Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend
 
March 23-April 6, 2005 Issue #71
 Now in a Persistent Vegetative State
50 Most Loathsome People of 2004
The Controversial Article Everyone's Talking About
 
Tom Cruise Strikes Back
Revenge of the Nerd
 
MINIMALLY CONSCIOUS Facts are Bit Players in Schiavo Saga
by Allan Uthman
JACKASSES
Democrats Prepare to Assume the Position
by Matt Taibbi
COMMUNITY BASED CORRECTIONS, LLC
by BuffaloPundit
BUCKLEY CAN SUCK ME
by Matt Taibbi
UNCLE TOM AWARDS
by Johnathan Matthews
 
HOW I BEDDED ANN COULTER
by Dr. I.M. Simpering
 
SUPREME COURT RULES
Ten Commandments are Law, Arrest Warrants Issued
 
Metal Detector Fails To Stop School Shooting; Schools Consider Larger Detectors
by Josh Righter
 
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Schiavo - America's Favorite Vegetable
THE BEAST PAGE 3

INEFFECTIVE POT BROWNIE

Name: Hershey's Triple Chocolate Chunk Schwag Surprise

Turn-ons: Ovens pre-heated to 325 degrees Fahrenheit, the phrase "I think it's working," chocolate chunks, the new Star Wars trailer

Turn-offs: DDT, mandatory minimum drug sentences, high altitudes, anything involving carob

How I Became THE BEAST PAGE 3 Ineffective Pot Brownie: I don't know where these retards get the idea that you can make crappy grass better somehow by converting it into brownie form. All they did was ruin a perfectly good batch of brownies with a ton of old, impotent dirty-tasting leaves. Yecch! I'm fattening and nasty-tasting at the same time, and I am an utter failure in my only purpose for existence.

Future Plans: I'm probably going to dry up here on the counter, since everyone finally acknowledged that the mission was a bust after eating all of my counterparts. Eventually I'll be pried off with a spatula when these losers finally run out of clean dishes, in a couple of weeks or so. I'll probably be partially consumed at a garbage dump by a rat-he won't get high, either.

How I'd Like to be Remembered: A lover, a fighter; a brownie that made a difference. Also as a better overall experience than eating a pan of too-potent pot brownies, which can really suck…or so I've heard.

Matt Taibbi's Controversial Article
 
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