Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend
 

August 10 - 24, 2005
Issue #81

  .Buffalo's Best Fiend
   
The BEAST 25 Most Loathsome Buffalonians
Queen City Loathing
 

Legislative Juice
Palmiero Charged for War Crimes
Matt Taibbi

 
Here Comes the Sun
But it's Not All Right
Alexander Zaitchik
 
A Mighty Wind
Green Power Threatens Corporations
Kit Smith
 

Tough All Over
Upstate Sucks; No One Cares

Shawn Ewald

 

Ohio Player
An Interview with Rep. Sherrod Brown
Matt Taibbi

 
FAUX-TURES

Bush Names New Planet "Little Arbusto"
N Sorrentl

 

God Hates Boy Scouts
Scott Wagner

The BEAST Blog
Buffalo in Briefs
The Sports Blotter
The Week in Sports Crime
Page 3
Separated at Birth?
Beast-O-Scopes
Kino Korner: Movies
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

COMIX:
Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

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Last Issue: (80)

The Beast Page 3 Presidential Grave Desecrator

Name: Monte

Turn-ons: Presidential grave desecration, Beavis and Butthead, angry rednecks

Turn-offs: CIA-imported cocaine, sanctification of war criminals, “Being Bobby Brown”

How I became The Beast Page 3 Presidential Grave Desecrator: I opened up my Friday by skipping class, and coerced one of my morally challenged friends in to joining me on a road trip (about 3 hours) to the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California. Behind the library, on a hill overlooking Simi Valley, is the final resting place of Ronald Reagan's corpse. Things get a little fuzzy at this point, but judging from my expression and body language, combined with what little I do remember, this appears to be about the time security guards noticed I had jumped the fence and started jigging over Reagan's rotting corpse (the original plan called for the Electric Slide, and then humping the ground, and then whatever else I could get away with, but security was stricter than we had anticipated). We had to tear ass out of there and lose security in the parking lot, but we appear to have gotten away scott-free.

Future Plans: After I posted the picture to the forum at RuthlessReviews.com, the story got picked up by WorldnetDaily, a rabid right wing website. The headline reads, “'Satanist' dances on Reagan's grave” – pretty damn funny if you ask me. Anyhow, now they’re all out to kill me, especially after I posted more pictures, this time of me peeing on Nixon’s headstone too. What can I say; I’m just a funny guy!

How I’d like to be remembered: For these specific acts.

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