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SO BO NO MO? Hey freaks, Bye, Kevin, ASTHMATIC PROSE The Beast is Great Stuff .... expresses my thoughts , beliefs and opinions much better than I ever could....Good on you....keep it coming...... Russ Pearson Russ, Dear Lord Beastingtons, Ok. So you said it…and we are waiting, Russ. A deal is a deal. Chop chop! We grow tired of your hollow praise. Jeez, doesn’t anyone hate us any more? JESUS DIED FOR OUR [SIC] [Addressed to the Department of Justice’s Inspector General, the White House, the Catholic Diocese of Buffalo, the Catholic News and various Buffalo News addresses.] Sir, Issue #97 April 12 - April 26, 2006 of "The Beast", a newspaper published by Paul J. Fallon, 712 Main St.., Buffalo, NY 14202 was brought to my attention by my son Bill who picked it up on a local bus. Bill said he was offended by the cover of this newspaper which depicted Christ crucified with blood flowing from the wound in his side with President Bush's face substituted for that of Christ and bearing the caption "Bush Nailed in CIA Leak Case". I too was offended and believe that this act of symbolic defilement is an act of hate against my religion, Roman Catholicism, and against me. I immediately felt the urge to retaliate against this grave insult and ask that you undertake to investigate the issue in question and lay the appropriate charge against Mr. Fallon so that he may be proscribed from further acts of hatred against me and my faith. John Joyce John, MANDIBULAR SINGULARITY BEAST; Affectionately, Red, ILLEGIBLE SI! we should make this piece required reading for gringoes here just to retain their damn citizenship [“Don’t Feed the Immigrants,” issue #96]. we are such assholes-first we champion NAFTA, which has SO deteriorated the economies of mexico and central america that their citizens are forced to emigrate to survive, then we screech about how they're breaking the law by coming. a cursory glance at france recently oughta show us how destructive and plain stupid it is to isolate and demonize a portion of your people. i participated in the immigrant's march here in houston, texas, and it was a blast.(i sorta stood out, being a skinny, middle aged guera. my banner read:" educating and employing immigrants has made our country successful since 1776. why stop now?") thanks so much for your kickass writing. hope sanford So basically, Hope, nobody could read your sign, is what you’re saying. 50 MOST DOO DEE DOO Greetings, I love whomever wrote "50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2005". Can't thank you enough for that. I feel SO much better now after reading that piece. It was insightful, thoughtful, and entertaining. What more can one ask from a writer? Oh yeah, and it's FREE. Only in America. Keep up the good work, blah blah blah, etc. Warmest Regards, Lew, LIVES TO PROMOTE Dear Beast: Thanks for the expose on the Post; I read the post on-line, or at least check the headlines, but I missed that. I'm going to send them a letter to editor...I picked up your piece @Buzzfflash.com where I get a whole lot better and true info. Thanks again, Bill, SUPPORT MY POOP Anyone here read the March 30th Artvoice? In the letter's page is a letter from Sergeant Major Larry Smith, Retired, responding to an atricle about how one of the Buffalo schools enlisted all their students in the JROTC. Some of the details of the article may have been flavored to put the JROTC in an unfavorable light, but that's not the point of this topic. My point is his very last paragraph, and I quote: "On another note, I spent 26 years of my life defending the very freedom you take for granted when you publish this kind of message. We serve our country so that people like you don't have to." You hear this kind of thing alot, and I'd like to respond. Bullshit. I didn't ask you to go to some other country and kill people for my freedom, the fascists in Washington did. I get no benefit from what you're doing, whether its in Afghanistan or Iraq, Grenada, Somolia, Bosnia, Vietnam or wherever you want to justify this peculiar brand of American freedom. Where were you when Der Furher was taking away my rights with his U.S.A. P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act? (Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism) I don't care if you're doing great thing by building schools and hospitals, if the people in those countries wanted freedom and liberation, they could have stood up like we did and done it themselves. It's not, no matter what brush you paint it with, exporting democracy, it's imperialism. Democracy is of the people, by the people, for the people. And like in Vietnam, the actual people who should be fighting are going to let us soak up all the bullets they can. Der Furher wants to listen to your phone calls, torture people, suspend haebeus corpus and wants to pretend its for your benefit. Once again, we are exporting fascism, not democracy. They're spending money that we don't have, for things we don't need. If we weren't propping up dictatorships and putting troops in other people's holy lands, we wouldn't have as many terrorists. If we exported democracy by example, obeying our own laws as we interact with others, maybe we'd be getting somewhere. What we have now is all bullshit. And that sounds too much like propoganda. Face it, you're a goverment employee with a hazardous job description. Spider Jerusalem Spider, Sorry man, but you took a perfectly good point about how blowing up remote nations does little to protect us, and then fucked it all up by implying that Iraqis were just too lazy to overthrow their government, "like we did." What role exactly did you play in the revolutionary war, Spider? Just wondering.
Allan: Pete Reese Dear
Pete, MORE BOOTLICKING Dear Beast, Earlier this morning, I was introduced to you by a co-worker of mine. From that moment, not one bit of work was done by me- I was too busy delighting my eyes and brain with your amazing magazine. Everything about it made me laugh nearly to the point of absolute hysterics. Be assured that as soon as my bank account will let me, I will be subscribing to your magazine, as I feel that God may strike me dead if I defy him and don't become a regular reader of your magnificent publication. I have one important question: are you guys taking applications? If not, may I put one in anyways? The Beast is the exact thing that I've been looking to do with myself, and think we'd be beneficial to each other (like if we were to go out to a bar and some chick was like "Hey Beast, you are one sexy...umm...beast. I want to go home with you but I have this ugly friend here who needs to find someone." Since I'd owe you a minimum of one HUGE favor, I'd step in and be the wingman, ensuring that you'd get all the ass you deserve and more). Anyways Beast, even if you don't want to give me a shot, thank you for your amazing magazine that I will still be subscribing to regardless. If Bush wasn't shit, I bet he'd give you a Presidential commendation, not that you'd really want to take it. Plus, he'd probably be simultaneously giving awards to the Scooby Doo and Mighty Mouse for their valiant efforts to defeat the terrorists that are hiding under our beds and in our closets. Sincerely, Dear
Justin, IT NEVER ENDS Love the 50 worst people thing. Especially the bit about Thomas Friedman. Couple quibbles, though; you actually left out the most objectionable of all Jesse Jackson's missteps last year: he actually joined the campaign to keep Teri Schaivo 'alive.' Arguably Jesse is the worst of the lot, because we have no reason to expect anything from idiots like Judith Miller and human slime like Karl Rove, but Jesse Jackson really squandered his potential. Also, I don't get the animus against McNabb. It seems to me he played his heart out as long as he could last year. But, whatev, you must be one of those insane Philadelphia sports fan. The only sporting institution I have any use for in Philly is the one with the fillies, Philadelphia Park. Hit the early Daily Double today. Ted Kane Dear Ted, |
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