I have been
dating this guy for a couple months now and I just don’t know if I can trust
him. Every time I ask him about him about his past, he shrugs it off and changes
the subject. Do you think he is hiding something? I love him but I feel like
I don’t even know him. What should I do?
relationship we know there are known knowns: there are things we know we know.
We also know there are known unknowns: that is to say we know there are things
we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't
know we don't know. Take this advice to heart when communicating with your
boyfriend. It’s amazing what kind of information you can procure with a simple
electrical cord. If he is still unresponsive, drop him like a bunker buster.
Better yet, just strangle him with the cord. They’re so versatile! Good Luck!
wife and I have fallen on hard times, forcing us to move in with her parents.
Her parents are good people but we can’t seem to get along. I’ve been getting
the feeling lately that they want us out of their house as soon as possible.
We have nowhere else to turn. What am I going to do?
-Upset and Unwanted
from your wife’s parents to leave and set no timetable for withdrawal of your
things, as this will be seen as a victory to your in-laws and a defeat for
democracy. As an American, you have the right to stay there as long as you
damn well please. One strategy which has worked for me is to promise your
hosts that you will fix up their place, and perhaps pay their utility bills.
Don’t bother actually doing it, though; just keep telling them you’re going
to do it. The promises will buy you a few months, after which you’ll be in
a better position to occupy their neighbor’s house.
I have been
married for twenty happy years but lately my wife is acting standoffish and
distant. I am beginning to think she might be having an affair with someone
from her office. I have listened in on her phone calls, looked through her
purse and even looked through all her jacket pockets but I haven’t found a
thing that confirms my suspicions. Do you think she is cheating?
way to phrase that and that is that the absence of evidence is not the evidence
of absence. It is basically saying the same thing in a different way. Simply
because you do not have evidence that something does exist does not mean that
you have evidence that it doesn't exist. And in your case, like most others,
the absence of evidence is evidence enough to take action. Divorce the slut
and take her for everything she’s got! Then have her flown to Syria for interrogation.
I feel awful.
I have been sleeping with my best friend’s fiancée for over a year. What exactly
should I do?
-Guilty in Geneva
I don't know
what the facts are but somebody's certainly going to sit down with him and
find out what he knows—by stripping him naked and setting an attack dog on
him. If he claims to know nothing, you can be sure he is lying; now it’s time
to get the electrodes out. Besides, Guilty, what’s more important—“friends”
or booty? Your friend need to be liberated from this two-timing bitch, so
you can tap that ass on a regular basis! He’ll surely thank you later…when
you release him from the ceiling hook.
and relationship advice, send your letters to: Dear Donny c/o The Pentagon