THE BEAST PAGE THREE MURDEROUS MILK COW

Name: Lara

Turn-ons: Squashing Croatian farmers, gentle hands, green pastures and incessant milking.

Turn-offs: McDonalds, Burger King, Con-Agra, Dell computers, wallowing in my own filth and incessant milking.

How I Became THE BEAST PAGE THREE Murderous Cow: I was fed-up, you know! God damned bipeds think they own the fucking planet. I just snapped I guess. I don’t know what came over me. I went completely blank and when I came to…I saw him, poor Cadjavacki, the man who had milked me low these many years lying under me, crushed by my weight, no longer breathing. He looked so peaceful; like he was sleeping.

Future Plans: Well it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? They’re going to do me in. That’s what they’ve wanted for some time now; I can see it in their beady little eyes. A cow can only slip up once like this and that’s it, lights out, grade A ground chuck. Hopefully, my hide will become Prada; can you imagine? How chic!

How I’d Like to be Remembered: As a cow that just didn’t give a fuck, a cow that was pushed too far, a cow that, oh god who am I kidding? I slipped! It was an accident! Cadjavacki! Noooooooooooooooooooo!