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About: Murphy

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BEASTcast 13: John Fugelsang

November 15th, 2011 by

Murphy talks with TV/radio guy, comedian, wonk, and K.D. Lang doppelganger John Fugelsang about politics, Black Jesus, OWS, Ted Danson, punching Andrew Breitbart in his stupid face, and more! Fugelsang is featured on the Stephanie Miller Show, and part of her Sexy Liberal Comedy Tour, which will be at Shea’s Performing Arts Center in Buffalo, NY on Saturday, November 19th.

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Gangsta Crap

November 10th, 2011 by

Pigs drop beats @ #OccupyBerkeley

You know what’s terrifying? Asian women! Did you know that sometimes they can grow up to 5 feet tall, and weigh nearly 100 lbs? And sometimes they’ll just stand there. When they do that, you know they’re plotting your murder. Now that you have those facts, rewatch the above clip, and tell me you wouldn’t have done the same thing. TELL ME! OR I’LL SMASH YOU IN THE FUCKING STOMACH, YOU GODDAMN LIBERAL PUKE!

Sorry. I joke to hide the pain. Call me old fashioned, but it hurts watching defenseless people take a pretty serious beating. It hurts watching it happen in my country. There was absolutely no provocation there. Cops, in this case and many others we’ve seen during the Occupations, are just motherfuckers. Pure, deep-down motherfuckers.

I gotta give it to those kids. For real. It takes a lot of will power not to attack someone who is beating you with a club. The crowd could have easily swarmed those pigs, pinned them down, and gnawed at their goddamn throats until they all bled out onto the lawn like the worthless fucking shits they are. I guess it’s a good thing that that didn’t happen. Right?

6 Comments

OWS vs. DHS

November 9th, 2011 by

Counter terrorism restricts 1st Amendment

It’s been nearly a decade since the Department of Homeland Security was foisted upon our frightened nation, and all we got was this lousy police state. Petulant, Americans tend to scoff at the notion, and mock those who suggest the reality. “We’re not as bad as N. Korea!” goes the typical internet rebuttal. Fair enough; we’re not as bad as N. Korea. Read More

3 Comments

Crooks, Liars & Cowards

November 3rd, 2011 by

Or why I can’t afford a cell phone

Maybe you noticed that I was writing for Crooks & Liars for a minute there. Well, that’s done. They found out that I once wrote an article called “Fuck the Troops” — apparently, they couldn’t be bothered to Google my name before bringing me aboard. They wanted a mea culpa. I wrote one. I wrote something, anyway. That was three weeks ago. Instead of having the ovaries to just fire me, they ignored me, likely wishing I’d just drop dead from fatness. Read More

30 Comments

Paging Dr. Fraud

October 26th, 2011 by

Obama On The Couch author Dr. Justin Frank is clinically delusional

Dr. Frank gained pop psychology fame with his ’04 book Bush on the Couch, an underwhelming analysis of a dry drunk with daddy issues who found Jesus. Not to belittle the psychological professional, but it was readily apparent to all what was going on in Bush’s brain. I mean, there wasn’t a whole lot there. Read More

1 Comment

Herman Cain Chief of Staff Sucks on Fag

October 25th, 2011 by

This is weird:

First, who the hell is this guy? Block was, until recently, the Wisconsin State Director of Americans for Prosperity. Now he’s Cain’s CoS. That makes sense.

Second, what is with Cain’s creepy smile at the end? That’s your best take? Really?

“I’m Herman Cain, and I approved this leering.”

And C, why does Block have that fag in his mouth? AFP’s been underwritten by the tobacco industry before, so that’s probably why.

“I’m in Freedom Country”

Guys like Block & Cain — people with tobacco industry connections — don’t just make a campaign video that features a guys smoking without considering those connections. It’s not a flippant decision. Cain himself has lobbied hard for tobacco, according to the NYT:

From 1996, when he left the pizza company, until 1999, Mr. Cain ran the National Restaurant Association, a once-sleepy trade group that he transformed into a lobbying powerhouse. He allied himself closely with cigarette makers fighting restaurant smoking bans, spoke out against lowering blood-alcohol limits as a way to prevent drunken driving, fought an increase in the minimum wage and opposed a patients’ bill of rights — all in keeping with the interests of the industry he represented….

Under Mr. Cain’s leadership, the restaurant association opposed higher taxes on cigarettes and the use of federal money to prosecute cigarette makers for fraud — positions that Matt Myers, president of the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids said had little to do with the restaurant business.

And Mr. Cain argued vociferously that the decision about whether to go smoke-free was the province of individual restaurant owners, not the government. “The restaurant industry literally became the alter ego of the tobacco industry during that period of time,” Mr. Myers said in an interview.

The restaurant association relied heavily on R. J. Reynolds for financial support, records show. Mr. Meyne, the Reynolds senior director of public affairs, served on the restaurant group’s board, and Mr. Cain served on the board of Nabisco, which had earlier merged with Reynolds.

In a 1999 memorandum, Mr. Meyne wrote that in previous years his company had given the trade group “as much as nearly $100,000 in cash and much more in in-kind support,” adding, “They have done virtually everything we’ve ever asked, and even appointed us to their board.

Yup.

Naturally, I have no proof that the smoking shot is Block’s half of a campaign donation/personal payoff quid pro quo with big tobacco, but call it women’s intuition: AFP, Cain, Block et al got paid, for that puff. If they didn’t, they missed an obvious opportunity to do so.

UPDATE: Jim Newell at Gawker thinks I’m guilty of “concern trolling” and that I’m to be counted among “a whole class of reporters and writers who apparently have never once seen someone smoking a cigarette.” I’ve actually seen people doing this…in the mirror. And when I ran for Congress, I smoked in my campaign ads, too. Oh, wait, I didn’t because I’m not a) a fucking idiot and b) a tobacco lobbyist.

Block says the ad was “Just Block be[ing] Block.”  And that he “personally would encourage people not to smoke. It’s just that [he's] a smoker.” I imagine Block takes a shit every day, too, so why not just film him on the toilet, wiping his hairy, libertarian asshole with some Koch-made Georgia Pacific double-ply? It would just be Block being Block.

But at least Gawker’s straightened me out on this — because if a professional tobacco lobbyist & AFP liar like Block says there’s nothing to the ad, then there’s probably nothing to the ad. He and Cain have been paid by the tobacco industry before, and they likely will again, but this one’s probably a freebie.

Thanks, Gawker! Your too-cool-for-practical-analysis-of-a-political-anomaly-perpetrated-by-a-guy-with-ties-to-the-tobacco-industry attitude is what good reporting is all about!

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10 Comments

TV Weatherman Won't Deny Molesting Animals

October 24th, 2011 by

Fox News contributor Anthony Watts refuses to deny he sexually violated farm animals 

TV weatherman turned global warming denier, and Fox News contributor, Anthony Watts has refused to answer to charges that he routinely sexually violates farm animals.

In a recent blog post about the animal-sex controversy, Watts cites a critic who’d commented on the Center for American Progress blog Climate Progress:

“I recently experienced a horrifying extended email conversation with Anthony Watts…pleading that he was not, in fact, a lover of sexual congress with farm animals.”

Watts brushes aside the allegations as nonchalantly as he brings them up. “Mentioning the charges,” says psychologist Daniel Dinklage, “and not outright denying them is his way of saying, ‘Oh, Dear God, it’s true; I did have sex with farm animals on many occasions!’ He needs the world to know that on some level.”

Watts, seen here, looking at animal porn

No stranger to controversy, Watts has made a name for himself as a prolific anti-science blogger, commentator, and incompetent data collector. In 2009, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration issued a paper strongly dismissing Watts’s false claims that surface temperatures have not risen. Watts has also inspired critics who see his ties to the Exxon/Koch-funded Heartland Institute as a clear indication that he’s paid to lie about climate change science.

“Having sex with animals,” says Dinklage, “is Watts’s cry for help.”

Watts was not contacted for this report.

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4 Comments

Pro-lifers are murdering hypocrites

October 24th, 2011 by

And not just because they kill abortion doctors

I like Herman Cain’s confusing position on abortion, and the recent Republican candidates’ focus on the issue, because it’s a good excuse to bash pro-life hypocrites. And, yes, if you’re pro-life, you’re a hypocrite. Sorry; that’s the truth. Read More

17 Comments


Other Lies Fox Viewers Will Believe about #OWS

October 18th, 2011 by

BY JOE DIXON

You have got people having sex on the street, walking around topless, smoking pot…
-Sean Hannity on the protestors in Zuccotti Park, 10/14/2011

While it’s true that there are few people dumber than a Fox News viewer, can that lie really work? Yes, a 33,000-square-foot park, surrounded by cops 24 hours a day, is full of flagrant law breakers. And law enforcement is, what, masturbating to it? Handing out the weed? Well, god knows, cops are holding. And they’ve been so cool with the protesters that I guess anything is possible. Read More

13 Comments

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