Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend

Oct 5 - Oct 19, 2005
Issue #85

  ..Buffalo's Best Fiend
Bursting the Bennett Bubble
Count me out on this one
Allan Uthman

Post-Katrina, Pre-kaboom?
The Nukes are Loose
Russ Wellen

Tenet & the Bare Necessities
Touch the CIA Director
A Monkey
Fristing America
In Search of the Senator's Rolex
Ian Murphy
Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Gasoline
Kit Smith
Bush Declares War on Hurricanes
"It's time to fight back"
Luke Allein
Ask a Janjaweed Militiaman
Genocidal social advice
How to Wipe Your Ass With Buffalo Current
New paper finds its niche

Visitor's Gude to  Buffalo--Cheektowaga
Tom Maccio

Buffalo in Briefs
Wide Right
Bills Football
Ronnie Roscoe
Kino Korner: Movies
Michael Gildea
Page 3
Separated at Birth?
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

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Last Issue: (84)

Permanent Hooky, Beer Blasts Busted

It’s so tragic it’s hilarious. Hand-picked Schools Superintendent James Williams can’t find his students—3,000 of them. They’re enrolled, but they’re not showing up.

Quoted by WNED-AM’s Mike Desmond, Williams said some funny shit, like “We’re trying to find out, where are they,” and “Are they in charter schools or parochial schools? Did they leave the city? Are they sitting at home? We’re trying to figure out where they are.”

If Williams seems a little overprotective of these wayward youths, you can bet it’s for a good reason: the mass truancy could translate into a loss of state funding. And you thought he was worried about the kids.

In higher education news, cops have been hassling the hell out of UB students the past couple of weekends, arresting almost 30 at house parties in University Heights. Apparently, Buffalo is so placid and crime-free that our police have nothing better to do than throw kids in jail for getting loaded with their friends, just like every tight-assed faculty member in the damned SUNY system did when they were undergrads. It’s really great to know that the boys in blue are out there protecting the community from the rising scourge of celebration.

In related news, a drunk student was found passed out in the UB president’s office in Capen Hall at the North Campus late Saturday night. Perhaps he was afraid to drink at his apartment, for fear he’d be arrested.

More Briefs:
1. Vote or... Don't
2. Folding on the River

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