Al Jazeera Cancelled
Allan Uthman

It sounds like a hilarious scene from a mismatched-buddies comedy:
“How ‘bout them Al Jazeera folks? Showing all those dead kids. I don’t like it!”
“Quite. Alas, nothing can be done.”
“Hell it can’t! Let’s blow ‘em up!”


The Shit List
by Ian Murphy

14 Things I Hate Right Now.


Mujahideen Data Form
A taste of terrorist bureaucracy as envisioned by AG Gonzales.


Robert Fisk's Great War for Civilisation
Book review
by John Freeman



The BEAST answers your letters


Idiot Box

Perry Bible Fellowship

What a DIfference Embedding Makes
Stan Goff

The St. Louis Post Dispatch's Ron Harris does his part to protect his buddies.


ElimiDate Among the Mammals

Our simian scribe tries internet dating


20 Funniest Things About Kelly Holcomb's Concussion
by N. Sorrenti
16.) When Kelly Holcomb tries to enter his PIN at the ATM, he will inadvertently enter a twenty-year-old code from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, and his money will be transferred into the account of someone named Soda Popinski.


Interview with the Gun that Shot JFK

A BEAST interviewer recently sat down with Manny, the Mannlicher-Carcano rifle Lee Harvey Oswald used to assassinate President John F. Kennedy in Dallas on November 22, 1963.


Kino Korner
by Michael Gildea

Ice Harvest, Rent, Walk the Line and more


Marty Cusack mouths off & Bob McCarthy ressurects Giambra

Magical Realism
Russ Wellen
A 9/11 Survivor thinks he saw sleight of hand at work in the WTC disaster.


Great Moments in 'New Europe' History
Poland squeals about Warsaw Pact attack map--in 2005!
Alexander Zaitchik


Alito Once Had Abortion, Records Show
Josh Righter

Documents from over twenty years ago reveal that Supreme Court Justice Nominee Samuel Alito (SCJNSA) once had an abortion (OHAA), making Democrats, Republicans, and Whigs all reconsider their views on the man/woman.


Worst Episode Ever
by Ronnie Roscoe

The future of this team is rapidly deteriorating. Only one man can be blamed for the miserable state of affairs at One Bills Drive: president and GM, “Teflon” Tom Donahoe.


That ’s My X-Box and I ’ll Gouge Your Fucking Eyes Out to Get it

A BEAST Reader Opinion


Sagittarius, I was watching Paycheck on cable the other day and it occurred to me: Ben Affleck has no idea what it’s like to be shot at. Which is a shame, really, when you think about it.







Entire Issue