Programming Bombs in Baghdad
a Difference Embedding Makes
Massey, Ron Harris and Ambush Journalism
simian scribe tries internet dating
survivor detects sleight of hand
Moments in 'New Europe' History
squeals about Warsaw Pact attack map--in 2005!
Things I Hate Right Now
seen by AG Gonzales
That's my X-Box & I'll Gouge
Your Fucking Eyes Out to Get it
with the Gun that Shot JFK
20 FUNNIEST THINGS about Kelly Holcomb's Concussion
by N. Sorrenti
Once Had Abortion, Records Show
Fisk's Great War for Civilisation
review by John Freeman
Cusack mouths off & Bob McCarthy ressurects Giambra
Ice Harvest, Rent, Walk the
Line and more!
must be destroyed
BEAST PAGE 3
Old Piece of Shit
The BEAST answers your letters
a diligent Jihadist:
Fill out your paperwork
write to you today regarding a matter of great importance
to our cause against the Infidel. The case of Jose Padilla,
the American terror suspect just last week charged with
crimes after being held for two years without indictment,
is significant to us, brothers in the fight against the
Great Satan, for many reasons. Like all of you I’m sure,
I have no idea who this guy is or what he’s supposed to
have done on our behalf. Hey, I guess that means I could
be the American Attorney General. Seriously, though, I don’t
care and you shouldn’t either.
thing is what we’ve all learned over the past few years:
whatever the Americans come up with, we can use to our advantage.
Terror alerts, Abu Ghraib, the Iraq-al Qaeda connection.
Obviously, we all prefer if it’s a fabrication, because
it’s easier to distort. More important, it costs us nothing
and, say what you will, we’re cheap bastards. But it’s worked,
you can’t argue with that.
died for us, like, five times in ten years. I love that
guy! And if anyone knows the real story about Abu Musab
al-Zarqawi—if he’s real, who the hell he is or why that
matters—for Allah’s sake, keep it to yourself!
The point is,
this Padilla case is useful in many ways. I think I speak
for us all when I say I hope they fry him.
worth observing for another reason. This Alberto Gonzales
claims one piece of evidence they have against Padilla is
a “Mujahideen Data Form” he filled out, so he could train
over here. I’m not kidding, that’s a quote right from the
New York Times:
Among the overt
acts that the government says demonstrate [Padilla’s] participation
in the conspiracy is his 1996 application for a passport.
The other defendants are overheard in the apparent wiretaps
saying Mr. Padilla would be getting money, had traveled
to Egypt and Afghanistan and had considered visiting Yemen.
He also “filled out a ‘mujahideen data form’ in preparation
for violent jihad training in Afghanistan,” the indictment
Form.” You have to hand it to the US leaders: sometimes,
they’re crazy in a way that’s not so different from us.
I know we’re trying to destroy them, but when I hear wacky
propaganda like this, I sometimes feel like maybe we’re
not so far apart. Don’t get me wrong—I still want them dead.
It’s just that, for all their money and power, they’re still
just a handful of guys huddled together in a room somewhere,
making shit up as they go along, just like us. You’ve got
to admire their creativity.
Okay, so I thought
it would be a good idea to draw up this “data form,” along
with a fake letter, and distribute it in the villages. They’re
really going to fly, I think. Imagine it: millions of Americans
imagining not just a global terror network, but one big
enough to sustain a massive terrorist bureaucracy. Brian
Williams will probably do a special on it!
get these things out there on the double!