Permanent Hooky, Beer Blasts Busted

It’s so tragic it’s hilarious. Hand-picked Schools Superintendent James Williams can’t find his students—3,000 of them. They’re enrolled, but they’re not showing up.

Quoted by WNED-AM’s Mike Desmond, Williams said some funny shit, like “We’re trying to find out, where are they,” and “Are they in charter schools or parochial schools? Did they leave the city? Are they sitting at home? We’re trying to figure out where they are.”

If Williams seems a little overprotective of these wayward youths, you can bet it’s for a good reason: the mass truancy could translate into a loss of state funding. And you thought he was worried about the kids.

In higher education news, cops have been hassling the hell out of UB students the past couple of weekends, arresting almost 30 at house parties in University Heights. Apparently, Buffalo is so placid and crime-free that our police have nothing better to do than throw kids in jail for getting loaded with their friends, just like every tight-assed faculty member in the damned SUNY system did when they were undergrads. It’s really great to know that the boys in blue are out there protecting the community from the rising scourge of celebration.

In related news, a drunk student was found passed out in the UB president’s office in Capen Hall at the North Campus late Saturday night. Perhaps he was afraid to drink at his apartment, for fear he’d be arrested.

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