Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend

Sept 21 - Oct 5, 2005
Issue #84

  ..Buffalo's Best Fiend
Why is it OK for the press to lie?
Allan Uthman

Banana Republicans
3rd World, US-style
Shawn Ewald

Drowning Reality
Truth not a Major Factor in New Orleans
Kit Smith
Of Pandas & Morons
Truth vs. Myth in PA
Jeff Dean
Star Wars
The Sequel & the Reality
Bob Fitrakis

Play the Blame Game!
Match the Stupid Quote!
Roberts Confirmation Maze

Buffalo in Briefs
The Sports Blotter
The Week in Sports Crime
Matt Taibbi
Wide Right
Bills Football
Ronnie Roscoe
Kino Korner: Movies
Michael Gildea
Page 3
Separated at Birth?
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

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Last Issue: (83)

...But Who's Counting?

As if the subhuman turnout in the primary weren’t bad enough, it seems that voter fraud, the hot new trend that’s sweeping the nation, may finally be making its way to our hometown.

In theory, paper ballots are the most accurate and tamper-proof voting method available, if they are counted according to the law, which Free Buffalo’s Randroid guru Jim Ostrowski has graciously provided via the internet:

“S 9-100. Canvass; required. At the close of the polls the inspectors of election shall, in the order set forth herein, lock the machine against voting, account for the paper ballots, canvass the machine, cast and canvass all the ballots, canvass and ascertain the total vote and they shall not adjourn until the canvass be fully completed.”

Instead, the ballot boxes were transported by county sheriff’s deputies to the Board of Elections after the polls were closed, where they are to be counted—a week after the vote took place. No conflict of interest there, we’re sure.

The Buffalo News reports that “Elections officials insisted they had no choice, saying the county's budget mess resulted in their staff being slashed to 31 from 58 a year ago.” Big deal. These guys have to put in a long night twice a year. Besides, isn’t it usually volunteers who do the counting?

Seriously, does anybody trust these people? It’s not like Elections Commish Ralph Mohr, a Republican with obvious favorites in this election season, is a disinterested party in the primary. Most telling is Mohr’s Orwellian proclamation to candidates still waiting to find out if they won or lost: "We need to put preserving the integrity of the ballots over expediency,” disregarding the fact that expediency and integrity are one and the same in this case.

Elections are meaningless if we can’t trust their results. Even if there is no funny business going on here, the appearance of impropriety is enough to taint the results—and a week’s delay, pitched as a “shortcut in the law,” doesn’t just appear improper. It’s a felony, even if they count it right.

As the News reported, “In a worse case scenario [sic], said Mohr, the move could trigger a legal challenge.” But we think this would be a best case scenario, because it might cause things to be done properly in the next election cycle. Democracy means nothing without accurate vote counts achieved through a reliable process. Someone needs to sue these asses—better yet, someone needs to prosecute them.

It was Josef Stalin who said, “Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.” Old Joe would be proud of Ralph Mohr.

More Briefs:
1. Some People Have Spoken
3. The Red Sea
4. Bass Pro: Smell the History
5. Slaughterhouse Jive

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