The Beast Page 3 Euclidean Solid

Name: Cone

Turn-ons: Abstraction, exact symmetry, graph paper, traffic “cones,” baklava

Turn-offs: Imperfection, time, fractals, Einstein, calculators

How I got to be The Beast Page 3 Euclidean Solid: I was called into existence gradually, as a dimensionless point, when an undergrad freshman at Stanford won an argument in her geometry class. Since then I’ve been growing more complex. My only problem is I exist in an infinite, empty realm of pure darkness, which can get pretty boring. Plus there’s no bathroom.

Future Plans: I hope to be an octahedron by the end of this semester.

How I want to be remembered: As a seamless product of pure imagination, whose utter perfection can never be matched in mere reality, which also makes a funny hat.