Buffalo BEAST - Buffalo's New Best Fiend

Nov 2 - Nov16, 2005
Issue #87

  ..Buffalo's Best Fiend
All Day Suckers
Getting fooled again
Allan Uthman

The Undoucheables
Even Fitzgerald can't cleanse media pussies
Paul jones

All Eyes on Greenland
Global Warming continues to warm the globe
Alexander Zaitchik
Scalito's Way
Supreme Court loses its swing
Donnie Dobovich
Nuclear Terror goes Primetime
But who's watching?

Russ Wellen

Why 2K?
Lucky 200th dead soldier wins free autopsy
Jeff Dean

Slaving You More
A brave new world right next to the salsa
N. Sorrenti
An Evening with Malcolm McLaren
We got to hang out with him & you didn't
Paul Fallon

Ask Kim Jong Il
Advice from the world's most colorful super-villain

Judy, Judy, Judy
An interview w/ Judith Einach, Buffalo's best hopeless Mayoral candidate
Vote for Helfer or He'll Kick Your Ass
The Buffalo News' Illogical Endersement

The BEAST Blog
Irresponsible vitriol on a near-daily basis

[sic] - Letters
Wide Right
Bills Football & other sports
Kino Korner: Movies
Michael Gildea
Page 3
Separated at Birth?
 Cover Page

Idiot Box
Perry Bible Fellowship
Bob the Angry Flower

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Why 2K?
Lucky 2,000th dead soldier wins free autopsy, personalized marble plaque
Jeff Dean

Giddy eyes of all political persuasions have been trained on Iraq, waiting for the 2,000th soldier to buy the farm. Republicans have waited with nervous anticipation of having to downplay the massacre, again, while Democrats have been like kids waiting for Santa Claus, eager to throw it in the faces of the hawks. Well, it finally happened. But no sense resting on our laurels – onward to 3k!

Army Staff Sgt. George Alexander Jr. died in a Texas hospital of wounds received in Iraq. Not much was immediately known about Alexander, except that he skillfully beat out 1,999 other contestants to reach the magic number.

But what’s in a number? Not much, according to Army spokesweasel Lt. Col. Steven A. Boylen, who weenied out of confronting feedback by dispatching an e-mail announcing Boylen’s death to the media. Boylen referred to 2,000 as “an artificial mark on the wall set by individuals with specific agendas and ulterior motives.” No, Steve, it’s a real mark. In fact, it’s two thirds of the number of people killed on September 11, 2001, and we sure were pissed about that, weren’t we? As far as the ulterior motives, he’s probably right: most people paying attention to the body count have the ulterior motive of stopping the damn war.

For his part, President Bush acknowledged the milestone in typical braindead fashion, saying “[T]he best way to honor the sacrifice of our fallen troops is to complete the mission and lay the foundation for peace by spreading freedom.” He presumably then retired to the Oval Office where Karl Rove helped him realize that Sgt. George Alexander was not the chubby doofus on “Seinfeld.”

On the topic of sacrifice, few understand the word more than the families of military personnel. You might think Bush would be a little more sensitive to these families as the war gets darker, but no. In a speech before a gathering of military spouses at Bolling Air Force Base in Washington, D.C., Bush said “This war will require more sacrifice...No one should underestimate the difficulties ahead.” Yes, difficulties ahead like rebuilding, ethnic and tribal fighting, a lack of precedent for democracy in the Middle East, lack of an exit strategy, loss of international respect, things like that. If only he’d heard his own speech three years ago.

But one almost feels pity for the man, who really seems to believe the crap dripping from his lips every day. He recently referred to Iraq as the central front in the global war on terrorism. At one time, when he’d say things like that, he’d give a little wink and draw up his crooked little smile and it sounded like he was trying to brainwash the public. Now it sounds like he really believes it’s true, as if car bombs were going off all the time before the invasion, that we weren’t the ones who destroyed the infrastructure as we rolled into Dodge. And though he speaks well of the dead (well, the American dead...are there any other kind?), he seems to forget the maimed. Over 14,000 soldiers have been injured, and an estimated 7,000 are now permanently disabled.

The 2,000th death comes at a rough time for the White House, what with the CIA leak investigation, the Libby indictment and resignation, disastrously low approval ratings and a bipartisan backlash over his nomination of Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court, which sent her running to the hills. Yes, a bad, bad week indeed, for our president. Horrible. Miserable, dark, god-awful week. Almost as bad as the week had by Staff Sgt. George Alexander Jr.’s family and the families of the 1,999 kids that died for a lie before him.

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