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Issue #62

Features:

O Buffalo: Why Move When we can Secede? - Al Uthman

Love or Four Hour Erections: The Choice is Clear - Matt Taibbi

The Falsification and Death Administration: FDA Approval may be Hazardous to your Health - Kit Smith

Meaning of Tripe: Countdown to the Beast's Ten Worst Presidential Election Campaign Hacks of 2004- Matt Taibbi

10 Ultra-Cynical Ways to Beat the Republicans

The Big Rig: This Election was Worse than 2000 - William Rivers Pitt

The Smoldering Fuel Rods of Environmental Justice - Chris Meister


Faux-tures:

The BEAST Interview With God

Who Voted Bush? - A BEAST Quiz

A Word From Our Sponsors



Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEAST-O-Scopes

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten




Entertainment:

Movies:

Kino Korner

Music:

Beastivities

Sports:

Wide Right: O Captain my Captain - Ronnie Roscoe



Comix:

Beast Comix - Jim Gielow

I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley







Last Issue (#61)

Features:

Voting Guide of FEAR

Top 10 Reasons to be TERRIFIED This Halloween - Al Uthman

Onward Christian Assholes: Some Folks Just Can't Wait for the Apocalypse - Matt Taibbi

A Talk With Sam Hoyt - Eric Gauchat

Give 'em Enough Pink Ribbon to Hang Themselves: Breast Cancer? Chemical Firm Supplies Cause & Cure - Kit Smith


Faux-tures:

Our Election Campaign Sponsors

The BEAST Scary Election Fun Page!

Over 60 Million Killed in Huge Fucking Flu Epidemic - Josh Righter



Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEAST-O-Scopes

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters




Entertainment:

Movies:

Kino Korner

Music:

Album Reviews: Interpol, Mos Def

Sports:

Wide Right: Going Double-Negative - Ronnie Roscoe



Comix:

I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob The Angry Flower - Stephen Notley







Issue #60

Features:

Mayoral Survivor Contest: The BEAST Wants You to Run for Mayor!

Truth is Overrated: Why Does My TV Think Bush Won the Debate? - Al Uthman

Political Snickering: M&M/Mars' Campaign of Terror - Matt Taibbi

Big Brother Knows Best: Blockbuster Rents Bogus Fahrenheit 9/11 DVDs - Paco Alameda

Scary Little Man: Bush's Belligerence -William Rivers Pitt

Kneeling Before George: President Bush is a Serious Stud - Merry Dunce, the Beast's "Fresh Voice"

American Indian Museum Opens in DC, Promptly Stolen by American History Museum -Jake Novak

Reading the Blitz: Election Hacks Score Touchdown in Overtime Frenzy - Matt Taibbi

Freedumb: Zell Miller Echoes Militaristic Fallacy - Mark Golden




Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEAST-O-Scopes

Notes from the Big House

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten

Brush with Greatness: I met Gretzky - Seamus Gallivan

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters




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2004 The Beast

The Buffalo Bills put together back-to-back victories for the first time in over a year this past Sunday by defeating the New York Jets 22-17. The defending Super Bowl champion New England Patriots are next for the Bills this Sunday night, and a victory could propel Buffalo to an improbable playoff run. It would have been preposterous (and it still may be) to think about the playoffs just two weeks ago after losing to Baltimore, but some unexpected leadership has emerged to help pull the Bills out of the cellar and into respectability.

After an embarrassing loss to Baltimore in which Drew Bledsoe threw four interceptions and lost a fumble, the media came down on the veteran quarterback and the JP Losman countdown began. One thing must be said about Bledsoe during his tumultuous tenure in Buffalo: he has always taken the high road. To a fault, he never blamed coaching, talent or anyone around him for his problems. He never displayed any quit or disgust for what was happening around him (remember he did have Gregg Williams and Kevin Gilbride as coaches). Every week it was just incredible consternation about why or how his play had fallen off. His play became more pathetic, but he would always face the media with class and comment on why the team lost. He would always discuss how they would work to improve and how they could overcome their problems and eventually win. During his weekly briefing with the press after the game with Baltimore, however, Bledsoe seemed to finally vent regarding the team's struggles, and show the "sack" that has been missing since he became the Bills signal-caller.

In very un-Bledsonian behavior he pointed out that his play was not the root of the Bills' failures. He had reviewed film and, although not perfect, he had done his job in providing the team the chance to win and had done quite well. He admitted he did not have a good game versus the Ravens, but also pointed out that the Bills were supposed to be a power running football team and they had zero rushing touchdowns through six games. He gave several examples where he was surrounded by defenders before even having a chance to unload the football, and that a large number of his interceptions were actually tipped balls that hit his receivers on the hands only to end up in an opponent's. He wasn't getting in anyone's face like Jim Kelly did so many times, but in his own way he was serving notice that he deserved better from the fans, the media, and his teammates.

Many times when a quarterback makes comments like this it comes across as whining or crying. In this case, it could be construed as a desperate man trying to hold on to his job, but Bledsoe never pointed any fingers prior to this and he was not singling out any particular player or players with his comments.

Frankly, Bledsoe's comments had merit. It was needed constructive criticism, and he was right on the button in describing the team and its failures. He could not have sent a message in any better way. Bledsoe's play for the first six games could not be confused with Peyton Manning, but his complaints about not having any time to throw or that he was not getting any help from his team were not out of line. The offensive line play at times was atrocious and, although some of his passes were off target, there have been a large amount of dropped balls when Bledsoe did deliver. Some of the players must have been listening, because it appears his comments got to his teammates and might have actually saved the season and resurrected Bledsoe's own downward spiraling career.

Since those comments, the Bills have won two games. That alone is quite an achievement. They have demonstrated the ability to run the football, something they have tried to establish all year. They finally scored via the run (twice) and because of this new threat Bledsoe has been able to open up the passing game in the red zone, connecting for three passing scores. The defense recorded a safety, the special teams ran back a kickoff for a score, the safeties have intercepted passes, heck, even the field goal kicker is making his kicks. It has been quite a turnaround. Most noteworthy is the fact that Bledsoe has gone two games without a sack and without an interception. 1995 is the last time Bledsoe has gone two games without being sacked or tossing an interception. That's right, 1995.

The easy way to explain this is that Willis McGahee has been inserted in the starting lineup and that the Bills played two teams that are not very good. The play of McGahee has many fans scratching their heads as to why he sat on the bench for as long as he did, and certainly has helped the offense become better, but the recent competition was actually pretty formidable. Offensively Arizona might be weak, but their defense is pretty good. They came into the Bills game with the number one red zone defense (whatever that means), and the week before the Bills game they intercepted Seattle's Matt Hassleback, a Pro Bowl quarterback, four times. This past Sunday, they harassed and pounded Miami's Jay Fiedler so much he could not finish the game. The Jets feature defensive end Donnie Abraham. He came into the game leading the entire NFL in quarterback sacks. That qualifies as decent competition. It is actually time to give this team a little credit. They have somehow played well in areas where they were only recently horrible, and Bledsoe's comments might be a reason.

This week, the Bills will have every opportunity to rear their ugly heads. Despite a recent loss, the Patriots are still the class of the league. The game is on national television Sunday night on ESPN and on the road. Recently, this has been a recipe for Drew Bledsoe disaster. In the last Sunday night road game, Kansas City beat the Bills by some 30 points, and the last time the Bills played in Foxboro, New England won 31-0. But that was before Bledsoe showed some balls. A win is not likely in the cards, and the final score may not be that close, but the Bills will compete with New England a hell of a lot better than one would have imagined just two weeks ago. If Bledsoe shows a little fire versus his old mates, it may be just enough to move the JP Losman show back few weeks while Bledsoe makes one last playoff run as a starting quarterback.



 

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O Buffalo

Al Uthman

It's time to face some unpleasant facts, Buffalo. This country may not be the best place for us anymore. On November 2nd, we all bore witness to a terrible turning point in our history; a bad lifestyle choice, if you will. We had the chance to reject the increasing madness of our nation's leadership, their blind march to pointless war and craven desire to take advantage of us in every manner conceivable, and we blew it. America has spoken, and it said "duh."


Love or 4-Hour Erections

Matt Taibbi

...If history is any guide, the DLC will spend the next four years trying to find a pious bomb-thrower to put up as the nominee- unless, of course, the poll numbers in a few years' time show that Barack Obama is good-looking, black and charming enough to get the party over the hump using the same basic playbook that worked so swimmingly this time.


10 Ultra-cynical Ways to Beat the Republicans

Why did the Democrats lose? At least in part, it's because they thought that being right would actually work in their favor. Let's face it, logic doesn't mean squat in politics. People say there's too much cynicism in politics today, but we think there really isn't enough. Cynicism works. The Republican Party has embraced it, and it has worked wonders for them. The Democrats have made some progress in this area, but they are still lagging badly. If there's any hope for the blue states, they must learn the lessons of Machiavelli and Rove. To help them along, the BEAST offers these suggestions.


Buffalo in Briefs

Election Day Madness! - Oh you crazy Western New York voters! How long have your politicians, specifically the assholes in Albany, been screwing you to the wall? Forever! So what did you motivated citizens go and do on election day? You went and reelected 99% of them. ?


The Falsification & Death Administration

Kit Smith

The staff at the Food and Drug Administration may not actively hate you and want you to die, but a study of the agency's sordid history suggests that they don't really care if you live either. Lucky for us, drug companies are kind, conscientious, and self-regulating. For example, in late September Merck and Co, makers of Vioxx, agreed to voluntarily recall their famous drug, now that a new study suggests it may put people at increased risk for heart attack. Isn't that nice of them? How thoughtful…. Unless four years doesn't qualify as "new" to you.


The Meaning of Tripe

WELL, IT'S OVER. Last week we Americans celebrated one of our grandest traditions, the victory of Tweedledum over Tweedledee. The occasion was marked by awe and splendor on all sides, as befits a contest in which the leader of the free world is chosen in race to see which Ivy League graduate is quicker to reach for a duck call at the sight of a Reuters photographer.


The Smoldering Fuel Rods of Environmental Justice

Chris Meister

Mercurial weather put an electricity in the late October air in West Valley last weekend. Or perhaps that electricity came from the blazing fires of dissent? A nuclear waste processing plant, AKA the West Valley Demonstration Project, was the arena for a pre-Halloween protest-fest that drew a whopping…20 people.


The Big Rig

William Rivers Pitt

Everyone remembers Florida's 2000 election debacle, and all of the new terms it introduced to our political lexicon: Hanging chads, dimpled chads, pregnant chads, overvotes, undervotes, Sore Losermans, Jews for Buchanan and so forth. It took several weeks, battalions of lawyers and a questionable decision from the U.S. Supreme Court to show the nation and the world how messy democracy can be. By any standard, what happened in Florida during the 2000 Presidential election was a disaster.


The BEAST Interview With God

Feeling dejected and withdrawn over the stupidity of our fellow countrymen in reelecting George W. Bush, our thoughts turned first to suicide, then alcohol. Once we calmed down and sobered up a bit, we had no choice but to go to the source to ask the tough questions about the election, the future of our country and the world.


Kino Korner

Michael Gildea

The funniest part of some movies is that after they show you the preview for that particular movie, they expect you to go out of the way by spending your money and seeing it. You know exactly what you're getting into with Alfie; you're given ample warning. But you can't really escape it.


BEAST-O-SCOPES

I think I get it now, Aries; your lack of visibility during the weeks leading up to November 2nd was part of a master plan to run for President in 2008. Pretty seedy stuff, but I have to admit it's a good plan; four more years of these dicks and we'd vote for an egg salad sandwich to get them out.


[sic] - Letters

Operation Mayflower

...Perhaps we should consider the possibility that the wonderful, unique experiment of the United States of America has come to and end. It had a magnificent run, and sent shockwaves of thought and change through the globe, for good and/or ill, but like all good thing, it reached its term. Maybe the US has become as cynical and ossified as the old Soviet Union. More cheerful and comfortable, yes, and with its aggression focused outward instead of inside, but just as hopeless. Not to mention the added insult that the Russian people knew they were being fed bullshit on an hourly basis by their government. The soviet press was quite aware that they were printing lies and ridiculous propaganda. I wish I could say the same about the United States....



The BEAST's Voting Guide of FEAR

We're looking forward to this election like we'd look forward to a hemorrhoidectomy. That's because George Bush is probably going to win. He's either going to win outright and Kerry will humbly concede, or he's going to rig or steal it in a squeaker, resulting in Kerry and the Democrats putting up a meek fight before humbly conceding. The electorate, at least those that were so passionate about anybody-but-Bush, will cry, whine a lot, accept it, lick their wounds and crawl back into their cubicles of prefabricated contentment, preferring to get an early start on their Christmas shopping.


Top 10 Reasons to be TERRIFIED This Halloween

Al Uthman

1. The Supreme Court. Not only could this body again determine the outcome of this election by a widely scorned 5-4 vote based on indefensible logic, but if Bush stays in power he'll get the chance to ensure a religious right majority for decades-say goodbye to Roe v Wade. Chief Justice Rehnquist is about to go down, and if Kerry wins, that means a chance to tip the scales in favor of reason.


Onward Christian Assholes Matt Taibbi

Nothing brings out the inner Mazes and Monsters fanatic in the fundamentalist Christian like a war. Times of peace and prosperity are, for the deep believer, relative fallow periods, where all the drama of existence is confined to shouting matches at P.T.A. meetings and pseudonymous requests for sexual advice in whispered late-night phone calls to Dr. Laura.


A Word From Our Sponsors

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A Talk With Sam Hoyt

Eric Gauchat

Sam Hoyt caught my attention during the Democratic primary for the 144th NY Assembly District. During that race, Hoyt, a 12-year incumbent in the post, faced Joe Golombek, a Buffalo City Councilman. The race was very close, with Golombek launching an intense campaign backed by a number of people, including County Executive Joel Giambra. Hoyt managed to take the nomination, almost assuredly locking a victory in the Democrat-heavy 144th.


Give 'em Enough Pink Ribbon to Hang Themselves

Kit Smith

Breast Cancer Awareness Month was launched in 1985 by Zeneca Pharmaceuticals. Zeneca is the company that manufactures the widely prescribed breast cancer drug Nolvadex (generic name tamoxifen), and operates a chain of cancer care centers. No conflict of interest there! All TV, radio, and print media regarding Breast Cancer Awareness Month are paid for and must be approved by Zeneca. But wait; there's more.



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