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 Interview
With a Charred Corpse
BEAST:
Thanks for taking the time to sit down and answer some of
our questions this morning.
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Ha! Oh that’s classic, nice to see you still have a sense
of humor after all of this. From what we understand, you
were incinerated in the 2004 assault on the city of Fallujah;
can you tell us what that was like?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Fascinating. Tell us, did it hurt as much as it looks like
it may have?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
We hate to correct you; after all, you were there, but according
to a June 2005 article in the British newspaper The Independent,
the US military didn’t drop Napalm, but rather incendiary
bombs containing the substance MK77, right?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Well excuse us for ‘splitting hairs’ sir or madam, but as
you may or may not know, Napalm is an internationally reviled
substance that was outlawed after Vietnam, and MK77 is quiet
different, wouldn’t you agree?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Yes, we have read those same government documents that refer
to MK77 as Napalm, and correct us if we are wrong, but doesn’t
MK77 have a lower concentration of benzene, making it slightly
less prone to cling to flesh?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Fair point. Burning jet fuel is burning jet fuel,
and you are pretty fucked up and dead and stuff.
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
But what were you doing in Fallujah, anyway? I mean, weren’t
you really asking for it?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Yeah, well I lived in Michigan once, but then I left.
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
No, Ann Arbor…I think I’d rather take my chances with the
MK77 in Fallujah than live in Detroit.
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
It was okay – good music scene, but the people were pretty
lame. Anyway, how are the 72 virgins working out? Are they
hot? We bet they ain’t virgins no more! Are we right or
are we right, or are we right?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Oh you were an atheist – bummer. Hey, how many hot
virgins do you know anyway? Any future projects coming through
the pipeline?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Watch out; we’ve heard working with Anne Bancroft can be
like being doused with an incendiary mixture of benzene,
gasoline and polystyrene.
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Zing! Of course you do. And that’ll be coming out next fall?
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Great. Thanks again and best of luck.
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Sorry, we’ll have to get to that next time.
Charred
Corpse # 0198-04-F-04:
BEAST:
Seriously, that’s all the time we have. |
DICK
