almost no story here, except that there's enough of a story
to justify the above headline. Last week, Cincinnati Reds
pitcher Jung Keun Bong became the first professional Korean baseball player
to be arrested in the U.S. Bong was nabbed for allegedly
assaulting his wife while Florida for a rehab start with
the Reds' single-A Sarasota club. According to various reports,
police at a hotel in Sarasota Cay had to intervene when
the sounds of screaming were heard from Bong's hotel room
in the middle of the night. After appearing to investigate,
police discovered a "red choke mark" on the neck
of Bong's wife. The pitcher declined to explain the mark
and the proverbial misdemeanor domestic battery charge ensued.
No other paper in the country has come through with the
obvious headline, revealing the poverty of American sportswriting.
once a year a famous athlete throws his name in the hat
as a serious contestant for the title of Supreme Jock Deadbeat
Dad. The headlines for the jock-deadbeat stories usually
involve a combination of two or more of the following elements:
A routine traffic stop in the rural Midwest, usually Oklahoma
or north Texas; startled patrolman sees urgent outstanding
warrant from Detroit probate court, makes contentious highway
arrest of shirtless wide receiver/retired running back.
A delinquency sum of breathtaking, seemingly impossible
dimensions: "Maxwell owes over $950,000 in child support
dating back to his third season with the Rockets..."
An extradition dispute between two states, one containing
the offended probate court, the other containing the police
department that has just arrested the child support fugitive
on another quirky but completely unrelated criminal matter.
A tearful courtroom scene where the ex-athlete proclaims
his regrets; he hugs his 29 year-old son/daughter, enters
his/her name in his Blackberry.
of the curious features of these stories is that jocks who
owe large amounts of child support are almost always wanted
for other crimes, usually strange ones. A typical example
is former NFL wideout Andre "Bad Moon" Rison, one of the all-time
child support deadbeat all-stars, who also pioneered the
crime of buying large amounts of jewelry on consignment
and failing later to pay the tab. Rison's deadbeat Dad/jewel
thief crime-profile combo was later emulated by other wide
receivers, including Terry Glenn of the Dallas Cowboys.
famous deadbeats include former NBA standout shooting guard
Vernon Maxwell (actual debt to Myra Jenkins, mother of his
16 year-old son: $160,000), who also pioneered the crime
of storming into the stands and punching fans in the face.
Joining Mad Max in the deadbeat pantheon are Rison, former
Dan Marino target Mark Ingram (also arrested for grand theft
auto and possession of counterfeit currency), ex-Cincinnati
Reds outfielder Kal Daniels, Daryl Strawberry, Monte Reagor,
Roscoe Tanner, James Brooks, and another former Cincinnati
Bengal, James Francis. The latter, who was arrested in a
sweep of Ohio deadbeats this year, appears to be the all-time
record holder for child-support debt, with courts claiming
Francis owes as much as $460,000.
said, there is a newcomer on that
scene. A federal judge last week sentenced former Seattle
Seahawk running back Chris Warren to five years' probation
for failure to pay some $128,000 in child support. According
to court documents, Warren has not made a court-ordered
$5,000 monthly payment for almost two years.
Seattle's all-time leading rusher, Warren reportedly earned
some $9.7 million in his seven-year career, but is today
completely broke. His attorney, John Wolfe, told the court
that while a Seahwawk, Warren "lived the life of a high-roller and
spent money frivolously." This is no surprise; what
is a surprise is that Warren in his court appearance listed
his employer as "UPS," although he declined to
specify what his duties at Brown are. Warren told the court
"I do love my kids very much"; he has until next
Feburary to get current, or else
he will be imprisoned.
TO YOU MR. ROBINSON
another Seahawk note, the sad tale of recently-released
wideout Koren Robinson grew a little
sadder in the last few weeks, as reports surfaced that Robinson
showed up drunk on the day he was to surrender and serve
a one-day sentence for driving under the influence.
condition upon surrender to Kirkland County, Washington
authorities so enraged judge Albert Raines that the latter
apparently made extremely harsh comments to Robinson in
court, so extreme that Raines last week had to recuse himself
from the case. Robinson, a former number 9 overall pick,
has yet to find a job since being cut earlier this year.
an even sadder story, the horrible criminal plight of the
Gooden family continues to make its way into the news, as
pitching legend Doc Gooden's son was once again arrested
may recall that Doc's son, 19 year-old Dwight Eugene Gooden,
Jr., was busted earlier this spring for allegedly hitting
his girlfriend in an incident that earned him, too, the
proverbial misdemeanor domestic battery charge.
Doc Jr. has been busted for possession of marijuana and
bullets, both of which were found in his car last week in
the course of the dreaded "routine traffic stop."
He will be charged with violating the terms of his parole
following a conviction in a Sep. 2004 bust in a drug sting.
He'll likely do time this time around. Doc Sr. has no comment
you think about it, a college dormitory is a really great
place to commit burglary. Hundreds of living spaces crammed
with the entire personal worth of a bunch of irresponsible,
hormone-crazed kids, many of them rich, and many of them
often also too drunk to make sure their rooms are locked.
What's to stop an enterprising backup point guard from
ducking into your room while you're playing beer pong
and boosting everything you own, your Play Station, your evidence-drenched futon, your serial-killer
trading card collection?
that's what. At least that's
what Marcus Williams and A.J. Price of the University
of Connecticut apparently figured a few weeks back, when
they allegedly lifted four laptop computers worth a total
of $11,000 from university dormitories. The thefts occurred
between June 9 and June 14. Williams was charged with
four counts of felony larceny; Price three, plus a misdemeanor
charge of lying to police. Both face
up to five years in jail.
pair were caught when Williams
allegedly tried to sell the computers at several locations
in Manchester, Connecticut. Is there anything more annoying
than a thief who steals something valuable to you but
worthless to him without a buyer; who steals before he
has a buyer? Ask Jim Calhoun, UConn's
ghostly-pallored Hall of Fame head coach, who now must enter next
season with no point guard at all to depend upon.
has already suspended the pair indefinitely. "They
are barred indefinitely from all team activities, and
their academic and personal activities will be closely
monitored on a daily basis by the members of our basketball
staff," he said. (Note to self: find out whose job
it is in a major sports program to "monitor the personal
activities" of athletes under indictment).
has had a rough couple of years. Another Huskie
guard, Antonio Kellogg, was arrested in April for assaulting
a police officer. Around the same time, three UConn defensive backs were charged with firing a pellet gun
into a car window.
UConn point guard position,
incidentally, has a somewhat storied criminal history.
Rotund championship point guard Khalid
El-Muhammad became one of the nation's most famous potsmokers
after a bust some years ago when he was caught buying
weed in a parking lot; many people today forget that the
uncharged passenger in Khalid's
car that night was none other than Rip Hamilton, the much-revered
quintessential professional who today anchors the Detroit
state, not the school, was home to another major point
guard crime in the early nineties; former all-state high
school guard phenom Dexter Bennett was busted for robbing $400 at gunpoint,
and had to forego a college career to serve a four-year
the UConn fiasco marks the second
time this year that a Division 1 program has been hit
with a laptop-theft scandal. Blotter readers may recall
that on January 19, six members of the University of South
Carolina football team were arrested for stealing some
$18,000 worth of school equipment, including several laptops.
That case was notable for having a defendants list containing
some of the weirder first names ever found together in
a criminal complaint — Dondrial, Syvelle, Woodly, and Rodriques.
any case, Connecticut officials say they expect to make
one more arrest in their case. Newspapers, incidentally,
are reporting that the computers were stolen from members
of the women's basketball team.
it or not, Barret Robbins is
out there among us, committing crimes again.
most of us heard, Robbins, the
former Oakland Raiders Pro Bowl center, was either dead
or on his way to prison until the end of time, after an
extraordinary incident in January. Robbins was apparently
burglarizing an office building late at night in Miami
when police arrived to investigate. They found the 300-pound
sufferer of bipolar disorder crouching in the womens'
bathroom; when confronted, Robbins nearly beat all three
officers to death before he was finally shot in the chest.
He recovered just in time to be bonded out for the absurdly
low amount of $51,000 by a Florida judge who must have
been in a very kind state of mind, as he allowed Robbins
to relocate to Houston, Texas for psychiatric treatment.
past weekend, however, Robbins showed up in San Antonio,
where he was caught driving through town in a massive
SUV and smoking such an enormous quantity of marijuana
that it was sniffed out by a bicycle-mounted policeman
driving on the opposite side of the street. What's more,
police apparently spotted a weed pipe on the center console
of Robbins's SUV.
now have him in jail on an $800 bond and are trying to
figure out what to do with him. "We have no idea
why he was in San Antonio," said police spokesman
Joe Rios. Something tells us Robbins is going to end up
being shot with a cannon in the
streets of Honolulu like an escaped elephant before this
thing is over. We'll keep you informed.