HELFER OR HE’LL BEAT YOUR ASS
Buffalo News, predictably, endorsed Republican candidate
Kevin Helfer for mayor the other day. We’d say this was
a particularly stupid endorsement, but it really wasn’t
any dumber than most of their endorsements have been this
year. It did, however, contain the most ridiculous political
sports metaphor we’ve seen this year:
the hell with City Hall, get Helfer down to Ralph Wilson
Stadium, we need him down there! There’s a lot wrong with
this statement. For one, what do the five tacklers represent?
Union negotiators? Why does the News have to use words like
“thoroughbred” and “pedigree” when describing Brown, as
if he’s some advanced animal husbandry project? What the
hell does smashing into people have to do with running a
again, the News bases its editorial on nothing factual,
just baseless conjecture stated as fact. And big dumb metaphors.
instance: Baseless conjecture stated
as fact – “Helfer would hire the best people for jobs regardless
of their connections or lack of them.” Well, isn’t that
reassuring. How the hell does the News know this? They don’t
bother to tell their readers; we’ll just have to take their
word for it.
is asserted, again for reasons not shared with us, that
“Helfer seems to have the toughness to say no to [Carl]
Paladino,” the local developer, known to be a major political
player, who is responsible for ¾ of Helfer’s campaign cash.
Isn’t that reassuring? He “seems” to be able to refuse favors
to the guy who got him elected. Perhaps Helfer can also
bench press a Boeing 747.
fact, a reliable source informs us that Helfer was at La
Nova Pizza last Saturday, apparently meeting with Paladino
and old Joseph “Lead Pipe” Todaro Sr., legendary local crime
boss. So how much “toughness” does it take to refuse repayment
of favors to mobsters? More than Helfer’s got, if he values
the editorial, it seems that the News’ impressions of Helfer
are based solely on the fact that he is a big, burly man.
Helfer is “tough,” he has “toughness,”
“grit,” “bulldog drive,” “blue-collar determination.” He’s
kind of like John Goodman’s character on “Roseanne,” except
he’s married to the established ruling class of Buffalo
– Paladino, M&T’s Bob Wilmers, The News’ Stan Lipsey
and Warren Buffett, among others, and not a loudmouthed
overrated comic. No doubt, Helfer will have the “toughness”
to do whatever he can to smooth things along for these wealthy
locals and their continued prosperity. When the News argues
that Brown “is beholden to interests the city does business
with,” it fails to mention that Helfer clearly fits that
bill as well.
News predicts a “watershed” election, meaning that Helfer
will win now that they have endorsed him. Don’t give them
the satisfaction. If you want real change, and a candidate
who really doesn’t owe anybody favors, vote for Judy Einach.
Don’t fall for the old “Republican reformer” BS – just look
what it’s done to the rest of the country.
speaking of baseless conjecture, the last line of the piece:
doubt? After a bunch of references to the fact that
Helfer can beat your ass, and some absolute conjecture that
he will do what he says, now there’s no doubt that
Helfer will rescue Buffalo from political malaise, that
he is a crusading reformer for the people?
said it before, but the editorial quality of the Buffalo
News just seems to get worse and worse. It embarrassing,
frankly. It’s not so much that we disagree—although we do
disagree—as it is that the News can’t even back up its own
endorsements with anything resembling fact-based logic.
for Helfer because he’s a fullback? Do they really
think we’re that stupid?