problem with the left is that our whole model of changing opinionsthat
contrary facts will alter peoples viewsis inherently
flawed. Mundane, oafish Americans, in a national competition to
see how many $3.99 support our troops ribbon magnets
they can fit onto the backs of their Suburbans, simply arent
interested in reality...Lets face it; there is a sizable
chunk of the population who deny the validity of evolutionevolution.
Who are we kidding, thinking we can make them see the errors in
Social Security privatization?
ONE NOTICED, of course, but last year, I did not file a column
on Christmas week. This was not because I was too busy with a
long schedule of holiday merry-making.
the contrary: As editor Jeff Koyen can attest, I actually tried
to write a column on Christmas last year. I spent three long days
reading and rereading the old New York Sun's hideous "Yes,
Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" column, and tried to come
up with a satisfying counter-argument. The opening was easy enough:
everyone! Aren't my tits great? Truly they are a gift unto us
from the Holy Father. I'm so hot for Jesus!
buy Nick's album. He could really use the help.
1, Truth 0
December 12th I opened my Sunday edition of the Los Angeles Times
and saw in the obituaries that Gary Webb was dead. More specifically,
I saw that Gary Webb had killed himself. He had, it seems, shot
himself in the head. When movers arrived at his house on Saturday
they found a note on the door that said "Please do not enter.
Call 911 and ask for an ambulance."
Devito Code: A new and baffling sequel to the much-lauded
Da Vinci Code, involving a murder mystery in Hollywood which leads
to the pointlessly protracted revelation of a secret code interspersed
throughout the body of work of actor/director Danny Devito.
in the Ukraine
been trying to avoid the subject of Ukraine, not only in this
column, but in general. Like anyone with strong ties to Russia,
I have a whole range of feelings about Ukraine and Ukrainians,
not all of them generous.
With the Fishes
do dying urban centers need to keep them afloat when everything
and everyone has long since moved out to the suburbs? A gimmick,
of course, like the Arch in St. Louis or, even cooler, a Rock
n Roll Hall of fame like Cleveland has! Too bad those
ideas were already taken, and the only thing our leaders could
think of is resurrecting the long dead Aud and turning it into
a massive Bass Pro outdoor shop, along with a hotel and restaurant.
Bhopal to You
BHOPAL DISASTER had its 20th anniversary last week, and so was
duly (and briefly) commemorated in the inside sections of a few
is unlikely, however, that any public figures are going to pay
tribute to what happened 20 years ago this week. Which is too
bad, because as far as America is concerned, the week of Dec.
9 to 16 was the more important week of the Bhopal disaster. That's
when we got over Bhopal.
I was first invited by Dr. Stephen Smith to speak at Winthrop
University in South Carolina, I was preparing a trip to Haiti
and I didn't give much thought to how I would handle the engagement.
I'd just finished being pole-axed by a bout of Rocky Mountain
Spotted Fever and it was everything I could do to just pull the
Haiti trip together. So I didn't pay much attention to the person
who would appear with me - one Patrick Clawson - to represent
"the other side" in a forum/debate billed as "What
Next in Iraq? A Post-Election Perspective."
your last rag/magazine complaining about the last Presidential
elections made me laugh. You commies have nothing better to do
but insult our President, our country and our troops. You all
should go back and help your fellows brothers in the Ukraine,
where there really was a corrupted and stolen election.
Top 10 Hacks of the 2004 Election
- GEORGE WILL, NEWSWEEK: Will uses big words and pompous literary
references to dress up what are basically the brutish and vulgar
thinking patterns of a non-union meat-packing plant owner. He
is a pig in a lace hat.
of the Litter
4am on a winter night, and I'm parked on a dead end street near
Kaisertown. Its a secluded corner of the city I found by
driving around aimlessly. I'm new to town, and penniless after
buying my van with $700 I squirreled away the last time I got
a paycheck. That was 7 months ago. Over those months, I managed
to live off a few hundred bucks while sleeping in a warehouse
closet and helping some friends make a TV show to try selling
to a network.
Cool for School
the decomposing cesspool of Buffalo's public schools, City Honors
has long been regarded as something of a gem. In fact, it is widely
regarded as the best school the city has to offer, with the brightest
wondering what the next phase of the Republicans' invasion of
their country will bring should consider El Aguacate airstrip
in Honduras. In 2001, 185 bodies were dug up there: the victims
were the 'terrorists' and 'enemies of democracy' of the day.
time to face some unpleasant facts, Buffalo. This country may
not be the best place for us anymore. On November 2nd, we all
bore witness to a terrible turning point in our history; a bad
lifestyle choice, if you will. We had the chance to reject the
increasing madness of our nation's leadership, their blind march
to pointless war and craven desire to take advantage of us in
every manner conceivable, and we blew it. America has spoken,
and it said "duh."
Ultra-cynical Ways to Beat the Republicans
did the Democrats lose? At least in part, it's because they thought
that being right would actually work in their favor. Let's face
it, logic doesn't mean squat in politics. People say there's too
much cynicism in politics today, but we think there really isn't
enough. Cynicism works. The Republican Party has embraced it,
and it has worked wonders for them. The Democrats have made some
progress in this area, but they are still lagging badly. If there's
any hope for the blue states, they must learn the lessons of Machiavelli
and Rove. To help them along, the BEAST offers these suggestions.