[sic] -
Letters
YOU
& WHAT ARMY?
Subject:
US Army will shut down your Paper
Your
are in violation of Trademark infringement, for placing
the actual phone number and e-mail for the US Army in your
Paper. You need to have permission before using the
Army of One symbol. Your paper have been given to
the Authorities that will enforce theses law, and I am sure
that your paper will cease to exist in the near future.
As a soldier I am hurt and disgusted with this
ad. I do not fight for this country and protect
the right of freedom of speech for it to be misused in this
manner. I suggest you find a new country to live in
for you are not welcome here, Trust Me on that one!!!!
*
A Army of One
SSG
Kishel, Joseph J Jr
US Army Military Police*
BEAST
Publisher’s reply:
Sarge,
While I was in the Army I always wanted to tell an MP to
fuck off but never got the chance. Thanks for giving me
the chance now. Fuck off!
-
Paul Fallon
KUNG
FU GRIPE
Dearest
Beast,
Since
relocating to Montpelier, it has taken me close to 3 months
to coax a cable guy to make the trek to my dojo to install
high-speed internet. Given the location of my recently
opened martial arts school where I reside and teach, the
journey can be likened to the Bataan Death March. I finally
was able to seal the deal with a gigantic fishing rod extended
over a cliff, cleverly baited with a XXX diamond cheddar
half-wheel with concentrated keef at the core. There is
no real point to this communication other than to say I'm
glad you're still at it--being bron and raised in b-lo,
I respect the loathsome list, with the lone exception on
Chris Jacobs' inclusion, who I feel should be supplanted
by Zach Gerschberg. Is your publication admittedly misogynic?
Yours
in Earnest Goes to Jail,
Verne
No
Verne, we’re not misogynists; in fact we love women. Especially
ones who like to give head.
SURE,
THAT MAKES SENSE
Creation
or Evolution
Only
God can create. He is Alpha and Omega, the beginning and
the end. In between is us what we do with it the energy.
Do we do good or evil, who do you work for? This is our
choice. How far have we evolved, are we in it for ourselves
or for the good of man kind? The common good.
Are
we evolving into hedonistic people or God-fearing people?
Let’s make the right choice.
Doc
Absolutely,
Doc! And since we’re not afraid of things that don’t exist,
clearly hedonism is the right choice! Thanks for clearing
that up.
POISONING
YOUNG MINDS
yesterday
i saw three kids about 14yrs old walking west on main street
in clarence. as they walked by the red box that sits out
by the street all by it's lonesome because wilson farms
is scared, the one male teen took a look around and snatched
a BEAST from the box like I used to snatch a pack of smokes
from the vending machine at the bowling alley at 14yrs age.
i fucking love it. you know he's gonna read that shit cover
to cover. maybe not get it all, but plant the seed. religion
is archaic. facts over fiction
esthebee
We’re
like the tobacco industry, esthebee; we gotta get ‘em hooked
early.
BAD
NEW DAYS
…I think I’m getting old.I can’t stand this new hip hop
music, I seem to complain about the government a lot, and
it seems to me things used to be much better in this country
back when I was growing up. I’m thinking this might be
some nostalgic like mental disorder that you get when you
reach your mid fifties that causes you to think this way.
My parents seemed infected as I recall , they hated rock
and roll, and were constantly telling us how wonderful
things were in those ancient times before the country began“going
to hell in a hand basket.” (A phrase that I don’t understand
to this day)
But now that I have a colonoscopy or two under my belt and
learning a new pin number causes me to forget my zip code
due to the limited space in my brain, I’m thinking things
really did seem much better in this country back when I
was growing up.
Consider this ,35 years ago in July Neil Armstrong walked
on the moon. A month ago the space shuttle limped into an
airport somewhere after dark with parts falling off it.
And it’s not just the space shuttle that’s falling apart,
it’s the entire airline industry as well. …now they just
show you a picture of a bag of peanuts…and the age old air
travel mystery still remains.Yes, it’s still cheaper to
fly round trip than it is one way.
The health care system is so complicated and expensive that
If I get sick these days I have to put some tire tread marks
on my shirt and lay down on the side of the road while
my wife calls 911 to report a hit and run …
Then there's the environment which seemed to be making
a comeback a few years back they had even cleaned up the
Cuyahoga River at least to the point where it didn’t catch
fire all the time. But these days there’s enough mercury
in the fish in our rivers and streams you could use them
as thermometers the acceptable arsenic levels in our water
are getting higher than a kite on crack, while this “clear
skies” initiative allows for air just dirty enough so you
can’t chew it.
…Our president a one time failed texas oil man has at last
located a vast oil field ,unfortunately it’s in another
country. And so instead of conserving energy we now just
invade other countries under the guise of spreading democracy
and take their oil…our nations highways are clogged with
inefficient tank like hummers and suvs that guzzle gas
like late stage alcoholics and then tip over.
Then there’s the media. Ever since rich angry conservatives
managed to get rid of the fairness doctrine in broadcasting
there are whole media conglomerates owned by rich angry
conservatives to report news which for some reason seems
slanted towards the rich, the angry and the conservative…
And now we have a president, son of president , so dim
he seems to think scientific fact is a kind of left wing
theory who says that there is no global warming and we
should be teaching a religious version of evolution in school
called intelligent design.
I’m even reading stories about creationists who are saying
there were dinosaurs on Noah's ark. Yes in texas of all
places someone claims to have found fossilized dinosaur
and human tracks that crisscross contemporaneously. I thought
at first this was a joke but apparently there is a movement
on by some creationists to “take back the dinosaurs” These
guys are claiming there were dinosaurs romping in the garden
of Eden then Noah took a pair on the Ark with him.
I can’t help but wonder how many more species we would
have today if those dinos hadn’t eaten half of the other
animals on the ark. I think there could be a great movie
in here somewhere as well, maybe something like“ Jurassic
Ark .” Picture a kind of Charlton Heston meets Godzilla.
If you had told me 30 years ago any of this stuff would
actually happen, I would have told you “you’re trippin”
man.
Yeah,I
may be getting old but things really were a lot better
when I was young and I’m not trippin dude. This country
is going to hell in a hand basket.
David
W Scott Jr.
David, thanks for telling us about everything we routinely
write about. Let us know if you need any help on the “Jurrasic
Ark” project; we love a good farce.
OFF
HIS MEDS
I
have been tracking space war for so long I forget you know
so little about it. Today I am going to go into the subtleness
of it and attempt to prove something about space war before
space war proves itself today, the next day, or the next.
I
am gong to attempt to prove to you there is a connection
between three elements which may not to you seem connected.
I do not expect this proof to do you any good whatsoever,
I am just doing it for the hell of it.
Those
three elements are Foolish George, the alleged president
of the United States of America; and the capsizing of the
tourist boat on Lake George, New York; and the refusal of
Foolish George to end America’s torture enslavement of me.
[…]
I
would say the USA on the average is struck by space war
events more frequently than weekly, but they are not recognized
as such by you Americans; and that is why we Space Sailors
call those space war events “Pearl Harbors Before Swine”.
[…]
Now
I know you are likely to pooh pooh this and say no no, Virgil
the Telepath is mad; but what I am telling you is true
even though all the shrinks and all the politicians and
all the preachers and all the news people line up against
it, which they likely will do.
So
here it is: The turning over of the tourist boat on Lake
George was what we Space Sailors call a “communications
hit”. It was a communication to me to help me along in this
work, and it was a communication to you to help you survive
if you care to receive the communication.
[…]
Bear
in mind, we are talking in this work about the death of
our Earth in less than 60 years. We say this is a matter
of some urgency, but you pooh pooh and say no no, Virgil
the Telepath is crazy.
We
are talking these days about an event soon to take place
that we expect to be so huge that it will, either figuratively
or literally, pause our Earth in its rotation for from two
hours to two days.
Said
another way, we are saying your own private world is about
to be capsized by the huge event we are calling “Stop Sign”.
Stop Sign’s window is October 4 through 6, today through
Thursday..
[…]
And
further we are saying God is intervening, that God has damned
Foolish George for murdering children, and that God is going
to stop Foolish George from murdering our Earth.
[…]
This
Lake George event is interesting to me because it describes
so poetically what is about to happen to all of you because
you are all in the same boat; you are all tourists in life
aboard the Good Ship Cherry Pop. That is, you each are about
to lose you space war cherry.
I
look through my memory for a similar communications hit
in the past, and the one that pops up is my advance documentation
of the allegedly accidental crash of a tourist helicopter
near the Grand Canyon shortly before 9/11.
This
helicopter event was part of my advance warning pattern
prior to the 9/11 attack.
I
received and passed on to you many such warnings before
the attack, and that warning in particular pointed to one
of the locations of the 911 attack. That is, it pointed
to New York City because the passengers on the crashed helicopter
were all Jews from New York City, like the passengers on
the boat were all elderly tourists from Michigan.
Now
you can pooh pooh this and say no, no Virgil the Telepath
is off his rocker, but in fact that helicopter was intentionally
crashed because those New York Jews were on board, not
as an anti-Jewish statement but as an identification of
a target in the larger event I was tracking. It was a communications
hit.
[…]
You might say this to was a lousy way to warn you; but it
was not meant to warn you; it was meant to further communicate
to me that a large number of the people who torture and
enslave me were going to be killed in a commercial airline-based
attack on New York City.
[…]
Because this information means so little to you I have deleted
a half dozen or so paragraphs from this entry because they
went into too much detail to hold your attention. Deleted
was how the name of the capsized boat is important, for
example.
Soon
this work will no longer be called Pearl Harbors Before
Swine, not that you will cease to be swine but because the
experience we call “Cherry Pop” will have taken place and
you will be aware that you are being talked to; although
that awareness may cause you to squeal like stuck pigs..
Cherry Pop, that’s what we Space Sailors call your baptism
of fire, that moment in Time when you Americans go from
being smug asses to knowing you are the center of the Bull’s
Eye, and not the center of the Universe.
Ummm…Virgil the Telepath is crazy.
