The
BEAST Page 3
Amusing National Security Diversion
 Name:
Spamalot!
Turn-ons:
Recycled jokes, resting on laurels, entertaining wayward power
bitches
Turn-offs:
Judgmental, dehydrated flood victims, mouthy shoe shoppers,
John "I'm so great" Cleese
How
I got to be The BEAST Page 3 Amusing National Security Diversion:
The Secretary of State Works hard, people. She shouldn't let
a little thing like the largest disaster in American history
get in the way of a hard-earned New York vacation. Just because
thousands of people are dying of thirst and the rest can't
afford gas, it doesn't mean Condi doesn't need shoes that
cost as much as a mid-sized sedan, or tennis instruction from
Monica Seles. Miss Rice spent a pleasant evening watching
my hackneyed musical comedy stylings, which I thought was
just dandy, until the lights went up and the crowed booed
her--how very rude!
Future
plans: I'll be raking in a whole lot of cash for
Eric Idle, the most shameless former Monty Python member,
and angering his funnier colleagues who made up most of the
jokes I'm beating to death. You know, "I fart in your
general direction" and all that.
How
I'd like to be remembered: I'm hoping most theatre-goers
will mix me in with their preexisting memories of Monty Python's
Holy Grail--that way they'll think I was funny.
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