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Issue #65

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Features:

HThe Disaster is 20 Years Young! - Matt Taibbi

Sleeping With the Fishes: Fear Not, Buffalo--Corporate Welfare Will Save You! - Chris Abbey

No Moore Dissent: DLC Targets Populism, Man-Boobs- Matt Taibbi

Drowning the Scorpion: Debating a Neocon- Stan Goff

Condoleezza Rice is Going to Lick Your Beaver- Matt Taibbi


Faux-tures:

Bush Refuses to Pardon Turkey, Execution Proceeds as Scheduled

Kmart, Sears Merge to Create One Big Failure - Josh Righter



Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEAST-O-Scopes

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten




Entertainment:

Movie Reviews:

Kino Korner

Music Reviews :

Arcade Fire

MF Doom - Ketchup Samurai

BEASTIVITIES

Sports:

Wide Right: Bills Still Have a Shot at 5th Super Bowl Loss - Ronnie Roscoe



Comix:

I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob the Angry Flower - Stephen Notley





Issue #64

Download Entire issue (31mb PDF)

 

Features:

Happy Bhopal to You: The Disaster is 20 Years Young! - Matt Taibbi

Sleeping With the Fishes: Fear Not, Buffalo--Corporate Welfare Will Save You! - Chris Abbey

No Moore Dissent: DLC Targets Populism, Man-Boobs- Matt Taibbi

Drowning the Scorpion: Debating a Neocon- Stan Goff

Condoleezza Rice is Going to Lick Your Beaver- Matt Taibbi


Faux-tures:

Bush Refuses to Pardon Turkey, Execution Proceeds as Scheduled

Kmart, Sears Merge to Create One Big Failure - Josh Righter



Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEAST-O-Scopes

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten




Entertainment:

Movie Reviews:

Kino Korner

Music Reviews :

Arcade Fire

MF Doom - Ketchup Samurai

BEASTIVITIES

Sports:

Wide Right: Bills Still Have a Shot at 5th Super Bowl Loss - Ronnie Roscoe



Comix:

I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob the Angry Flower - Stephen Notley





Issue #63

Download Entire issue (18mb PDF)

Features:

Top Ten Hacks of 2004 Election - Matt Taibbi

MEMRI Problems: Was Kerry's Election Bid Lost in Translation?- Chris Riordan

Pick of the Litter: Bottom-Feeding all the Way to the Top

Redwoods Evil, Must Be Destroyed: Bush Wants Some Wood- Kit Smith

Too Cool for School: City Honors Censorship - Al Uthman

Tortures - R - Us - Christopher Lord


Faux-tures:

New Hotel on Baltic Ave: Boon or Burden? - Ian Murphy

10 Tips For Coping with your Dysfunctional Family this Thanksgiving

A Word From Our Sponsors



Departments:

Buffalo in Briefs

BEAST-O-Scopes

Page 3

Separated at Birth?

[sic] - Letters

The Straight Dope w/ Dr Rotten




Entertainment:

Movie Reviews:

Kino Korner

Music Reviews :

Matchbook Romance/Midtown Show - Chris Meister

Goo Goo Dolls DVD - Seamus Gallivan

Elliot Smith CD- Michael Gildea

Odd Couple CD - Ketchup Samurai

BEASTIVITIES

Sports:

Wide Right: Bills could Make Playoffs--in the NFC - Ronnie Roscoe



Comix:

Beast Comix - Ian Murphy

I Witless News - I. Gonzalez

Deep Fried - Jason Yungbluth

Bob the Angry Flower - Stephen Notley







Contact Us

MERCHANDISE



Archives--Old BEASTs

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2004 The Beast

BEAST-O-SCOPES

The Straight Dope

with Dr Rotten

First time grower. I cloned about 10 days ago, I'm sure I did as instructed. I used a gel for rooting, holding the clone in for 30 sec then planted in rock wool. I've misted the clones. What I have been noticing is my clones look wilted, bent over and yellow, and I'm not sure if they are rooting as they are not showing through the rock wool. What have I done wrong, should I start over and are there any good systems to clone better? They are in a clone dome and under light for 12 hrs. Trays look like they are getting humdity.

If you don't know what you're doing, cloning can be very difficult. Rock wool must be pretreated to stabilize the pH and the system should be functioning well before you give it a go. Clones need to breathe as well, so make sure that your humidity dome isn't stifling them. You also need to set the light schedule to 24 hours to get them going. It sounds like you may be in a little over your head right now. Try going with a simpler system. Dip your fresh cuttings as instructed and just put them in a small container of potting soil under 24 hours of HID lighting. Keep the soil moist, but not damp, and they should start growing in a couple weeks. Or better yet invest in a cloning machine. They are simple to use; go with the bare root method and your clones will be ready in 7-11 days.

I cut the fan leaves off my plant before and during flowering. The Bud stems that were cut have BIG bubbles filled with something! The others that I haven't cut don't. What are the big bubbles on the bud stems and why don't all the bud stems have them?

Those bubbles you speak of are the scar tissue that the plant creates around the open wounds you're causing by removing healthy foliage. They're similar to the scab that develops around a cut on the flesh. Quit taking off the big shade leaves unless they are dead or diseased. They produce sugar and are very important in the development of your buds. You are going to lose a lot of bud weight if you keep taking them off.

I'm gonna be moving soon and I'm about to start looking for a new house. I'm wondering if you could pick any house to grow in, what kind of house would you get? Something with a nice attic or basement? Where do you prefer to grow? I've always been a basement guy but was weighing the difference of being able to exaust above to avoid detection. Anyway, if you could ponder this for a sec and tell me what size room(s) and where you would grow that would be sweet. I want this new place to be the phatty hookup. Thanks to my green babies, money isn't really an issue so think about it as if you could pick any house. Thanks man and keep up everything you're doing.

I think the ideal setup would be in the basement of a two-story house. Build an exhaust system that runs up to your attic and out the back of the house. Add an ozone generator and/or an appropriate sized carbon filter to clean the air before it leaves the house. The basement provides extra protection from eyes in the sky and also helps isolate any noise from the garden to the rest of the house

A buddy of mine told me that if I take my buds and moisten them and keep them in a damp place they would grow mold and intensify the high, or the amount of THC. Is this true and is it even worth doing?

Don't even think of doing this! Your friend is a retard. Inhaling molds and fungus can make you sick; in some cases, very sick. Allowing an invading organism to attack your buds will not increase potency. Proper drying, curing, and storage is the only way to preserve the THC which is at its peak at harvest.

How can I get more crystals? I have had my plant on 12/12 for about 8 weeks on a hydro system. They are looking great but they don't seem to be creating enough crystals. I have read that if you add Epsom salts at a rate of 10gms/5 gallons to the water 2 weeks prior to harvest it will cause the plants to produce more crystals. Is this true? And do you know of another way to get more crystals?

Epsom salts can be used to treat magnesium deficiencies but not to increase production of crystals (THC). The only way to increase crystal production is to grow healthy plants. If you are not experiencing any deficiencies and the plants are looking vigorous and green there is nothing you can do. Grow a different strain next time.

Crop-busting time is coming up soon and I'm getting kind of worried about the police. I live on the second floor of a three-floor apartment complex and I'm growing in a small closet with fluorescent lights. What can I do to improve the security? I don't want anyone to know about it. Can they spot the heat from an aerial view? Please help me out! Thanks, man.

Chill man, paranoia will make you do something stupid for sure! You don't have anything to worry about as far as eyes in the skies. The fluorescents you're using could very well be hanging over someone's workbench! I would concern myself with covering up the smell. If it is not too strong, then there is probably nothing to worry about here either. If you want to be sure you're not reeking out the closet above you then take up the practice of burning incense. Burning it daily in the closet, as well as in the rest of the apartment will cover the smell. Better to have THAT smell wafting into the hallway when you open your front door! If they can't smell it, and they can't see it, there is only one way they can find it...someone has to tell them! So keep your mouth shut. Also, the cops can't just fly over to anybody's house without a warrant. The only place you have to worry about is if you live near the US borders where they play by different rules. Like the old saying goes, when pigs can fly, they use a helicopter.



 

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Sleeping With the Fishes

Chris Abbey

What do dying urban centers need to keep them afloat when everything and everyone has long since moved out to the suburbs? A gimmick, of course, like the Arch in St. Louis or, even cooler, a Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of fame like Cleveland has! Too bad those ideas were already taken, and the only thing our leaders could think of is resurrecting the long dead Aud and turning it into a massive Bass Pro outdoor shop, along with a hotel and restaurant.


Happy Bhopal to You

Matt Taibbi

THE BHOPAL DISASTER had its 20th anniversary last week, and so was duly (and briefly) commemorated in the inside sections of a few American newspapers.

It is unlikely, however, that any public figures are going to pay tribute to what happened 20 years ago this week. Which is too bad, because as far as America is concerned, the week of Dec. 9 to 16 was the more important week of the Bhopal disaster. That's when we got over Bhopal.


Drowning the Scorpion

Stan Goff

When I was first invited by Dr. Stephen Smith to speak at Winthrop University in South Carolina, I was preparing a trip to Haiti and I didn't give much thought to how I would handle the engagement. I'd just finished being pole-axed by a bout of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and it was everything I could do to just pull the Haiti trip together. So I didn't pay much attention to the person who would appear with me - one Patrick Clawson - to represent "the other side" in a forum/debate billed as "What Next in Iraq? A Post-Election Perspective."


[sic]

Seeing your last rag/magazine complaining about the last Presidential elections made me laugh. You commies have nothing better to do but insult our President, our country and our troops. You all should go back and help your fellows brothers in the Ukraine, where there really was a corrupted and stolen election.


The Top 10 Hacks of the 2004 Election

Matt Taibbi

10 - GEORGE WILL, NEWSWEEK: Will uses big words and pompous literary references to dress up what are basically the brutish and vulgar thinking patterns of a non-union meat-packing plant owner. He is a pig in a lace hat.


MEMRI Problems

Chris Riordan

Stranded from intellect and worthwhile rhetoric in Utica, NY for the last few months, I have made a habit of visiting political discussion boards online for a dose of informed bantering and arguing. I tend to gravitate towards conservative cyber communities because I generally prefer arguing to agreeing.


Pick of the Litter

Pat Ragpicker

It's 4am on a winter night, and I'm parked on a dead end street near Kaisertown. It’s a secluded corner of the city I found by driving around aimlessly. I'm new to town, and penniless after buying my van with $700 I squirreled away the last time I got a paycheck. That was 7 months ago. Over those months, I managed to live off a few hundred bucks while sleeping in a warehouse closet and helping some friends make a TV show to try selling to a network.


Redwoods Evil, Must be Destroyed

Kit Smith

Nature is a bad and inconvenient thing. It must be stopped. That's why so many of us environmental scientists voted for Bush. He recognizes that endangered species are tasty, that Yellowstone is the most awesome place for snowmobiling in the whole world, and that those horrible California Redwoods are home to Satan himself.


Too Cool for School

Al Uthman

In the decomposing cesspool of Buffalo's public schools, City Honors has long been regarded as something of a gem. In fact, it is widely regarded as the best school the city has to offer, with the brightest kids around.


Tortures-R-Us

Christopher Lord

Iraqis wondering what the next phase of the Republicans' invasion of their country will bring should consider El Aguacate airstrip in Honduras. In 2001, 185 bodies were dug up there: the victims were the 'terrorists' and 'enemies of democracy' of the day.




O Buffalo

Al Uthman

It's time to face some unpleasant facts, Buffalo. This country may not be the best place for us anymore. On November 2nd, we all bore witness to a terrible turning point in our history; a bad lifestyle choice, if you will. We had the chance to reject the increasing madness of our nation's leadership, their blind march to pointless war and craven desire to take advantage of us in every manner conceivable, and we blew it. America has spoken, and it said "duh."


Love or 4-Hour Erections

Matt Taibbi

...If history is any guide, the DLC will spend the next four years trying to find a pious bomb-thrower to put up as the nominee- unless, of course, the poll numbers in a few years' time show that Barack Obama is good-looking, black and charming enough to get the party over the hump using the same basic playbook that worked so swimmingly this time.


10 Ultra-cynical Ways to Beat the Republicans

Why did the Democrats lose? At least in part, it's because they thought that being right would actually work in their favor. Let's face it, logic doesn't mean squat in politics. People say there's too much cynicism in politics today, but we think there really isn't enough. Cynicism works. The Republican Party has embraced it, and it has worked wonders for them. The Democrats have made some progress in this area, but they are still lagging badly. If there's any hope for the blue states, they must learn the lessons of Machiavelli and Rove. To help them along, the BEAST offers these suggestions.