 Get
Your Blog On
The Beast has recenty
embarked on it's first
adventure into the world of blogging. Before you embark
upon your own journey ito the Blogosphere, you’ll need to
assemble your own Blogger’s Survival Kit:
Blogging Goggles: Better known as “Bloggles.” These sporty specs are
a must-have for anyone spending most of their lives in a fultile
effort to change the minds of twenty or so other shut-ins,
none of whom will actually vote. They filter out harmful UV
rays and reduce vitriol by 30%. (Note: when bloggling on Google,
it is appropriate to call it “Bloogling,” but this has been
known to cause severe beatings.)
Cool Name: If you’re a red-stater, you need something strong
and patriotic-sounding, like “Jefferson’s Musket” or “The
Eagle’s Talon” or something. Liberals should opt for obscure,
“I’m smarter than you” phrases like “Vermunculan Parasol”
or “Phrygian Filigree.” Or, for comic fun, go the self-referential
route: a name like “Bloggy Bloggerton, the Blogtacular Blogging
Blog” will be sure to elicit a chuckle, and ensure that no
one ever takes you seriously.
Phony Usernames:
An arsenal of these will be needed to place anonymous comments
on other people’s blogs which refer them to your blog, without
letting them know you’re a desperate self-promoter. These
can also be used to post comment to your own blog, giving
the appearance that people are interested in what you have
to say. Examples: rovehater, wrestlingfan, familyguyrules
Blog-Wear: Forget about the cumbersome apparel of the outside
world, like neckties, raincoats, and pants. Get comfy with
a pair of pajama bottoms and some fuzzy slippers—you ain’t
going nowhere! And, because blogging involves minimal physical
exertion and lowers exposure to outdoor contaminants, you
can relax your personal hygiene schedule
High-Carb Snacks: These are essential to maintain the energy needed
to wage battle against other anonymous blowhards and/or entertain
your audience with criticism of TV shows and pictures of your
cats. They also help to achieve the pre-diabetic body type
considered chic in blogging circles.
Cable TV and Subscription
to New York Times:
How else are you going to debunk the MSM if you’re not constantly
immersed in it?
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