Two unidentified firemen found themselves not only super-embarrassed,
but in seriously deep shit after destroying a $600,000 fire truck while
performing a demonstration of the big ladder for a group of schoolchildren.
The hush-hush accident happened way back in November outside Ladder
10 on Seneca Street and resulted in only minor injuries to one firefighter.
The seventeen-year-old truck toppled over like a palsied brontosaurus,
and the investigation concluded that standard procedures were not followed.
No shit--how hard is it to pull this off, anyway? Imagine if that happened
during a real fucking fire? The two boneheads responsible have been
suspended without pay, pretty much a guarantee they'll never be allowed
to do anything again at the station besides make coffee and order pizza.
The boys at Ladder 10 have been duly shamed and should still be suffering
daily indignities from everyone about "that time the truck up and
flipped over." When the axe inevitably falls on the Buffalo Fire
Department we bet these guys will beg to be shut down and transferred
to be You
One of the dumbest things anyone can ever do is leave a loaded gun at
home with unattended children. It's the first thing they tell you in
Parenting 101, a mistake as obvious as balancing your hairdryer on the
edge of the bathtub. If you're a Deputy District Attorney, this should
never be an issue. Unfortunately, Mark Sacha did leave a loaded rifle
in his closet, and the kids broke it out on a recent boring Saturday
night and, of course, the fifteen-year-old accidentally shot his twelve-year-old
sister in the head, killing her instantly. Two other kids were in another
room. Mom and Dad were at the hospital where Grandpa was dying. Talk
about a heavy load of shit. Of course, things could be worse for Sacha-doesn't
look like any charges will be filed for some reason.
Proving just how desperate most Buffalo area businesses really are,
third rate rap star Da' Franchise and his entourage blew into town like
a tornado and ran up a massive $350,000 bill before disappearing without
a trace. Claiming Buffalo is the rap mecca he always wanted to visit,
Da' Franchise somehow convinced recording and production studios he
and his posse were in town to lay down mad tracks, shoot a few videos,
make a movie, and film a full blown reality television show, a grandiose
vision simply (and humbly) dubbed "The $4.4 Million Project."
Who could resist such a too-good-to-be-true pitch? Not any of the local
music studios (including Chameleon West), video producers, and talent
agencies. The rappers also took up six rooms and two jacuzzi suites
at the downtown Best Western and skipped out after running up a $15,000
tab. They ate like kings for free, too, courtesy of an embarrassed West
Seneca catering firm out almost $100,000. "They stayed 10 or 12
[days] and then fled with a tour bus full of young girls for Boston,
I heard," said Denis Tripi, manager of the Best Western.
about livin' large--these guys came in and had a blast, recording beats,
shooting videos with choreographed dancers, renting limos, partying
all over town, nailing all our hoes, all for free. Damn, now we're pissed
too! Anyhow, the Buffalo trip proved inspiring-the Boston Herald reports
that the same wankstas just pulled the same scam in Beantown, stiffing
another catering firm and the Residence Inn there for thousands before
taking their "project" on the road again. Maybe they're trying
to rack up a $4.4 million bill?
Fallen and I Can't Get Elected
What an exciting time to be Mayor of Buffalo, especially with plans
of merging the city into the county moving into high gear. Naturally,
Tony Masiello blasted the proposed merger plan making the rounds because
it eradicates his job, despite the fact he's a member of the commission
which drafted the plan. Politics is funny like that; a guy will sit
around at the table for almost a decade with a smile and an approving
nod then turn around and call the fellows a bunch of assholes. It's
a mayoral election year. Voters would be wise to carefully understand
what the candidates think about merging the city into Erie County and
ponder why a person would want to run for a job that's supposed to go
the way of the buffalo. Of course, Byron Brown and Sam Hoyt don't want
a merger, at least not before they can set up shop and enjoy two or
three easy terms. So let's get down to the essentials here: First of
all, a merger will take many more years to accomplish; we're talking
about the coordination and cooperation between many layers of bitterly
opposed governments and political players, none of whom want to lose
their jobs: the Mayor, the Common Council, the County Executive and
the legislature, the senators and representatives in Albany, the Governor,
and don't forget all the judges and lawyers once the lawsuits get underway.
Yeah, a merger's gonna happen real soon, eight years and counting since
the idea was unveiled.
as for the mayoral race, that's simple: Masiello couldn't win a fourth
term unless slightly more than half the electorate is forcibly lobotomized.
A recent poll shows him losing in a landslide against every other candidate.
His handlers are already looking for some unlucky local corporation,
foundation or charity to park his doofus ass so he can collect a fat
paycheck and shut the hell up. That leaves Sam Hoyt and Byron Brown
to duke it out, two of the dimmest of dim bulbs Albany has to offer.
Little do they realize the BEAST is creating our own perfect candidate
using top secret former Soviet Union brainwashing technology and our
robot will kick both their asses.
It's been a big problem for many years in the public school system:
those pesky regents exams required for graduation are just too darn
tough for today's high school kids. Finally, the Board of Regents is
proposing a plan which would allow students who fail by a few points
to graduate, sort of like in the Special Olympics, where "close
enough" equals a gold medal. The proposition is aimed at helping
struggling school systems (i.e. most of Buffalo) to boost their numbers
and make teachers and administrators who can almost, but not quite,
get their students to pass, look good. In Buffalo the numbers don't
lie, that is if you can get the numbers; comparative studies are hard
to come by in these parts precisely because they show how pathetic our
situation is. An analysis of state figures ranking a dozen school districts
in the state with similar socio-economic makeup ranked Buffalo number
eleven or twelve out of twelve in categories like test scores, graduation,
spending per pupil, spending per teacher, etcetera. No surprises there.
We think it's a damn good idea to dumb it down, shit, with the Internet
and 5000 channels of television these kids can find the answer to anything
they need if given enough time and the proper bandwidth. No wonder so
many American jobs are going to sweltering foreign shitholes in India
and Pakistan, they either don't have as many mindless distractions or
just deal with them a shitload better than we do.
Four months and counting: Red Budget, Green Budget, no budget, who knows
what we'll wind up with, the Yellow Budget? It's a complete mess; a
second vote on raising the sales tax to 9.25%, the third highest in
the nation, came up two votes shy of the ten it received last month
after the hastily amended not-so-Red Budget was agreed upon in a secret
meeting and passed without any review just minutes before the deadline
would have put the Red Budget into law. The state legislature insists
on at least ten votes before it will consider allowing the county to
raise the tax, but Giambra is forwarding the measure to Albany even
though it won't get voted upon. Joel says he'll agree to a .75% increase
to 9 cents on the dollar, but it would mean not sharing with the city
and other county municipalities, which was a condition of raising the
tax in the first place.
poor Joel will look really bad firing thousands of county employees
and he's whining about how hard he's working to do what's right for
the county, and it's all the OTHER politicians who are screwing us over.
From a logical standpoint, what are we supposed to do? Keep raising
taxes and fees until nobody can afford to live here except county employees?
That would serve 'em right, they'd all wake up one day and realize the
only ones left to bleed dry are themselves. Cuts need to be made, deep
cuts, across the board, painful ones, yet they must be made if Erie
County's going to turn its' horrendous financial affairs around. And
that can only start from the top down, not the bottom up. Too bad there's
nobody out there determined to right the ship and damn the personal
consequences for doing what's needed. Oh well, anyway, nothing for you
to get worked up about, just be prepared to cough up more of your hard
earned dollars for every bogus effort to "fix" the problem.
Three years after the Homicide Squad was disbanded and many, many unsolved
murders later, it's been resurrected in an effort to, well, you know,
solve some homicides. It was an experiment worth trying by a cash-strapped
police department, but the results are conclusive: all them murders
ain't gonna solve themselves. A 21 man (and woman) squad devoted solely
to solving murder cases gets to start with a backlog of 31 homicides
from 2004 alone. Hopefully the trails haven't gone cold yet. Maybe it's
the proliferation of all the "CSI" and "Law And Order"-type
television shows that got to the police brass. They'd prefer looking
cool and being appreciated, not maligned in the press all day long.
So the BEAST would like to personally welcome the Homicide Squad back
from the dead; we hope it means that less guys are out writing parking