The BEAST Page 3
Secret Head of the National Clandestine Service

Name:  “Jose”

Turn-ons:  The patriot act, sneaking, peaking, dubious Latin heritage, code names, the CIA, FBI, NSA, DIA, government acronyms in general, multilayered inefficient bureaucracy, tostadas de mi madre, Clint Eastwood, misusing intelligence, total secrecy, “Mind of Mencia” and todas mis señoras del ghetto!

Turn-offs:  Taco Bell, being identified, being mistaken as Samoan, siesta jokes, people asking questions like ‘who is he and why can’t we know his name?’ and when a classified member of the intelligence community is exposed (unless of course it is done out of revenge for her husband’s debunking administration claims that Iraq was attempting the purchase of uranium in Niger).

How I got to be the BEAST Page 3 Secret Head of the National Clandestine Service:  Funny story really, Porter Goss and I were shooting hoops a couple of weeks back and he says “hey, me and my main Negroponte were thinking of starting a new agency that would oversee all human intelligence operations, tell you what – you sink one from downtown and you can head it up!” Needless to say, nothing but net, vatos! Jose got mad skills!

Future plans:  First and foremost, as my position calls for, I will begin working to integrate and coordinate all 15 US intelligence agencies involved in spying, both domestic and international. After that, I can’t see how it is any of your fucking business esse!

How I’d like to be remembered: As one clandestine, hardcore cholo motherfucker! You know what I’m sayin’ homes?