The BEAST: Buffalo's Best Fiend

WHO, US?

evil! evil you guys are!! but not as bad as, say giambra or some other politicians in this world. Say, i laughed at giambras winning the "mussolini" award!! youre hilarious!!!!

don w.

Dear Don,

We know.

COUP DU JOUR

Who other than me has noticed the rightwing coup in Erie County? In plain sight? Disguised only by ususal Republican incompetence?

A former comptroller, even of a messed up city like Buffalo, *should* be able to keep track of accounts, should be able to sound a warning in time.

What Joel Giambra did was deny problems long enough to create a crisis. By emphasizing shuting down libraries over cuts in sheriff's patrols and volunter firefighter support, he was able to create dissension between people who like books and those who don't.

Note lack of party discipline--Republican county legislator's couldn't help their county executive. They stayed with their usual shuffling in circles, pooping their pants and pointing at Albany. Albany, controlled by another group of Republicans shuffling in circles, pooping their pants and pointing their fingers at whomever.

Note end results of this crisis and confusion: Property taxes stay down, sales tax goes up. This is regressive, favors upper incomes over lower incomes. Libraries get cut, not closed. Too many dedicated civil servants go out the door, too many patronage hacks remain. We now have our Erie County budget--a 1,000 page mess that no one is sure what it contains. Note how county comptroller, nearly congresswoman, Nancy Naples, manages to cast doubt on legality of this budget to keep tension and confusion going. Right wing coup, disguised as normal Republicanism.

       --Dave

Dear Dave,

That is normal Republicanism.

10 LITTLE, 9 LITTLE, 8 LITTLE INDIANS

I was at Sal's last night, and while waiting for my order, I saw a copy of the Beast, specifically the article on the events of the night of December 3rd 1984.

I was there in Bhopal that night. I was only 2 years old though, but I do have vivid memories of that night.

I remember my eyes burning, I remember being scooped up by my family and seeing people run on the streets. I remember the sounds. People screaming, crying. Adults, children, babies, myself. Panic and confusion were the other 2 killers that night besides MIC. It's sad to know that the Bhopal tragedy has all been forgotten by the world. It unfair that the people responsible for it got nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Thousands died that night, now no one really cares.

Thank you for that article. Although it brought back sad memories, it's heartening to know that someone does care and that someone else too feels that what happened after the accident was as bad, if not worse than the accident itself. Keep up the good work.

Anis Abdulla

Dear Anis,

Seriously, your name is Anis?

PSYCH(ot)IC

Dear Beast –

Dr. Phil has recently announced he does not believe in psychics even though he can’t prove they don’t exist. I fear that his far-reaching viewership is chomping-at-the-bit for their next mystery of life to be solved, and I bet Miss Chloe will finally get that bathroom break. I am hoping that Beast O’Scopes can provide some insight into the possible ramifications for such an announcement so that we psychic-believers can prepare ourselves for the inevitable “spirituality vs. religion” conversations we love to hate.

Scorpio Sintia

Dear Scorpio,

We have a prediction for you: when you wake up tomorrow, you will be stupid.

LIKE A ROCK STAR WITHOUT THE SUCCESS

i fucking love your saucy ass.....

listen up Dean..... if i had it my way, we would have already shot the "movie of the century", cashed in the soul-sucking royalties, bought a mansion in the cushy suburbs of some pretentious city & sold our fucking dreams out to Walmart so we could fade into obscurity & spend the rest of our lives drinking topline Gin & yelling at kids who come anywhere near our front lawn.....

fuck you asshole,

i'm drunk......

& reading the dictionary,

in front of my amplifier, which is presently donned with blue icicle lights in celebration of the true meaning of the holiday season,,,,,,,,,

God i love everyone.........

----sparky

Dear Sparky,

If only the feeling was mutual.

FROCK YOU

To the Editors of “The Beast”

As a parent of a City Honors Student and a minister who was at the scene during the Columbine High School Shootings, I must say that there are times when we can't say whatever we please. Threats and lies are not free speech, and racist and homophobic intimidation do not belong in our schools. The “Too Cool for School” editorial (Nov. 24, 2004) betrays freedom of speech by excusing lies and threats and betrays our children by excusing racial, sexual, and religious intimidation.

I have a copy of the underground newspaper, “The Liberator.” I find it mostly overwrought and sophomoric editorials. But the boys who created “The Liberator” harmed many people. First. They included in their editorials direct threats of physical violence toward specific students and places. The threats were not made with even a veneer of satiric or fictionalized context. As a parent, I expect my child's school will protect its students and community and prohibit such threats.

Threats of physical violence require action by any school administrator. In the editorial '''Too Cool for School," the editors quickly waved aside the Columbine High School shootings as an unreasonable "specter" because they read "The Liberator" as engaging in merely offensive language. Threats of violence are not mere words of offensive humor. They are meant to intimidate and they also reveal something about intent. The tragic shootings at Columbine High School and many other schools were preceded by threats of violence very like the threats that appeared in "The Liberator." Five years ago, such threats were once waved aside as the pranks of children. Today all responsible administrators must hold students accountable when they threaten violence.

Secondly, the boys who published "The Liberator" printed outright lies about the school staff as statements of fact. Since when is such immoral behavior a right under the First Amendment? To add insult to injury, the school staff cannot - by law - even defend themselves, since the privacy of the student completely trumps any right of school staff these days even their physical safety. The Beast glosses-over libel. Shameful.

Lastly, "The Liberator" includes racist, bigoted, and homophobic statements. This is a quote from "The Liberator": "Jews and Muslims are lazy and liars." Yes, the First Amendment protects such offensive language. But as the editors of "The Beast" point out, not in schools. School administrations are charged to help our children learn, including learning to cherish the power in the First Amendment. But it is misuse of our freedom to make racist, religiously bigoted, and homophobic statements and then, when the victims express indignation and hurt, trivialize that harassment as the victim overreacting. If my children engaged in such verbal bullying, I would require them to make a public apology. That these boys have no remorse and no parental expectation of apology suggests to me they have inadequate adult care at home.

The Buffalo Public Schools had to hold those boys accountable for the threats they made, the libel they published, and the gratuitous bigotry they spread through the school. "The Beast” charges the school with censorship even though the school is defenseless through laws requiring silence about student disciplinary actions. So I speak in defense as a parent and a community leader: I am grateful to City Honors School and its principle, Dr. Battaglia, for making such difficult decisions and for providing a safe and civil learning environment for my children.

Sincerely,

Rev. Joel Miller

Dear Rev,

Your letter is too long. We don’t find you an adequate judge of satirical veneers. The “Lazy Liars” quote is detestably out of context, and you know it. That column was a rant about how a Jew and a Arab, each of whom had promised a column to the editors, had stiffed them. The line you quoted, with the manipulative flair of a political strategist, was clearly a joke, about the fallacious nature of stereotypes and how they are formed. It is almost immediately followed with a line about how all humans are lazy liars. To be fair, we’re not sure that you’re lazy.

THE LENNY BRUCE OF SCHOOL PAPERS

Al Uthman-

There was another underground paper at City Honors in the early 1990's called Slayer. It was also the subject of an administrative crack down, but not

nearly as severe as this one.

At the time the editors of Slayer--if I can recall correctly from my high school days were my fellow class of 1994 members Lukas Hauser, Keegan Walden and Tiernan Mennan. School officials told them that they would have to distribute Slayer off school grounds.

Slayer had violence themed stories as well as satire of teachers and students. But I guess in was seen more as creative expression and part of the "City Honors experience" in the pre-Columbine days.

Even though I have moved away I really like The BEAST, but am sad that my alma mater has gotten so up tight.

Best regards,

Marissa Vitagliano

Dear Marissa,

Columbine, Columbine, Columbine—so a couple of freaks commit a terrible act of violence, and now freedom of expression must be forever curtailed, because it could maybe sometime happen again? Sounds like faulty, pants-wetting logic to us—also a lot like 9/11. Believe us, we were horribly persecuted in grade school, and it helped to make us the…never mind. So, you graduated in the ‘90s, huh? What are you doing Friday night?

DICK WITH CHICK

WARNING:

This publication contains “Truth!” It will not only inform you, but it may also save your life. Hell is for real and you don’t want to go there!

Whether you are planning on burning in Hell or not, you are strongly advised to read this: “THE BEAST”

Dear crazy nut,

Thank you so much for the hilarious copy of “The Beast,” another great religious comic from the venerable Chick Publications. We all read it together, and we thoroughly enjoyed it. Our favorite part was the montage entitled “Life as it is today”—especially the nightclub scene where the man says “I have the power…Lucifer is lord!” and the woman next to him says “Yes, and we are bringing peace with a one world government—a New Age.” Really top-rate stuff. Our editor laughed so hard at the “Lucifer is lord” part that he farted a little. Thanks for the laughs, you worthless cretin.

MOST LIKELY TO SHOOT OWN FACE OFF

Dear Beast,

Oh, I know my letter in #60 wasn’t all that well-thought out. Here’s why I made that suggestion-

It’s because of the attitude you have about what is printed in The Beast. It’s like a metalhead’s attitude – like saying “Fuck you” to society. You say “Fuck you” to Buffalo/the world’s political situation!

Yes, it sucks here. I’ll agree w/you – I know why Cannibal Corpse/Malevolent Creation/even Benton of Deicide left – “It stinks. It’s just too cold” – said Phil Fasciana of M.C.

Now all 3 of them are in Florida! But, if I move, I’d go to Phoenix, AZ! I hear half of Buffalo is living there now. I’ve never been there!

Now for some commentary-

Your paper rocks! It kicks ass! It says “Fuck Giambra, that goddamn crook”! (I hate him, too)! Let’s face it – How can you tell when a politician’s lying – When their lips move! That’s when!

Paul N Jr.

Dear Paul,

We also say “Fuck you” to Paul N Jr.! Seriously, Paul, thanks for writing such a well thought out letter.