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About: Murphy

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Posts by Murphy:


The Beasties: True Grit

February 17th, 2011 by

Timestamped reviews of Oscar-nominated films—we’re doing all 10 nominated for Best Picture? Make it stop!
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true-grit

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First 9 Minutes: An old lesbian’s voice-over about how Dick Cheney shot her father in a hunting “accident” and then stole his horse, and how, as a little girl, she set about avenging him…which spoils the entire movie. The flashback begins: The young lesbian haggles over the price of her father’s coffin, and belittles her grown, male slave, setting the racist tone of the film. She stumbles upon a public hanging; some douche whines about dying; another guy is just like, “Whatever. Fuck you;” and they don’t let the Indian talk. The little lesbo talks to the sheriff about where to procure an unabridged thesaurus and legal dictionary to help track down Cheney. She then sleeps in a coffin because the Super 8 has bed bugs. Read More

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KOCH KILLS

February 14th, 2011 by

Billionaire Bashing in Rancho Mirage, CA

by Mike Roddy

sfdsfsdfdsf

We came dressed for battle at Rancho Las Palmas Hotel. Gail Zawacki and I had matching tuxedo shirts, top hats, ghoul masks, and the best sign ever: KOCH KILLS, on an eight by two foot banner, painted in dripping red by Gail. We’d been planning it for weeks, and came from New Jersey and Seattle, respectively, for this important event.
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And we’re not talking about whatever the gathering inside the hotel met for—no mystery there: “How can we evade paying taxes? When can we destroy Social Security? Those pesky pollution and climate change rules are cutting into our bottom lines; who should we bribe?” Read More

3 Comments

The Amazing Lunch

February 11th, 2011 by

James Randi bets $1 million against homeopathy, buys me a sandwich

“I like to think they keep a Filipino virgin locked up in the back who makes the rice pudding.”
- James Randi

I met up with legendary magician, skeptic, prolific debunker of nonsense, and founder of the James Randi Educational Foundation last Friday in Ft. Lauderdale, FL to shoot the below video challenge to manufacturers and retailers of homeopathic “remedies”: Read More

16 Comments

BEAST UNDER ATTACK!

January 24th, 2011 by

Horrid gossip hag pens sinister hit piece on BEAST editor


After four sleepless days, I finally finish and post the Loathsome List, then snort some hillbilly heroin, smoke a roach and slip into a 30-hour coma. I wake up to find that the list is wildly popular, and that I’ve received an email from one Betsy Rothstein—the editor of some insipid Beltway gossip blog called Fishballs DC. She wants to talk to me. Naturally.
Read More

28 Comments

[sic]

January 24th, 2011 by

Loathsome emails and Tweets from our adoring fans

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Email 0, Twitter 1

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Damon Lindelof

DamonLindelof Damon Lindelof

Bad news: I’m 33rd on the “50 Most Loathsome Americans of 2010″ list. Good news: Mel Gibson is 32nd. Whew. http://bit.ly/gcRESZ

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Dear Mr. Lindelof,

You have to understand that the “50 Most Loathsome Americans of 2010” was really written in an alternate universe…by a ghost…of a polar bear…in a fake beard…with six-years of perpetual five o’clock shadow…and incongruous philosophy references…and then heaven or something. So, really, it’s an honor—if you get it. And we think you do.

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…. Read More

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The 50 Most Loathsome Americans of 2010

January 19th, 2011 by

paula-deen50) Paula Deen
Charges: The A.Q. Khan of the culinary world, her secret recipes are demonstrably more dangerous to America than a nuclear armed North Korea. When not delighting delusional hicks on “Huckabee,” she’s cooking up coronary-clogging treats like the “Luther”—a bacon-topped cheeseburger served between two glazed donuts—whose purported inventor Luther Vandross suffered from diabetes and died of a massive heart explosion. Make no mistake, this insane, evangelical pumpkin-face is trying to send you into the arms of Jesus.
Aggravating factor: “I’m gonna start with my normal ingredient, y’all: one stick of butter.”
Sentence: Steamed and served over a healthy bed of greens. Read More

374 Comments

DO NOT WANT

January 13th, 2011 by

John Stossel and the moustache of doom
(an open letter to skeptics)

Dear Respected Skeptics,
Please, stop talking to John Stossel. He will conflate your legitimate skepticism of deities, ghosts and Power Balance bracelets with free market sycophancy and climate change denial. This is his repugnant MO.

His latest victims are Michael Shermer and James Randi. For forty-three minutes of a forty-four minute episode of “Stossel,” they talk commonsense disbelief in God, psychics, horoscopes and ridiculous athletic-enhancing holograms. Read More

50 Comments

BEAST Page 3 Dead red-winged blackbird

January 5th, 2011 by

bird

Name: Anfernee

Turn-ons: Seeds, dragonflies, sexual dimorphism, “Dexter”–anything with John Lithgow really…besides “3rd Rock From the Sun,” Chex Mix, shitting on statues, long and meaningful conversations about the interconnected nature of biological life on earth, parking lot french fries, Monty Python and sizzurp–don’t judge me.

Turn-offs: Lightning, hail, power lines, fireworks, Dick Cheney, inappropriate Hitchcock references, ABC’s “Flash Forward” and the terms “aflockalypse,” “flockocide” and “flockocaust.” And Seagalls. Read More

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BEAST HERO of the WEAK

December 16th, 2010 by

Florida School Board Shooting Edition

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No, we’re not talking about the Purse Lady. She’s an embarrassment. Her actions were both profoundly irresponsible and ineffective. She starts out good, hitting Clay Duke’s gun arm with her purse, but when it doesn’t work she immediately starts crying and falls to the ground in a pathetic heap. Sad, really. Read More

4 Comments


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