Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend
 

Oct 5 - Oct 19, 2005
Issue #85

  .Buffalo's Best Fiend
   
Bursting the Bennett Bubble
Count me out on this one
Allan Uthman

Post-Katrina, Pre-kaboom?
The Nukes are Loose
Russ Wellen

Tenet & the Bare Necessities
Touch the CIA Director
A Monkey
Fristing America
In Search of the Senator's Rolex
Ian Murphy
Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of Gasoline
Kit Smith
FAUX-TURES
Bush Declares War on Hurricanes
"It's time to fight back"
Luke Allein
Ask a Janjaweed Militiaman
Genocidal social advice
How to Wipe Your Ass With Buffalo Current
New paper finds its niche

Visitor's Gude to  Buffalo--Cheektowaga
Tom Maccio

The BEAST BLOG
Buffalo in Briefs
Wide Right
Bills Football
Ronnie Roscoe
Kino Korner: Movies
Michael Gildea
Page 3
Separated at Birth?
Beast-O-Scopes
[sic] - Letters
 Cover Page

COMIX:
Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

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THE BEAST PAGE 3
WEDGE ISSUE

Name: Gay Rights

Turn-ons: The sanctity of marriage, being referred to as a ‘key issue’ in the media, blinding homophobic hay-seeds to the executive branch’s craven push for totalitarianism, eroding civil liberties, torture, Dick Cheney’s new bionic knees and everything fabulous!

Turn-offs: Legislating from the bench, fags, critical thinking, due process under the law, taking a backseat to that bitch Roe, a strong judiciary, the commerce clause and Hot Pockets (yuck!).

How I got to be The BEAST Page 3 Wedge Issue: Well I’ve been around for a while now but I only get into the publicity side of things when you can’t count on people being apathetic about real issues. Like right now I am totally booked! They’ve got me doing newspaper bits, radio spots, late night talk shows; you name it, and all to run interference for this Miers broad (by the way, Harriet—time for a makeover, sister, and I am talking extreme). I’m just out there shaking my money maker and loving it honey!

Future plans: To become the most ironic wedge issue of all time. The way I see it, if people keep staring at me prancing around all feminine and threatening like, they won’t even notice that they have been herded up and thrown into jail indefinitely with no legal recourse and, better yet, with no sexual recourse but homosexuality. It’s a win-win situation!

How I’d like to be remembered: As a bright, sparkly rainbow that shot across America’s poop deck and spread freedom to the world’s most powerful people.

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