time to face some unpleasant facts, Buffalo. This country may not
be the best place for us anymore. On November 2nd, we all bore witness
to a terrible turning point in our history; a bad lifestyle choice,
if you will. We had the chance to reject the increasing madness of
our nation's leadership, their blind march to pointless war and craven
desire to take advantage of us in every manner conceivable, and we
blew it. America has spoken, and it said "duh."
or 4-Hour Erections
history is any guide, the DLC will spend the next four years trying
to find a pious bomb-thrower to put up as the nominee- unless, of
course, the poll numbers in a few years' time show that Barack Obama
is good-looking, black and charming enough to get the party over the
hump using the same basic playbook that worked so swimmingly this
Ultra-cynical Ways to Beat the Republicans
did the Democrats lose? At least in part, it's because they thought
that being right would actually work in their favor. Let's face it,
logic doesn't mean squat in politics. People say there's too much
cynicism in politics today, but we think there really isn't enough.
Cynicism works. The Republican Party has embraced it, and it has worked
wonders for them. The Democrats have made some progress in this area,
but they are still lagging badly. If there's any hope for the blue
states, they must learn the lessons of Machiavelli and Rove. To help
them along, the BEAST offers these suggestions.
Election Day Madness! - Oh you crazy Western New York voters!
How long have your politicians, specifically the assholes in Albany,
been screwing you to the wall? Forever! So what did you motivated
citizens go and do on election day? You went and reelected 99% of
Falsification & Death Administration
staff at the Food and Drug Administration
may not actively hate you and want you to die, but a study of the
agency's sordid history suggests that they don't really care if you
live either. Lucky for us, drug companies are kind, conscientious,
and self-regulating. For example, in late September Merck and Co,
makers of Vioxx, agreed to voluntarily recall their famous drug, now
that a new study suggests it may put people at increased risk for
heart attack. Isn't that nice of them? How thoughtful
four years doesn't qualify as "new" to you.
Meaning of Tripe
IT'S OVER. Last week we Americans celebrated one of our grandest traditions,
the victory of Tweedledum over Tweedledee. The occasion was marked
by awe and splendor on all sides, as befits a contest in which the
leader of the free world is chosen in race to see which Ivy League
graduate is quicker to reach for a duck call at the sight of a Reuters
Smoldering Fuel Rods of Environmental Justice
weather put an electricity in the late October air in West Valley
last weekend. Or perhaps that electricity came from the blazing fires
of dissent? A nuclear waste processing plant, AKA the West Valley
Demonstration Project, was the arena for a pre-Halloween protest-fest
that drew a whopping
remembers Florida's 2000 election debacle, and all of the new terms
it introduced to our political lexicon: Hanging chads, dimpled chads,
pregnant chads, overvotes, undervotes, Sore Losermans, Jews for Buchanan
and so forth. It took several weeks, battalions of lawyers and a questionable
decision from the U.S. Supreme Court to show the nation and the world
how messy democracy can be. By any standard, what happened in Florida
during the 2000 Presidential election was a disaster.
BEAST Interview With God
dejected and withdrawn over the stupidity of our fellow countrymen
in reelecting George W. Bush, our thoughts turned first to suicide,
then alcohol. Once we calmed down and sobered up a bit, we had no
choice but to go to the source to ask the tough questions about the
election, the future of our country and the world.
funniest part of some movies is that after they show you the preview
for that particular movie, they expect you to go out of the way by
spending your money and seeing it. You know exactly what you're getting
into with Alfie; you're given ample warning. But you can't
really escape it.
think I get it now, Aries; your lack of visibility during the weeks
leading up to November 2nd was part of a master plan to run for President
in 2008. Pretty seedy stuff, but I have to admit it's a good plan;
four more years of these dicks and we'd vote for an egg salad sandwich
to get them out.
we should consider the possibility that the wonderful, unique experiment
of the United States of America has come to and end. It had a magnificent
run, and sent shockwaves of thought and change through the globe,
for good and/or ill, but like all good thing, it reached its term.
Maybe the US has become as cynical and ossified as the old Soviet
Union. More cheerful and comfortable, yes, and with its aggression
focused outward instead of inside, but just as hopeless. Not to mention
the added insult that the Russian people knew they were being fed
bullshit on an hourly basis by their government. The soviet press
was quite aware that they were printing lies and ridiculous propaganda.
I wish I could say the same about the United States....
BEAST's Voting Guide of FEAR
looking forward to this election like we'd look forward to a hemorrhoidectomy.
That's because George Bush is probably going to win. He's either going
to win outright and Kerry will humbly concede, or he's going to rig
or steal it in a squeaker, resulting in Kerry and the Democrats putting
up a meek fight before humbly conceding. The electorate, at least
those that were so passionate about anybody-but-Bush, will cry, whine
a lot, accept it, lick their wounds and crawl back into their cubicles
of prefabricated contentment, preferring to get an early start on
their Christmas shopping.
10 Reasons to be TERRIFIED This Halloween
The Supreme Court.
Not only could this body again determine the outcome of this election
by a widely scorned 5-4 vote based on indefensible logic, but if Bush
stays in power he'll get the chance to ensure a religious right majority
for decades-say goodbye to Roe v Wade. Chief Justice Rehnquist is
about to go down, and if Kerry wins, that means a chance to tip the
scales in favor of reason.
Christian Assholes Matt
brings out the inner Mazes and Monsters fanatic in the fundamentalist
Christian like a war. Times of peace and prosperity are, for the deep
believer, relative fallow periods, where all the drama of existence
is confined to shouting matches at P.T.A. meetings and pseudonymous
requests for sexual advice in whispered late-night phone calls to
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