a publication’s loathsomeness can be gauged by
subtracting its quality from its profitability, the Buffalo
News is quite possibly the most loathsome paper in the world.
The paper’s unbridled malevolence toward the people of
Western New York, however, escapes the notice of many by its
clever and dedicated utilization of utter banality. But the
News has a problem: their staff is replete with shitty writers,
unable to consistently deliver truly skillful bullshit, the
kind you can find in Time magazine, for instance. Cracks can
be found in this adherence to blandness, gaps which expose the
Buffalo News for what it truly is, a public relations firm dedicated
to advancing the goals of a corrupt oligarchy of bankers, developers
and politicians gorging at the public troth. As Buffalo’s
condition grows more desperate and the News strains further
to distract us from the vampires draining our necks, we believe
these gaps are widening.
warms our hearts when we recognize the effect spreading to the
News’ editorial pages. It seems as if reviled News journalistic
charity case Mary Kunz Goldman herself might have penned last
Sunday’s appalling solicitation for our local sleazy Tom
Delay crony Tom Reynolds. The editorial, amusingly titled “More
Help from Reynolds,” began with this profoundly dumb imagery:
“Buffalo Niagara is approaching a fork in the road, with
one fork leading to increased success and the other circling
back to repeat an unproductive recent past.” That’s
one forked up metaphor.
being an obvious fantasy and an unintentionally surreal attempt
at a shopworn cliché, this “road less traveled”
crap is a tactic every miserable conman uses to keep his mark
snowed. “Forget the past, the future is ours; just trust
me this one last time and things will work out all right.”
The News assumes its readers’ trust, despite abusing that
trust whenever it suits their elitist agenda. Trust us, they
say, while Reynolds’ associates are collapsing around
him, Tom Reynolds is a good guy and he’ll come through
for us. Forget the fact that he embodies everything wrong with
the Republican leadership—its war in Iraq, impending attack
on Iran, outsourcing of the local economy, the corruption of
Congress embodied by Tom Delay and Jack Abramoff, tax cuts for
the rich, etc.
pitch for, and by extension to, Reynolds is for the same handouts
to their banker and developer pals that have ravaged this region
for the last twenty years. The editorial was a simplistic appeal
for the corrupt Congressional porker Reynolds to make sure he
shares his corrupt Congressional booty with the local pigs the
News favors. They mention the new Federal Courthouse three times,
along with the waterfront and Bass Pro, devoting a total of
one sentence to the actual people that inhabit this region.
After a litany of desired handouts for business, they add, “Not
to mention the perennial chant of jobs, jobs, jobs.” Yeah,
not to mention because they rarely do. It’s not part of
the agenda. You think that a Courthouse is going to create jobs?
Yeah, two kinds of jobs, prisoner and prison guard.
level, the editorial was little more than a shameless call for
the Reynolds to pad the News’ bank account. The message
to Reynolds was the tacit threat that if he wants their endorsement
again, he’ll have to work for it. After all, the mighty
K Street Congressman might be in a tough race if challenger
Jack Davis’ second shot at Reynolds can gain any traction
in the local media. Politicians abhor a fair fight, and good
old boy Tom doesn’t want that to happen. He wants to make
sure any attention Davis gets will be the advertising he has
to buy from the News.
makes a correct observation at the end of the piece, that Reynolds’
district is an abomination that they call “tortured and
carved…to maximize his Republican supporters,” as
if this just happened in a vacuum. The idea that the News was
not complicit in this gerrymandering outrage is just another
convenient historical rewrite. The News is never to blame. They
were cheerleaders for NAFTA which took our jobs, they were cheerleaders
for Giambra who bankrupted the county, they were cheerleaders
for Adelphia who raided the public trust, and they were cheerleaders
for a pointless war that killed and maimed out soldiers. The
News is a shameless shill for the powerful, a tool of exploitation.
the News, or indeed any mainstream conglomerate-owned media
outlet, is a concept that by now should be obsolete. It only
works because we want to deny the truth. It is the same appeal
that every abusive spouse gives to his broken and bleeding victim
when trying to get more from the destroyed relationship. When
the despicable bastard comes crawling back after yet another
whipping there is only one rational response. This time will
not be different. It is not ever going to get any different.
The relationship needs to be over. –PF