the dawn of man, deep, resonating questions have plagued his
mind: What is the meaning of life? Is there a higher power? What
is man’s place in the universe? Is there an afterlife? Who let the
dogs out? Who? Who? Who?
man, for all his Tony Robbins Personal PowerTM seminars,
books, tapes and various twelve step programs, appears no closer
to understanding these cosmic riddles than an Egyptian goatherd,
circa 2000 BC, who believed the sky was a cow goddess, eating the
sun every dusk, and giving birth to it every dawn. The point being:
far too many people still believe in equally crazy shit.
will tell you religion (rough etymology – re linking) no
longer links us back to anything; no unmoved mover, no creator,
no creamy nougat center. It does however, link us to our own biological
past, our primitive hardwiring, our kill-or-be-killed instincts,
our clan versus clan animus. A good portion of the world population
and this country are running on out-of-date mythological software.
Linux, Windows 1400XP, Wahabbism, Santa Claus: ideas too are comprised
of atoms. And so are bombs. Both are dangerous, especially when
has always been about resources: fertile land, water, salt, gold,
cotton, petroleum, stuffed crust pizza. “We deserve it and they
don’t.” Aircraft carriers have replaced frigates, and entire civilizations
localized clans, yet people shy away from saying “clash of civilizations.”
Seems too dire, a position for zealots even, but true nonetheless.
Mind you I’m not strictly speaking East v. West, but also rational
v. irrational. Fanatical rationalists en garde!
ideas of chosen people and jealous gods have justified atrocities
and plundering from the ancient Aztecs straight through to the similarly
antiquated mindset of the American religious right. The Crusades,
the Spanish Inquisition, Slavery, the Holocaust—all the classics.
Religion has been there every bloody step of the way, linking us
back to the murderous savages we are. We only think we are more
civilized because we partake in ritualized, rather than actual,
cannibalism. Ask a devout Catholic about the tasteless wafer they
consume weekly (made in a poorly lit Mexican factory) and they will
tell you they are eating god. Same dance, different tune. Deep-seated,
biologically rooted memes are a hard habit to break. Ape crack.
on the moderate left like to remind us from time to time—like when
fundamentalists wig out, commit arson and act like all around genocidal
assholes—that these perpetrators are extremists, perverts of an
otherwise moderate dogma. “These people are wackos, they don’t represent
our faith,” apologists apologize. Bullshit.
true believers are the ones willing to smash planes into buildings,
hack people to pieces and bomb OBGYNs based on morality gleaned
from sacred texts. God’s children, doin’ the best they know
are real religious people, the ones who will get all the virgins
and ride shotgun in Jesus’ sweet rapture mobile. What could be better
than an eternity of tight pussy or snaggin’ a ride in the Son of
Man’s tricked-out, flying Prius?
truly faithful, the freaks, the believers are in it for the payout.
All the others are Christian, Muslim and Jew in name only, they
are the perversion; they are the ones who don’t understand their
own faith. Probably people like your aunt, who calls herself a Christian,
but gets squeamish over killing fags. You should either follow the
bible to the letter or not. No more of this poetic license crap:
burn down an embassy, or get off the pot. Take it or leave it. That’s
why I liked the Taliban so. Religion is fucking crazy and those
dudes were the craziest cats around.
divinely guided, who will kill you, or at least wish you dead, because
you belong to a different book club – this is what religion is.
became hysterical over the James Frey deceit: Can you imagine what
would happen if Oprah took on the Bible or the Koran? Surely the
apocalypse (rough etymology – enlightenment) would be nigh.
But don’t let your preacher or mullah know that little tidbit, because
it smacks of book learnin’ – and not the good book either. Eating
from the tree of knowledge has its consequence: Expulsion from ignorance.
we need now are anti-preachers, anti-faith based initiatives, anti-Mohammeds
and antichrists. We can no longer stand idly by, watching the retarded
children pummel each other with stones and missiles. It is time
for an apocalypse. Religion is a vile meme, its protracted end being
dominion over the “other”: man over woman, tribe over tribe, “our
god can beat up your god.” It will be hard to quash in the face
of baseless afterlife promises and punishments, that some hold so
dear. Maybe we could give the believers raisins, cookies and a universal
healthcare system as substitute. Or maybe, just maybe - we should
give them all a free one-way ticket to the heaven of their choice.
Hey – it’s an idea!
time to turn “Godless” from an epithet to a compliment. Every day,
decent, reasonable secular folk withstand a barrage of damnation
from less intelligent people. But for some reason, we are expected
to humor them and their simpering expectations of deference. Fuck
that. Religion is a mental disorder, obscuring reality and clouding
thought, and we are the cure. Now is no time to back down.
issue of The BEAST—especially this issue—is not for the religious,
unless they’re ready to admit they’re taking part in an enormous
charade, or at least ready to laugh about it.