The
Beast Page 3
Michael Jackson Toast
 Name:
The King of Toast
Turn-ons:
Toaster prophecy, butter, the Pilsbury Doughboy, pain killers,
the gullible, Tom Mesereau and being in the mouths of young
boys.
Turn-offs:
English muffins, Country Crock, Pop-Tarts, The Southbeach
diet, consenting adult relationships, Martin Bashir and unleavened
bread. HOOOO!
How
I Became THE BEAST PAGE 3 Michael Jackson Toast:
It was truly a miracle. I, and dozens like me, magically ejected
from toasters all over the country on the day the Jackson
verdict was handed down, as if a sign from God of Michael
Jackson's innocence. No, really I'm just fucking with you,
I was actually made by some opportunistic dipshit with a propane
torch and a soldering iron. SHA-MOAN!
Future
Plans: Hee-hee-hee! I see myself being sold for at
least $30,000 on E-bay. I mean, a few months ago a slice of
Virgin Mary toast sold for, like, $25,000 and I'm way cooler
than some boring religious prude. HOOOO!
How
I'd Like to be Remembered: As an essential part of
a complete breakfast, and a charred reminder of greed and
denial in a time when real news simply doesn't rate.
|
