just want to say that your article “Play
Time is Over” [issue #58] was excellent and far too true
for comfort. Especially with the unfortunate election results (not
that it matters in the long run) I feel the need to be involved to
promote positive change. I wonder if you might suggest any organizations
that have their act together enough to warrant joining.
We hear the Michigan Militia is looking for new members.
believe you went too far in your personal insults regarding Mary Lou
Rath ["Voting Guide of
Fear," issue #61]. I do not personally know her, or even
live in her district, but the comment about her husband dying and
us being better off for it was one of the worst things you could
say to somebody. I would be DEVASTATED if my wife died, she is my
soul mate. If you said that about me in a public forum I would want
to tear off your head and beat it with a baseball bat in front of
your mother, so she could see what the "beautiful" baby
boy she created turned out to be. I feel real sorry for you that your
"paper" has to resort to such personal vulgar attacks on
people in order to gain a following. If you can't get your point and/or
opinion across without resorting to such an infantile approach then
you do look like assholes yourselves. Who even takes your views seriously,
obviously not anyone who votes or is legally allowed to vote. If you
want to discuss your political views with me in a mature manner, I
would be willing to listen to them. If you want to have your writings
viewed as just comedy or entertainment then so be it, that is your
right here in America.
- Elm, NY
I am considering contacting your sponsors and advertisers regarding
my possible refusal to patronize their establishments because of their
support of your hate filled writings. I AM one of those suburbians
that does work in the city, go to entertainment in the city, and spend
lots of money in the clubs and restraunts in the city.
Abe Lincoln was right when he said “Tis better to be silent and be
thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.” Reading your words
is like looking into the toilet bowl after a thunderous bowel movement
fueled by two El Nino burritos and a twelve pack of Genny Cream Ale.
Do you honestly think we give a shit about offending the sensibilities
of a man who considers beating someone’s severed head with a baseball
bat in front of their mother an acceptable form of social discourse?
like you are all for the freedom of expression until you realize that
you actually have to tolerate the freedom of others. Then you start
beating your chests and posturing in order to ensure that things stay
just the way you like them. Well fuck you Jon, fuck you in the ass
with a giant strap-on dildo worn by the reanimated corpse of Mary
Lou Rath’s husband, brought forth by dark magic. No wonder your wife
bangs all those UPS guys when you’re at work. Go ahead, be an asshole
and threaten our advertisers with the loss of your patronage knowing
full well it’s an empty threat, and that BEAST advertisers have heard
it all before. You won’t stop patronizing because you know the food
is good, the music is good and the shows are good. So be an asshole
Jon, it’s your right. Revel in it Jon, revel in it.
SINCEREST FORM OF RIPPING US OFF
Ever since you guys busted out on the scene....I've been there, Maybe
not reading every word you guys print, but at least getting a good
feel for what (as a paper) you were trying to do, and I love every
last scrap, You guys out-do yourself on a weekly basis (easy enough
with the state of affairs) W.N.Y's own private MAD magazine, now I
am reading everything!!
But I cannot help to notice how tides shift, Starting off as the underdogs,
The BEAST has become a staple in everyones routine, for christ's sake
you guys are in those red boxes on every other corner. The latter
part of this summer and early fall espessially, I have noticed that
your special brand of witty, in-your-face journalism has rubbed off
on some other publications (ARE THEY SCARED? or ENVIOUS?) ARTvoice
had a couple of weeks ago a cover wich depicted a puppetmaster type
"pulling the strings"...Almost thought it was the new BEAST
for a moment. ALTpress put out a cover story in their last issue about
the finer points of rioting, WHAT!! are they just that desperate that
they will use an old idea you guys used months ago? how boringly un-origional.
And then finally this newest issue of ARTvoice with giambra depicted
in an alice in wonderland spoof cover.....once again, thought it could
be the new issue of the BEAST....was not??
So what does this all mean? could it be that a teeny tiny bit at a
time, logic, reasoning, and truth is seeping out of the pages of the
BEAST, into the collective consious of the locals in one form or another?
Probably not, but The BEAST is making an impact whether YOU like it
or not. next week: THE BEAST, The new ARTvoice.
cheers for copycats,
innovate when you can replicate? They might be able to mimic the form
but as everyone knows they just don’t have the follow through. Their
egos have taken the helm and they now thrive on the glow of their
own vanity. Gone is the ability to watch CNN, Columbo and Master and
Commander On the Far Side of The World simultaneously with full comprehension
while waiting for the pizza guy to show. We are people that choose
going back to sleep with full knowledge we will be getting a parking
ticket by doing so. We are the Old Gods come back. Thanks for looking
out and saying something, GUTS, but try not to let it get to you.
They might be able to get you into bed but the joy ends once you lift
the covers. You Keep on reading and we’ll keep on writing…Fart jokes,
lots of fart jokes.
emailing you first to say we read the beast all the time..
I kinda feel the article you wrote about Ulner Lee Still ["Buffalo
in Briefs, issue 62], is outragous. First the fact of the
matter is that most women dont realize what abuse is til it's to late.
Second , I being a victom of all kinds of abuse find it very insulting
for you people to find it FUCKIN FUNNY..
was raised in that matter so didnt even know it was wrong til I was
almost killed.. So as far as it goes most women that are abused
were either raised in that type of setting and think that its wrong,
or are lacking something in themselves that makes them think they
can't have it any better..
say you don't understand why women go through it ,and either stay
with their abuser or get with them in the first place..
you people ever heard the statement
NOONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENEDS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS "
it's true. Most of your abusers are what you would call "closet
cases".. Or in other words they act very different around
people, Then they do once that door closes, your in HELL AGAIN .An
abusers paradise.... So I guess what I'm saying is DON'T JUDGE
OR LAUGH AT US WHO HAVE BEEN THERE OR ARE STILL IN THAT HELL ITS
NOT FUCKING FUNNY
up or you’re going to get smacked.
from the MedicAid kitchen…
Quality of Life Reduction
$170,317,482 million to MedicAid
3,000 county employees or 30% of work force
The Buffalo Zoo
The Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra
The Erie County Public Libraries
Pour ingredient in Step One into black cauldron.
Let bubble until unstoppably boiling over.
Mix ingredients in Step Two in enormous mixing bowl.
makes enough to serve all the residents (too young, too old, or too
poor to leave) who are still left in Erie County by the time it’s
it! Cooking is easy when you do it the MedicAid way!
delicious, but we’re not hungry; we’re still sick off those budget
proposals Giambra just crammed down our throats.
an incredible article =) [“O Buffalo,”
issue #62] I followed a link to your web posting and just
wanted to let you know that it's been one of the most enjoyable articles
I've read post-election. Funny, witty and exceptionally poingnat...
including your closing commentary of :
that's it. Bummer. No secular socialist paradise for us; we are forever
tethered to the self-persecuting poor; the religious seizure class;
the pathologically ignorant. What are you gonna do?
guess we'll just have to stay, figure out a way to kick the crap out
of these delusional zombies, and save the damned world."
we know how the article ends, thanks. You know, it’s a matter of polite
custom in Canada to send a nude photo of yourself along with any letter
or e-mail. So get cracking, eh?
Lining in Bush’s Win
Bush’s successful bid for a second term in office is certainly cause
for distress among Democrats, Liberals, Libertarians, Greens, Feminists,
Gays and lots of other like-minded folks, but all is not lost. You
can find plenty of bright spots if you know where to look for them.
A religious conversion can give you a clean slate. If you
are anything like George W. Bush, binge drinking, drug abuse, promiscuity
and just about anything else you indulge in can be can be expunged
from your past if you simply declare yourself Born Again. Chances
are, you’ll want to live it up for many years, so don’t use the religious
conversion ploy until you’re really ready to settle down.
can avoid the military draft. The conservatives have fought hard
to keep gays out of the military, so all you have to do is claim to
be gay to avoid the draft. This option is not available to your conservative
counterparts because they would rather be dead than gay. You, on
the other hand, are open-minded and will suffer no shame in your pragmatic,
though bogus, newfound state of sexual orientation. After the war
is over, you can undergo a religious conversion that both “cures”
you and purges your past (see above).
are good for two reasons. First, it is common knowledge that
gun owners often kill themselves or their family members more often
than they kill intruders. That, by itself, will lead to a reduction
in NRA supporters over time. Second, given the precipitous decline
in our civil rights due to the USA Patriot Act, it might not be a
bad idea to rethink your own stance on gun control – you might need
an AK47 some day soon.
Putting God back into the Pledge is educational. Many of us
have gotten too persnickety over the word “God” in the Pledge of Allegiance.
It’s better to look on the bright side and think of it as a celebration
of our diversity: “one nation under Allah,” for the Muslims; “one
nation under Bog” for the Poles, “one nation under Dios” for the Mexicans;
and “one nation under” for the atheists.
No more inconvenience. Let’s face it; no one likes to sort
garbage for recycling. With this administration’s attitude toward
the environment, recycling will fall by the wayside as a quaint holdover
from the 20th Century practiced only by eccentric old women.
And forget about turning off the lights when you leave a room and
turning down the thermostat at night. None of that matters anymore
because Dick Cheney has our energy policy all figured out.
What would Jesus do? “What would Jesus do?” has become
the mantra of religious conservatives. Unfortunately, the answer
they have come up with so far has included support for war and guns
and a withdrawal of support for the sick and needy. However, it is
entirely possible that if they keep asking the question and reading
their bibles, they might actually come up with the correct answer
in the future. As I recall, Jesus is the Prince of….
Is it pie? Prince of Pie? We love pie! Could you send us pie? We’d
love some pie! Thanks for your inspiring message!