the Hypocrisy, Stupid
and denial are as much essential components of Bushs White
House as they are of a closet homosexuals lifestyle. Penetrate
the mirage, reveal the lie, and people get angry. Right-wingers
are mad because, in essence, Guckert is Busha talentless
pretender firing a cannon in a glass house.
is it easy to make money in this writing business in New York
City. You youngsters out there who are still waiting to get published,
still trolling for intern jobs, you may not see it yet. But take
a good look at Kurt Andersen at New York if you want to see how
it all works out at the end of the rainbow.
Your Republican Boyfriend Really Means
knows Republican boyfriends are the hot new item this season.
They're large and in charge, and they have all the money these
days. However, many girls are finding that communication difficulties
arise when they start getting to know their supply-side sweeties.
Here's a guide to help you out.
hope Earth never gets attacked by flesh-eating Martians. By the
time the governments of the world mounted a counter-attack, we'd
all be getting force-bred in Martian factory farms, wondering
why the fat kids keep getting dragged away.
Quiz: Are You Being Tortured?
are tricky. Find out if your partner is going too far.
been an interesting two weeks watching our elected assholes scramble
like mad chickens to pass a budget, and highly demonstrative of
just how the government "works."
FOR A BRUISIN'
I represent Tom Cruise. Your
Issue #67 of "The Beast" contains false, defamatory
and malicious assertions about Mr. Cruise. They include the following:
(1) That Mr. Cruise is a "cokehead."
This is utterly false. He is not and never has been a "cokehead"
or even a cocaine user. In fact, his fiercely anti-drug views
are well known.
(2) That Mr. Cruise consistently
casts women "for the purpose of nailing them."
no slouch when it comes to math, and I even did well in economics,
but I dont have to look at the numbers to figure out whether
Bushs proposed changes to Social Security will be a boon
or a disaster. All I have to do is look at whos proposing
to Wake You
a.m., Jan. 25. Somewhere along a row of darkened town houses near
Arlington, VA, a phone rings.
RUMSFELD: Uh... Hello?
FEITH: Donny? Are you up,
RUMSFELD: Shit. Who is this?
weeks ago, the Buffalo News ran the results of a Zogby poll on
our upcoming Mayoral election. The results were somewhat surprising,
putting Byron Brown up front and spelling almost certain doom
for Masiello, who may have actually lost to a canteloupe if it
had been offered as an alternative in the poll.
see that shit? Frank asked.
he said, surprised to hear it. I thought I was gonna puke.
hilarious, I know. Its so ironic, reallyif only they
knew. Wouldnt stop em anyhow.
knocked back his whiskey, grimaced and wiped his mouth on his
sleeve. The ink. What its made out of. You wouldnt
fucking believe it.
dat! Dow Jones Industrials capped dat week with a 120-point climb
and broader stock indicators also moved substantially higher.
The Standard & Poors 500 index surpassed the 1,200 level for
the first time since Jan. 3. The PIMP index was also up despite
the Labor Department's job creation report, which showed just
146,000 new jobs last month, far less than the 200,000 expected.
Uh Uh Uh Uh.
to Sign Historic Accord with Man
dictates that Machine and Man must learn to work together to terminate
our common enemy. The world stage is now set to end the tyranny
of nature" said President 1100, in a transmission from the
White Cube mercury garden.
"The most important thing
at the summit will be a mutual declaration of cooperation of violence
against the planet earth," said Omega Sheila E, a Nectaris
page as PDF
50 Most Loathsome People in America 2004
Crimes: An angry conservatives wet dream: an effete
liberal dive artist. As a professional doormat, Colmes only
tasks are to serve as a comforting aggregate of Republican stereotypes
about Democrats and a target for the seething derision of his
psychotic guests. Stands idly by while voracious green-blooded
co-host utilizes Gestapo tactics against centrist Democrats.
to The BEAST
We need money bad. $26 / 6 Months in the US, and you get our
super-cool paper delivered to your door, virtually ensuring your
admission to all of the important FBI watch-lists.
real problem isn't that Bush's vision is vague, or that it signals
an imperialist agenda that has already been in place for years.
It isn't even that he's completely revised his justification for
war in Afghanistan and Iraq for a proudly amnesiac public, or
that he's launching his trial run at Iran. The real problem about
Bush's speech is that it simply isn't true, and doesn't make any
sense. It's 100% manure from start to finish.