Name: Derek Hunter
Turn-ons: Bein’ Emo, my hair and stuff, Twitter, Tucker Carlson, Twilight, True Blood, The Cure, The Crow, money, Andrew Breitbart, straw men, like, Townhall or whatever. Baseless ad homs. I dunno. You know. Hanging out at the mall, Hot Topic. Stuff. Being dark. Whatever. I don’t care. Life is darkness.
Turn-offs: liberals, scientific consensus, empirical reality, organized labor, decency, poor people, humanity, sunny days, doin’ what my parents tell me and junk, and making cogent points.
How we got to be the BEAST Page 3 Emo Conservative: The BEAST guys follow Dave Weigel on Twitter, he retweeted something of mine, and then they read some of my articles on Big Government. At first they said reading my stuff was like “eating an unseasoned, aborted fetus,” but then — masochists that they are — they decided to make me the Page 3 Emo Conservative, and I was like, “Whatever, you can’t depress me any more than I am. I’m, like, dark and brooding.” So here I am. Whatever. You don’t know me. I’m dark.
Future plans: I dunno. You know. Just, like, you know, writing incoherent bilge for my corporate paymasters and keepin’ my hair good. And, like, being super dark. And stuff.