Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend

August 10 - 24, 2005
Issue #81

  ..Buffalo's Best Fiend
The BEAST 25 Most Loathsome Buffalonians
Queen City Loathing

Legislative Juice
Palmiero Charged for War Crimes
Matt Taibbi

Here Comes the Sun
But it's Not All Right
Alexander Zaitchik
A Mighty Wind
Green Power Threatens Corporations
Kit Smith

Tough All Over
Upstate Sucks; No One Cares

Shawn Ewald


Ohio Player
An Interview with Rep. Sherrod Brown
Matt Taibbi


Bush Names New Planet "Little Arbusto"
N Sorrentl


God Hates Boy Scouts
Scott Wagner

The BEAST Blog
Buffalo in Briefs
The Sports Blotter
The Week in Sports Crime
Page 3
Separated at Birth?
Kino Korner: Movies
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

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If you remember who Ned Regan is, you’re too old to be reading this paper. Ned Regan is an ancient GOP warhorse who was recently exhumed to run the Erie County Control Board. We predicted that we were in for a very heavy dose of the old boy network with the Pataki-picked County control board but if you don’t know what goes in a muddled old-fashioned or a Gibson (the cocktail, not the guitar) then don’t even think about applying for a bartending gig with these fogies.

Never heard of Ned? What you need to know is this: the County never hit the legal taxing limit that was required for the kind of doomsday machine that Buffalo wound up with, so what did they do? They promised a nice soft cuddly control board, one that would offer grandfatherly advice from the sidelines while they were not busy holding learned debates on the relative merits of Pampers vs. Depends.

Then the Buffalo News did a little piece on how Ned used to ride these newfangled public transportation devices called buses so that he could talk to everyday common folk in Buffalo about what they wanted to see from a young, aspiring politician. According to The News, Ned was only trying relive his idealistic omnibus days by holding an invite only luncheon with Carl Paladino at Buco di Beppo’s in CheektoVegas.

Soon, The News editorial staff was urging Western New Yorkers to get the Ned out by jumping on board the bandwagon for structural reform led by the new control board. In the time it took for the last issue of The Beast to line hundreds of soiled animal cages, we went from a control board that couldn’t find its dentures to a bunch of stormtroopers led by Jack Palance on ‘roids looking for a fresh kill.

In cheerleading for a rapid transformation from an “advise and consent” role for the new control board to a corporatist star chamber, the News is dong its part to usher in a new age of unchecked robber-barons and unaccountable leadership. But hey, at least it won’t be the voters’ fault anymore.

More Buffalo in Briefs:
2. Plan P: Pataki Positions for Pres
3. Read 'em & Weep: Closing Libraries
4. Informatic Underload: Bioinformatics Keeps its Distance
5. Death Disco Dead: Continental Closes
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