question is not whether the characters in the incomprehensible Surviving
Christmas will indeed survive Christmas, the question is will you
survive this movie.
post-J-Lo Ben Affleck plays a neurotic ad executive who rents out a
blue-collar family for Christmas in hopes of achieving some kind of
catharsis. James Gandolfini and Catherine O'Hara play the heads of household
that Affleck financially coerces and torments.
not the only ones that are tormented by this National Lampoon's Christmas
Vacation knock-off that makes you want to kill yourself every bit
as much as Christmas with your family does.
deserves to be beaten to death with his Oscar. His performance gave
me emotional diarrhea for days. Gandolfini has proved that, unless he's
disguising himself as a sanitation entrepreneur and balling hookers
on HBO, his career is going to be left out in the weeds somewhere.
O'Hara was grossly underused. If you've seen Best in Show or
A Mighty Wind, you know that she could have easily carried this
movie all by herself. Instead, it took long-shot comedic attempts that
didn't pay off.
thing that I do have to hand to Surviving Christmas is that it
almost made me walk out of the theater. And I've never done that. I
haven't gotten the urge to do that since I saw the 1993 all-female western
nothing else can be said about The Grudge, it has made me lose
all confidence in the American horror movie. It's bad enough to go and
remake a Japanese horror movie,
but to get the original director to remake it, then take that formula
that can't lose and completely fail is simply inexcusable.
Grudge probably won't scare you, because you'll be laughing the
entire time. With a cast in its death throes, The Grudge offers very
little street cred aside from producer Sam Raimi, who gave us the Evil
Dead and Spider-Man movies. (Mr. Raimi-please stick to directing.)
sure the original Japanese version is great, but the only way the Hollywood
version could scare you is if someone threw a DVD copy at your head.
America: World Police
spent nearly two weeks wondering what I was going to say about Team
America: World Police after seeing it. After all, what can you really
say about an all-puppet movie that slams the war on terror? And that
question can get either easier or a world more difficult to answer when
you consider that Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of "South
Park," are the ones behind it.
I could start by saying that it was very funny. Wait, I take that back.
It was hilarious.
imagine I felt that way because Team America not only ripped
on all of the government- and otherwise-borne idiocy that has oozed
through the cracks to involve each and every person in this country,
it also ripped on every mindless action movie that affects me on a more
personal level. Which goes to show you how twisted my priorities are.
you're looking for the abridged version, Team America is basically
an action movie made up entirely of puppets. It's intentionally cheesy,
mocking the war on terror while hiding in plain sight. It plays out
like an episode of "South Park" that never made it to TV.
If you can appreciate the humor, but are sick of the sight of Eric Cartman,
Team America is your bag.
the puppet porno scene was really hot!
We Dance? 0
kinds of movies are killing me. Maybe it's Richard Gere cast as a kind
husband/father who's lost his way somewhere down the line and goes through
yet boring journey to get back on track. Maybe it's the overwhelming
need for Hollywood to remake any movie that's been done overseas by
ripping the heart and soul out of it while dragging some of their biggest
drips in, ensuring that the original filmmakers take a blood oath to
see that those responsible pay, and pay dearly.
plays a happily married man who stumbles into a dance studio after getting
a glimpse of Jennifer Lopez's ass. She doesn't want his raggedy ass,
but he sticks around anyway and takes ballroom lessons. Suddenly all
of the problems he's ever had aren't so bad anymore as he's found a
new lease on life through the power of dance.
We Dance? is like watching an infant fall down several flights of
stairs. It's horrifying, but the part of you that slows down to gawk
at a grisly car accident keeps you in your seat, and the memory will
ultimately wake you from a sound sleep, screaming in terror.