Some of us are nervously awaiting whether or not Obama will veto the National Defense Authorization Act, S.1867, the bill that turns the U.S. into a battlefield, where American citizens can be detained, tortured, and executed without trial. Some of us are confused about what S.1867 means. And many more of us are busy being vaguely threatened by Chaz Bono. Read More
Thanks to the hyper-vigilant folks over at Fox News, we can now add The Muppets to the long list of children’s characters, like Sponge Bob, Grover from Sesame Street, and the Teletubbies, who’re subverting the minds of our nation’s youth. At least someone cares about the children. But did you know that most, if not all, children’s characters are super-communists? They are! Read More
SYRACUSE, NY — The National Collegiate Athletic Association met this weekend in New York to give college sports faculty and coaches a chance to coordinate, strategize, and molest young boys. But during a session on Saturday, one question kept coming up: How can they do a better job of talking to the public about how they routinely molest young boys?
The BEAST sat in on the session, and counted 10 do’s and don’ts from Luntz covering how college sports should fight back. Read More
It took 1,200 police to clear a roughly equal amount of Occupy LA protesters the other night. (One of those arrested was BEAST literary critic Michael Caigoy.) Occupy Philly was also shut down. More than 400 people were arrested in total. And the journalists who weren’t arrested weren’t allowed to stay, for fake reasons. Read More
Dear Teabaggers & Toothless Militiamen,
I know we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye — you with your respectively backward, anti-scientific, overtly religious, and paranoid libertarian New World Order/Montana-wood-ethos siege mentality, and me with my devastatingly liberal good looks, impeccable wit, and cool capacity to reason, but we need to talk. Read More
Murphy talks to Culture Editor of the Madison-based Progressive magazine Elizabeth DiNovella (@lizdinovella) about Wisconsin stuff, the Walker recall effort, the Koch bros, and whether or not OWS protesters should chuck rocks at police.
It’s tempting to think that the latest “lone-wolf” baddie, nabbed in the nick of time by the NYPD, is just the latest product of The Fear Factory. It’s also easy to take Mayor Bloomberg’s and Police Commissioner Ray Kelly’s moronic “Look, we made a bomb blew up a car!” video as public relations cover, for cracking down on OWS and spying on Muslims for the last decade. But that’s wildly cynical. Read More
*** YES, THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED! ***
A FEW MONTHS AGO, some anonymous BEAST reader forwarded me an email exchange he’d had with former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. He came across the presidential hopeful’s address buried deep in the Sarah Palin email dump and, inspired by my Walker jape, he decided to pose as Donald Trump and propose the two team up on a third-party ticket. Newt was surprisingly receptive, and passed along his cell number, so they could hammer out the details. Well, at this point, our anonymous source got a case of cold feet, and decided to call in a professional. And when he couldn’t find one, he contacted me. Read More
I should preface this article by stating:
1) Despite my liberal use of the editorial “we,” I do not represent the 99% movement in any way, and the Occupiers have explicitly denounced violence, so there’s no point citing the following as another mythological example of OWS’s violent tendencies.
2) I also do not necessarily think that physical force is a smart tactic, in terms of goal-advancement, public relations, or general effectiveness, but I do think it’s important to put the fear of violent reprisal into the small, fascist minds of the thin blue slime, for it seems to be what they understand.
3) And, yes, I know: not all cops are overcompensating psychopathic needle-dicks; some of them are overcompensating needle-vaginas. Read More