O.J., trapped as he is in the great space-time Mobius strip
that is man's eternal and ultimately fruitless quest for justice,
has, as the world knows, been spending most of the last decade
searching for Nicole and Ron's killers on the golf courses
of the world. It is a tough life, and recently got tougher:
word leaked out last week that police had to be called to
his Miami home to settle a domestic disturbance. The catch?
In this case O.J. was the one being beat up, not his girlfriend.
According to "O.J. friend" Steve Dockendorf (the
position of "O.J. friend" may eventually acquire
an accepted legal definition, like amicus curiae -- amicus
juicae, maybe), O.J.'s "on-again, off-again" girlfriend,
Christine Prody, went completely bonkers when O.J. reached
into her car to retrieve a bag of stuff the former football
player claims she boosted from his house.
reached into her car to get the bag and that's when she went
crazy on him," Dockendorf said. "She was like a
occurred at Dockendorf's house, where O.J. and Prody had gone
to pick up a battery charger. When the wild animal slapped
and scratched O.J., the amicus OJ called 911, at which point
the girl allegedly went after Dockendorf.
came and broke the situation up. In a move that must have
horrified O.J., police elected not to file charges against
the woman. Talk about an insult. In the old days, O.J. could
have taken care of this matter himself -- just throw on a
frogman costume, grab a butcher knife, and go to work -- but
now, he not only has to take this stuff from women, he has
to sit back while the police don't do anything. Is there no
last few weeks have been something of a rehabilitation period
for the major headline-grabbers of the pro sports crime scene.
Kobe Bryant's image appeared in a Nike ad, which may represent
the biggest endorsement coup for a former suspected felon
since Ray Lewis scored his EA deal. Ricky Williams returned
to Miami Dolphins training camp brandishing an elegant agent-drafted
apology and wearing a gentle, I-read-Siddhartha, Dick Gregory-style
beard. He vowed to stop smoking herb and generally said all
the right things, as did Miami coach Nick Saban -- who is
doubtless at this very moment working the phones trying to
unload Williams on Denny Green or Al Davis.
ARE THEY NOW?
to the special retired NBA power forward segment of the Blotter,
in which some of the storied hoop giants of off-field column
inches reunite for a taste of the old days.
begins in Frisco, Colorado, where Colorado traffic police
last week were able finally to come up with an answer to the
age old paradox of Platonic thought: what happens when the
profit-driven permissiveness of the reality television era
are wedded to the personal death spiral of fading NBA celebrity
a ticket for recklessly driving 98 in a 60 zone in a brand-new
Lamborghini in downtown Frisco. Apparently Rodman was taking
part in a new Reality Show called "The Bullrun,"
whose absurd web site (www.bullrun.com; check it out and,
for fun, try to guess the target audience, observing esp.
the pop-up ads for Hot Wheels cars) explains its entertainment
mission as follows:
Bullrun is the most glamorous and high-profile of the new
breed of high-end luxury lifestyle automobile rallies.”
"Bullrun" is only the most glamorous of the high-end
luxury automobile rallies? If Dennis Rodman is the kind of
celebrity the "most glamorous" of these events attracts,
who takes part in the others? Mary Lou Retton? Kurt Waldheim?
Surely the world is coming to an end of this kind of thing
to police, Rodman was the leader of a fleet of luxury cars
that inspired numerous police calls in the Frisco area. Colorado
State Patrol Capt. Ron Prater denounced the TV show
reality is it’s just a free-for-all across the nation,”
Prater said. “Basically this group has come just come
across and disturbed the peace of our nice little community
with just complete wanton disregard for anybody else.”
wasn't the only state that had Bullrun problems. Utah patrolmen
reported sighting a group of luxury vehicles cruising at well
over 100 mph on I-80 outside Salt Lake, while Nevada State
police issued over 20 citations. Nevada troopers told reporters
of extremely bizarre highway behavior, including "slowing
and blocking traffic and then speeding up, two cars running
side by side, someone trying to jump from one car to another,
passing beer bottles between cars and throwing beer bottles
at other cars."
was also involved in a crash somewhere in Western Colorado,
but was unharmed. No word on when the show will air.
in the No, This Really Isn't a Joke department, serial NBA
underachiever Shawn Kemp, retired now for two years, has apparently
been inspired by his recent cocaine arrest to attempt a comeback.
profile of Kemp in the Chicago Tribune may yet stand as maybe
the outstanding monument to jock egotism of our time. The
story opens with the deliciously over-the-top image of Kemp,
with 25-pound weights strapped this ankles, chugging to the
summit of a hill in George Bush Park in Houston and planting
two American flags in the ground. Shawn Kemp, warrior, patriot,
smoker of the chronic and eater of Ho-Hos. And it only gets
better from there, as the piece plays out like a cross between
Rocky and the Ron Leflore Story.
now attempting to use the press to enter a revisionist history
of his career, one that blames the lockout of 1998 for his
problems. He now says that he would never have become a cocaine
addict and ballooned to 317 pounds (causing his then-team,
the Cavaliers, to bench him for fear of heart attack) had
it not been for the lockout. He claims now that, at 35, he'd
still be an all-star if the work stoppage had never happened.
other problems besides weight and cocaine. A Sports Illustrated
cover story once identified him as the father of seven children
by six different women. He also routinely quarreled with coaches,
missed team flights, and had various run-ins in nightclubs
around the country. Recently, before he decided on his comeback,
he was arrested with longtime friend Gavin Jones when police
searched his car and found a bag containing more than 60 grams
of marijuana, 1.2 grams of cocaine, a stun gun, a 9-millimeter
handgun, pepper spray and Piña Colada tobacco wraps,
among other things. Kemp later claimed it was not his unregistered
handgun, cocaine, marijuana, pepper spray, and stun gun, although
police say he admitted to having smoked some of the marijuana.
the arrest, Kemp apparently reexamined his lie. Now happily
settled, he says, and enjoying being the father to his three
sons Jamir, Jaman, and Jamal, Kemp wanted to "respect
the game of basketball" by making a comeback. He announced
last week that his recent arrest had inspired him to return
to the NBA. No teams have asked him to try out yet; we'll
keep you posted. Maybe Rodman can give him a ride to practice?
realizing that there would be no room for them in the major
sports pages this week (owing to the flood of "Lance
Armstrong, Stalwart Hero To White People Everywhere"
stories surging through the major dailies), America's higher-profile
athletes have elected to avoid committing major felonies.
Therefore the fort was instead held up by an outpouring of
former hotshot college hoopsters, including yet another alumnus
of the Arkansas Razorbacks program, which has been dominating
the SEC crime sheet all year.
another Arkansas Hog paid a visit to John Q. Law. Ron Huery,
38, was arrested last week on charges of rape, first-degree
false imprisonment, third-degree domestic battery, and obstructing
governmental operations. According to police, Huery forced
a woman into his car, hit her, drove her to his apartment,
raped her, and then threatened her before letting her go.
the latest chapter in what has already been a very sad story.
Huery in 1994 was arrested on cocaine and DUI charges and
sentenced to eight years probation. Eight years later, he
still owed fines related to those charges-- so he pulled a
Bundini Brown/Bill Johnson and sold his NCAA Final Four ring.
is the third former Hog hoopster to be busted in as many months.
Former Razorback Ali Thompson was arrested on felony battery
charges last month, and in April, Hog guard Mike Jones, who
played last year, was arrested on DUI charges.
former high-profile hoopster, onetime Lousiville Redbird Bryant
Northern, was arrested last week in an unfortunate incident
involving the burglary of a golf course and theft of a set
of golf clubs.
all been there. You're hanging out late at night with a couple
of buddies in Clark County, Indiana (including the son of
the Jeffersonville police chief) when suddenly you get an
urge to go hit some balls. You drive your friends to the nearest
golf course, and sit back as the sheriff's son burglarizes
the pro shop. Next thing you know, you're being arrested for
felony aiding of a theft, and rung up on a probation violation
stemming from your 2001 conviction for stealing and cashing
the personal checks of a female neighbor. And all of this
just completely screws up your mojo, because you were the
20th-leading scorer in the history of Louisville and well
on your way to a career riding the pine as the 13th man in
Split or Srebenica.
headed back to jail, and that dream is gone. Should have stuck
to club soda, son!