NOT
BITTER
Was
I really the only person to notice gender week was really
feminist week? The plight of women in this country is a
joke. Fight for equality not revenge. Child support and
abortion cannot co-exist as it does today. This country
will feel the effects of this unjust system sooner or later
but by then men will probably be castrated at birth. While
women are not all the same the law has created a situation
where men cannot trust a woman. Feminism has really taken
a wrong turn. I was informed about abortion in high school.
A pile of raging hormones cannot make a reasonable decision,
and while some men are able some are not, just like women.
Its time people started to do something about this. The
pro-lifers are morons also. Take god out of your arguement
and use equality, if its a womans body and a womans choice
why do we have child support amongst non-married parents?
I can understand divorce but this system doesnt work for
singles. The family court is basically blackmail of the
worst kind. It comes down to the poor choices people make
and the selfish reasons they have or dont have abortions.
I find it difficult to believe that women are being forced
to be sex objects, thats a choice also, but women dont want
to admit that they want thier cake and eat it too, well
they do get thier cake and eat it too, except for ugly women
maybe. But even an ugly woman has a better chance of finding
"love" than an ugly man.
Mike Clark
We’re
sure you would know, Mike. Sorry you weren’t bright enough
to pull out in time. Try not to kill anyone, okay?
COLONEL
KNOW-IT-ALL
I'm
a retired Army colonel (1999) and agree with the thrust
of your article [“Buffalo
Soldiers,” issue 86], but you're factually wrong
about double dipping. Congress changed the law, and military
retirees collect their full pensions if employed by the
federal government. Even before the change in law it wasn't
a dollar for dollar offset and applied only to regular service
officers not reservists and enlisted members.
Sincerely,
Gerald A. Lechliter Lewes, DE
Thanks
for the clarification, sir, but doesn’t that just mean they’re
all double dipping? Anyway, the principal caved in, clearly
as a result of our white-hot media spotlight on the issue.
Now students at Hutch Tech can once again exercise their
right to fall asleep in their notebooks during study hall.
PLAGIARI—ZING!
Paul
Greetings old friend. One of my fellow amateur radio, ham
radio, friends is a huge fan of The Beast. When he'd heard
of my tenure and service with you guys he was very interested
and eventually bought a subscription. He told me, the other
night over the radio at a round table called a net, that
YOU personally made a delivery for him not wanting his subscription
to unfulfilled. He told me he was thrilled to meet you,
much more than the thrill of meeting any politician could
ever warrant. He believes you to be a true fighter for truth,
you and your staff. He loves the paper and would often say
on the air and to me in person that it was difficult to
get a paper from any BEAST BOX as, "They always seemed
to be cleaned out when I got there."
P.S.
Have you heard of a little play called "Buffalo Zings"?
It is a play about Buffalo and its many comical problems/issues.
There is a scene dedicated to THE BEAST! I kid you not!
They are making light of the "most
loathsome [Buffalonians]" list.
Noah
Noah,
you need to get out more, buddy. We’d spend more time ridiculing
you, but right now we’re busy preparing to sue the producers
of “Buffalo Zings” for royalties. Boy, we bet that show’s
priceless!
PLEASE
ATTACK GOD
Hello
- I've waited long enough to write you, Mr. Chief Editor-Man,
about a feature that ran for two brilliant issues and was
dropped mercilessly and without explanation.
Don't
ask me now who the writer was (my slow connection makes
navigating your archives painful) but there was a column
written by a former Catholic who actually sat down to read
the Bible and dissected the bizarre twisted truth found
therein. Now it's gone.
Why?
Why?
I
miss it so, even if it last appeared so very, very long
ago.
M
It’s
true, M, Itza Crock’s “Cross
Examination” ran only two
scant episodes before he mysteriously disappeared overnight
the day after the Kingdom Bound tour hit Darien Lake. With
any luck, he will one day be resurrected and continue to
debunk the most easily refuted author this side of Sean
Hannity.
GEE
WHAT A GREAT IDEA
Hello,
I was just wondering if you were going to run a story about
online coupon codes this fall for the Christmas season?
I think it might be useful to people (anything that helps
save money). Some of the sites that I use are KeepCash.com
and eCouponCodes.com. I actually also just noticed that
KeepCash posted the after Thanksgiving Black Friday ads
which is nice because you can see what will be on sale and
plan ahead.
:-)
I hope this helps!
Julie
Wow,
thanks, Julie! We were sitting around, wondering what to
write about this Christmas, and you know, wow – online coupon
codes! Why didn’t we think of that? But you know what would
really, really help? If you’d kill yourself in a particularly
horrible fashion. You know, battery acid, gasoline, wood
chipper—whatever’s around. Just do it quickly, so then you’ll
be dead, you fucking life-stealing spammer bitch. Die, die,
die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die.
TRUE
LOVE AT LAST
Hello
my hope!
I
am not sure you get this message but if you got I want you
to know that I want to travel to your country to work in
two weeks and I just want to meet right man. I live in Russia
and my goal is to leave this country because it is impossible
to live here for young pretty woman. if you have not wife
or girlfriend ,maybe we could try to meet? I am 25 years
old, I will tell you more about me and send you a picture
when you reply. Please write to me directly to my mail…
Email I am writing from right now is not mine.Make sure
you write to my personal address. See you soon
Diane
Starr
Could
it be true, Diane? Could we at The BEAST be lucky enough
to get our very own white slave? Our very own coerced Russian
temptress? Every night, we can relive our national conquest
over the collapsed Soviet empire, as we Reagan your Gorbachev
urgently to the inspiring sounds of the Star Spangled Banner.
Then it’s back in the basement again, at least until you
learn how to stay put, our little babushka. Die, spammer,
die!
INSULT
TO INJURY
A
bowling alley? Marion, Marion, you screwed up a perfectly
bad joke. How many times have you gone to Footlocker
and asked 'Yo, Dude! You got these soles in blue?"
Indeed, when was the last time you went bowling and said
"Shit, I forget my soles! Now I gotta rent a smelly
pair of theirs .... "
Woulda worked better if Tome Paine and you had been at the
counter at GiGi's, or Hayes Fish Market. Cripes! you coulda
gone international by waiting at the airport to buy tickets
to Korea.
But a bowling alley.
Your critic, Jim
Thanks
for echoing our response, Jim. That really took guts.
2
BLACK, 2 WRONG
YO,
UTH!
Listen
fool. If ya gonna attempt to answer
back to shit a brutha say make sure you unnastan a brutha
first. Ya heard? I didnt' say "muslim" or "Arab"
because I SAID semetic. EVERY flava, the beany wearin ones
and the ones dat wear da tablecloths on they head. The
ones who democratically elect their terrorist assassins
AND the run of the mill freelancers who fuck up your bus
ride or your party at da club. In any case the statement
is NOT true in any meaningful way. The "problem"
of terrorism or the "problem" of black criminality
is essentially a fiction created by oppressors. Whenever
crakkas run amok the resisters ALWAYS get denigrated for
their resistance. One outcome of a crakka invasion is the
collapse of the victims culture and society which has the
unfortunate characteristic of the victims tendency to victimize
themselves. Whenever a crakka, honorary crakka (like yourself)
or crakka wannabe starts talking about the "problems"
of the oppressed they always, sooner or later, bring up
anecdotes like Bennett's. They ALWAYS got stats that they
refer to (that they of course compile), like you did, to
back up what they say and show how what they say IS kinda
true but they NEVER want to really get down with REAL facts
about why shit really happens. Did I clear that up for
ya a little better Uth?
It's
cool you wouldn't take my advice by the way considering
I didn't offer any advice to take or reject. I DO think
though people should question taking seriously columnists
who say "count me out on this one" in the title
to their piece and then waste two pages of ink and paper
on horseshit and drivel.
HOLLABACK
BITCH
EASTSIDE!
Drew
Collins
Uthman
hollas back:
Hey,
that’s really great news, bitch. You see, I thought all
those crimes were real! I’m delighted to find that they’re
all fictional! Or “essentially” fiction. Or resistance.
Hey, whatever, as long as nobody’s getting hurt!
You
really think I don’t get that systematic persecution
and neglect breed crime? All you’re doing to me is what
was done to Bennett – accusing me of racism based on statements
that don’t fit the charge. Whether the problem is terrorism
or crime, how do you fix it? By addressing the problems
that cause it; not by pretending it doesn’t exist.
By
the way, have you tried the horseshit and drivel sundae
at Fridays? As an honorary crakka, I get a dollar fifty
discount.
FRIENDS
LIKE THESE
Dear
Mr Uthman,
The
tension ahead of Pat's legal "smart bombs" is
almost unbearable for true believers. Your "Miller's
Tale" [“Grand
Perjury,” issue 89] is a classic of satire.
It broke the political zietgiest's mesmeric spell delightfully.
Belly laughs and tear's all round chez nous. Now for the
WHIGs. May your quill remain a stiletto.
Jack
Schlink.
We
prefer to think of it as our keyboards being 2x4s. Now try
to relax; we’re sure you’re very intelligent.
EDUMACATION
I
think it's time for The Beast to do an in depth article
on the state of education in Buffalo. I can't believe the
garbage the Buffalo News put on it's cover this morning
regarding how great the Charter Schools are.
Brian
Duffy
We
were thinking of doing that, Brian, but then we realized
none of the kids would be able to read it. Hah! No, seriously,
we’re too stupid to do a good job of it because we grew
up here. Ho! We’re here all week, folks. Try the fish.
DOWN
WITH O.P.P.
Hello,
Me
and my friend are two of the few loyal Beast readers out
in the sterile Buffalo suburb, Orchard Park. Every week
we venture downtown someway, somehow to get a copy
of the Beast. The Beast never ceases to provide us with
more than a few good laughs!! The Harriet
Miers article (and pic) was a classic!! Also, what happend
to "that guy" in the classifieds?!? We try to
spread the word as much as possible out in OP but few understand!!
Anyway - we just wanted to send some props your way for
a GREAT job!! The beast rules!! If the beast ever needs
any interns we would be happy to come down and check
out what goes on behind the scenes!! One of my all
time favorites was in the "sic" section when
some guy ranted about Mary Kunz Goldman and the Why
Guy, and how poeple cite their run ins with the Goo
Goo Dolls when bragging about Buffalo!! We posted Zack
Goldstein's letter to Jessica Alba up in our school
and people loved it!! Keep it up, let us know if you have
any openings, maybe we could file papers, or answer phones....
-Marge
& Sarah
Yes,
ladies, we’re positive we can find appropriate positions
for you two. How does ‘reverse cowgirl’ sound? If you’re
not sure what that means, we’ll be sure and fill you in.
Gee, that was just mean, wasn’t it? We don’t know what our
problem is today. Of course, ladies, just call us and we’ll
arrange a meeting. Dress kinky. Bring doughnuts.
