Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend
 
April 6 -April 20, 2005 Issue #72
 All Pope, All The Time
BEAST VIDEO
BEAST Story and Clip on Celebrity Justice

50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE OF 2004

Read Controversial List
TOM CRUISE ATTACKS!
Laugh at Letter from "Mega-Lawyer" Bert Fields  
[SIC] #69
FREEDOM FROM SPEECH Universities: Threatening America's Hard-Won Ignorance
by Allan Uthman
SCHIAVO STRIKES BACK
Journalists to be Punished in Afterlife
by Matt Taibbi
GEORGE W. BUSH
The Uncredible Frightened Man
by William Pitt
ERIE COUNTY SOILS ITSELF WITH APPRECIATION
by Ian Murphy
THE 10 CRAPPIEST THINGS ABOUT DOWNTOWN BUFFALO
by Gabe Armstrong
BLIND DATE SCENARIO
by N. Sorrenti
GEORGIA REFERENDUM
REPLACES ELECTRICITY w/ Prayer In Now-Dark State
BEAST's POLITICALLY CUSTOMIZED LIVING WILL FORMS
Protect Your Rights
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Cover Page
Buffalo in Briefs
Separated At Birth
NEW! Dreams Revealed
Beast-O-Scopes
Kino Corner
Audio Files
Sports Desk
Comix
NEW! Angry Voicemails
[SIC] - Your Letters
 
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THE BEAST PAGE 3

Suspicious Leftover Chinese Food

Name: Kung Pao Chicken Special Combination

Turn-ons: Sodium, flavor enhancers, duck sauce, lazy Americans

Turn-offs: Pizza, health inspectors, the INS, The South Beach diet, Jennifer Aniston

How I Became The Beast Page 3 Suspicious Leftover Chinese Food: You knew I was going to be too much food to eat at one sitting, right? I'm sure you were hungry, but come on-I weigh as much as your cat. Of course you left me out for a few hours before sticking me in the fridge; you were so zonked you couldn't even get up off the couch to find the remote. Now it's been a couple of days, and you're not sure whether to trust me or not. Am I okay? Probably-think of all the preservatives I contain. Sure, the fried rice is a little crunchy, but you can just nuke me for a couple minutes ad I'll be fine. On the other hand, you certainly don't want a repeat of that horrendous episode with the moo shu last year. Well, round-eye, what's it going to be?

Future Plans: I'm betting you'll cave sometime during Letterman. You'll need me to get through that Jimmy Fallon interview. Hey, what the hell, throw the dice, right?

How I'd Like to be Remembered: By a comfortable man with a dry ass. I'm not a monster, you know.

Matt Taibbi's Controversial Article
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