Name: Pancho Villalqaeda (aka The Brown Menace)
Turn-ons: Taking your job, not giving back to society, the 14th Amendment, giving Lou Dobbs leprosy, committing hit-and-runs in my El Camino, the Home Depot parking lot, ruining the sanctity of your marriage, confusing social issues and flan.
Turn-offs: Jan Brewer, Lindsey Graham, object permanence, white people in general, the rule of law, morality, decency, diaper rash, the American dream, a solid work ethic and white people. And their families. And their values. And anything they hold dear.
How I got to be The BEAST Page 3 Anchor Baby: In a cunning attempt to game the system, my mother, she cross the border and drop me in the desert. I stay there for three weeks, drinking cactus milk. Then I grow mustache and steal job writing for la bestia.
Future Plans: To join al Qaeda’s first “ciesta cell.”
How I’d Like to be Remembered: As the infant who destroys America.