Never heard of Ned? What you need to know
is this: the County never hit the legal taxing limit that
was required for the kind of doomsday machine that Buffalo
wound up with, so what did they do? They promised a nice soft
cuddly control board, one that would offer grandfatherly advice
from the sidelines while they were not busy holding learned
debates on the relative merits of Pampers vs. Depends.
Then the Buffalo News did a little piece on
how Ned used to ride these newfangled public transportation
devices called buses so that he could talk to everyday common
folk in Buffalo about what they wanted to see from a young,
aspiring politician. According to The News, Ned was only trying
relive his idealistic omnibus days by holding an invite only
luncheon with Carl Paladino at Buco di Beppo’s in CheektoVegas.
Soon, The News editorial staff was urging
Western New Yorkers to get the Ned out by jumping on board
the bandwagon for structural reform led by the new control
board. In the time it took for the last issue of The Beast
to line hundreds of soiled animal cages, we went from a control
board that couldn’t find its dentures to a bunch of
stormtroopers led by Jack Palance on ‘roids looking
for a fresh kill.
In cheerleading for a rapid transformation
from an “advise and consent” role for the new
control board to a corporatist star chamber, the News is dong
its part to usher in a new age of unchecked robber-barons
and unaccountable leadership. But hey, at least it won’t
be the voters’ fault anymore.