the annual Boy Scout Jamboree is a festival of fun, dedication
to Scouting and ambiguously homosexual activities. This year,
however, the Jamboree has been marred by the deaths of four
people, hundreds of scouts suffering from heat-related maladies,
and the postponement of President George W. Bush’s visit.
It is a clear sign, say many, that the scouts do not sit well
with the Good Lord.
assume that the Scouts are about fun and male bonding,"
said Reverend Allan P. Whipple, a leader of the Traditional
Values Coalition (TVC). "But the Lord knows what they’re
really doing behind closed doors: homosexuality and Satan."
speech was originally scheduled for this past Thursday, but
was cancelled when thunder and lightning threatened to kill
him. On Monday, four scout leaders were electrocuted while
playing the traditional scout game of "stick the tent
pole in the power lines".
obvious," said Whipple, "that God hates the Boy
many young males are lured to Scouting by its promises of
outdoor fun, such as hiking, singing, swimming and holding
hands together. However, says the TVC, the Boy Scouts of America
is merely a dummy front for the World Homosexual, Satanic
and Communist Organization (WHSCO), which advocates communism,
world government, hatred of Jesus and the gay lifestyle.
Scouts have also generated controversy over their policy of
not allowing openly gay men into the club. Many liberals believe
that gays should be forced into the Boy Scouts, while many
conservatives are "positive" the Homosexual Agenda
is already controlling the organization. The issue is divisive.
the wife of another leader of the TVC, stated: "While
I am not allowed to be a member of the [TVC] because I have
to be home to make dinner and raise the children, I would
never allow my sons to be a member of that accursed club.
If Jesus hates them, that’s good enough for me, as long
as my husband says so."
who is believed by many to be 1/3 of God, while simultaneously
being God’s son and God himself, refused to comment.
However, his father and 1/3 of Jesus himself, The Lord God
Allah James Jehovah, stated in a press release that while
he hated the gay lifestyle, he did not hate homosexuals themselves.
to the Boy Scouts," he added, "I hate all of you."
and cancellation, compounded by the deaths of some leaders,
has many Scouts "down in the dumps," but hopeful
nonetheless. Said Eagle Scout Bruce E. Schwul: "It gets
you down, of course. But when you’re surrounded by great
guys, who are beautiful both inside and out, it makes everything
so much easier."
the stubbly chin of his friend and they hugged.
two things you’ll never convince me of," concluded
Whipple, "That unborn sperm aren’t children, that
Negroes and Muslims care about America, and that the Boy Scouts
of America aren’t Satanic homosexual Communists, hated
by Jesus and his Angelic Army."
nodded firmly before getting back into her cage.