Timestamped reviews of Oscar-nominated films—we’re doing all 10 nominated for Best Picture? Make it stop!
First 9 Minutes: An old lesbian’s voice-over about how Dick Cheney shot her father in a hunting “accident” and then stole his horse, and how, as a little girl, she set about avenging him…which spoils the entire movie. The flashback begins: The young lesbian haggles over the price of her father’s coffin, and belittles her grown, male slave, setting the racist tone of the film. She stumbles upon a public hanging; some douche whines about dying; another guy is just like, “Whatever. Fuck you;” and they don’t let the Indian talk. The little lesbo talks to the sheriff about where to procure an unabridged thesaurus and legal dictionary to help track down Cheney. She then sleeps in a coffin because the Super 8 has bed bugs. Read More