Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend
 

Sept 7-Sept 21, 2005
Issue #83

  ..Buffalo's Best Fiend
   
Brown Nose
Buffalo News Endorses Mediocrity
Allan Uthman

Occupational Hazard
Why They Hate Us
Alexander Zaitchik

Lie of the Storm
No one could've predicted this, or something
Kit Smith
Joltin' Bolton
UN Ambassador as bad as you thought
Jeff Dean
Beast Calling!
A Tele-prayer with the 700 Club
(includes audio)

Area Man Remembers 9-11 Twice Daily
Ian Murphy

Point/Counterpoint
A debate on withdrawal

The BEAST BLOG
Buffalo in Briefs
The Sports Blotter
The Week in Sports Crime
Matt Taibbi
Page 3
Bills Season Preview
Ronnie Roscoe
Separated at Birth?
Beast-O-Scopes
Kino Korner: Movies
Voicemails
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

COMIX:
Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

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THE BEAST ANGRY VOICEMAIL COMPENDIUM

The hate doesn’t just come in email form, you know. We got lots of hateful calls this week, and some were just too good not to share with our faithful pro-death readers.

Keep ‘em coming, folks; let us know how we’re doing!

 

Christ Takes Satanic Filth

Well, it’s sad that your paper has to print these antisocial and anti-moral views, but the ad on the back of your August 24th edition about the U.S. Army Reserve, especially when we have young men fighting for a way of life that our parents, your parents, generations before your parents fought and died for in these wars. This is nothing but a paper that Satan works through, and I’ll pray for you because all of your souls are lost; you really don’t get it. You put money before—you put money before everything here. Your paper’s disgusting and I know that if I pray for you that hopefully you’ll see the light. Jesus Christ is the only true answer. He can redeem your souls. He can take all this filth that you print in this paper. While you have the constitutional right to do so and the freedom, the freedom you don’t understand that other countries, they don’t have this freedom, but you chose the dark side over hope, over young men that are over there for your freedom. Shame on you. You can call me back at 444-1363. I extremely disappointed that we’re raising the kind of people that just don’t get it.

 

Speed-Reader

Hey beastie boys, August 24th issue, “From the Publisher’s Desk” – what are the chances of you guys renting a few big-ass Cellino & Barnes billboards that aren’t being used anymore and having that entire thing, or most of it, on billboards where people can read it, people that wouldn’t read The Beast, because that’s something that will make the news. People can sit there and read it. People that don’t get The Beast, see what I’m saying? It might cause a few car crashes, but that would be kind of neat. Take care.

 

Pithy

Thank you.

 

Boomin' Granny

My name is Ruth (name withheld); I live in Niagara Falls New York. I hate to be without The Beast, but I’ve been looking and I think the last issue ended on August 10th and I’ve been looking the 11th, 12th, 13th, today the 14th, this is Sunday. I can’t find it on Pine Avenue. I can’t find it on any place on Niagara Street. What are yous doing? I mean I’m running ragged looking for that wonderful paper of yours. If you can leave me a message if I’m not home, Ruth ___, xxx-xxxx, tell me where and when I can get it. Honey, I’m 76 already and by the time I find it I’ll be 80 at least. Thank you, bye bye.

 

Paging Will Shortz

Yeah uh, no crossword puzzle this issue, very disappointed. Your very loathsome fans at the Mohawk Place. Thank you, bye.

 

Domestic Initiative

Hey guys, how come you haven’t picked up on the rumor about Mr. Giambra, our illustrious county exec. Him and his wife had a big to-do, the police were called, the house is for sale and according to what everybody knows downtown he’s got a little honey pregnant over at county hall. God bless.

 

Where is the Hate?

I just wanted to tell you guys, I love The Beast, it’s a great newspaper, keep up the good work. Thank you.

 

Fine, Be That Way

Hi this is Cindy Kaufman at the Center for Executive Development at the University of Buffalo. Our Assistant Dean received a copy of your paper today and it has a label on it, you know, labeled directly to her right here at our address on campus. And I just wanted to see if there was any way I could find out how it made its way to here; she didn’t sign up for a subscription and she wants to make sure it does not get sent to this office again. If you could please call the office back at 716-645-3200 and ask to speak with Cindy that would be great. Thank you so much. Bye bye.

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