• I likea this guy, Alito, ah. He makea the Italians looka good. He’sa go to Yale—that’sa the Ivya League!
  • Utsamattafayou?! The Ivya League, she’s no likea the Italians. Alito, he’sa Italian likea the Olive Garden—or likea you ravioli.
  • You justa jealous, ah? Alito, he’sa respecta for the famiglia, ah? The sanctity ofa life, ah?
  • Respecta for the famiglia?! Ifa he’s electa to the Suprema Court, a woman, she’sa suck outta the baby witha what? Plumba’sa helpa! That’sa for the doctor, ah!
  • I don’ta likea the judiciala acativism, ah. Alito he’sa follow the constitution, nota cut it uppa likea the pizza.
  • You wanna talka judiciala acativism? What abouta the Scalia, ah? He no likea the congress! He anda Alito, they shoota more holes ina the constitution thana Luckya Luciano!
  • I thinka you been eata too many musharoom or breaka too many bricksa witha you head, ah? Alito, he gonna follow the law, nota hisa personala beliefs. That’sa what he said.
  • That’sa nota whata he saysa when he wanta the job lasta time. What makesa you think he tella the truth now, ah?
  • Diannea Feinastein, she’sa believe in him. Besides, he alsoa said he believes ina stronga nationala defense anda good policea force.
  • This guy, he remindsa me ofa Il Duce! There’sa gonna be Koopa Troopas goosea-steppin’ downa the streets! You wait.
  • Stilla, I don’ta care for thisa namea “Scalito.” It’sa racist, making the fun ofa his anda Scalia’s backaround.
  • Issa reference to hisa judicial philosphia! And I don’ta think you anda me gonna getta no inavitation to no Italian American Founadationa dinner anyatimea soona eitha.
  • That’sa for sure, ah!? Hey, dida I forgetta to mention: Alito, he’sa no likea the blacks anda the Latinos.
  • Eh, why don’ta you saysa that ina the firsta place! I guessa he’sa real paesano after all!

The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2005
Our disturbingly popular annual list of the foulest among us, for a particularly objectionable year.
The Year in Ephemera
Our 2005 Timeline.
Andrew Gullerstein Predicts!
Iron-clad predictions for the new year.
What's Going On
You just don't know, do you?
by A. Monkey
Buh-buh-buh-bye, Sharon-a
What you won't be hearing this week about Ariel Sharon
by Paul Jones
Mine Shaft
Undermining mine safety
by Kit Smith

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