Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend
 

Nov 2 - Nov16, 2005
Issue #87

  .Buffalo's Best Fiend
   
All Day Suckers
Getting fooled again
Allan Uthman

The Undoucheables
Even Fitzgerald can't cleanse media pussies
Paul jones

All Eyes on Greenland
Global Warming continues to warm the globe
Alexander Zaitchik
Scalito's Way
Supreme Court loses its swing
Donnie Dobovich
Nuclear Terror goes Primetime
But who's watching?

Russ Wellen

Why 2K?
Lucky 200th dead soldier wins free autopsy
Jeff Dean

Slaving You More
A brave new world right next to the salsa
N. Sorrenti
An Evening with Malcolm McLaren
We got to hang out with him & you didn't
Paul Fallon

FAUX-TURES
Ask Kim Jong Il
Advice from the world's most colorful super-villain

LOCAL
Judy, Judy, Judy
An interview w/ Judith Einach, Buffalo's best hopeless Mayoral candidate
Vote for Helfer or He'll Kick Your Ass
The Buffalo News' Illogical Endersement

The BEAST Blog
Irresponsible vitriol on a near-daily basis

[sic] - Letters
Wide Right
Bills Football & other sports
Kino Korner: Movies
Michael Gildea
Page 3
Separated at Birth?
Beast-O-Scopes
 
 Cover Page

COMIX:
Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

ISSUE #87PDF FILE
(right-click & "save target")
ARCHIVES
RSS FEED
LINKS
SUBSCRIPTIONS

MERCHANDISE

Last Issue: (86)

The BEAST Page 3
Secret Head of the National Clandestine Service

Name:  “Jose”

Turn-ons:  The patriot act, sneaking, peaking, dubious Latin heritage, code names, the CIA, FBI, NSA, DIA, government acronyms in general, multilayered inefficient bureaucracy, tostadas de mi madre, Clint Eastwood, misusing intelligence, total secrecy, “Mind of Mencia” and todas mis señoras del ghetto!

Turn-offs:  Taco Bell, being identified, being mistaken as Samoan, siesta jokes, people asking questions like ‘who is he and why can’t we know his name?’ and when a classified member of the intelligence community is exposed (unless of course it is done out of revenge for her husband’s debunking administration claims that Iraq was attempting the purchase of uranium in Niger).

How I got to be the BEAST Page 3 Secret Head of the National Clandestine Service:  Funny story really, Porter Goss and I were shooting hoops a couple of weeks back and he says “hey, me and my main Negroponte were thinking of starting a new agency that would oversee all human intelligence operations, tell you what – you sink one from downtown and you can head it up!” Needless to say, nothing but net, vatos! Jose got mad skills!

Future plans:  First and foremost, as my position calls for, I will begin working to integrate and coordinate all 15 US intelligence agencies involved in spying, both domestic and international. After that, I can’t see how it is any of your fucking business esse!

How I’d like to be remembered: As one clandestine, hardcore cholo motherfucker! You know what I’m sayin’ homes?

© Copyright 2002-2005, The Beast. All rights reserved.