"Totally coup, yo."


Open Letter to Torture Apologist Sam Harris




Harris, seen here, working on his next book

Dear Torture Apologist Sam Harris,

You rarely cease to amaze. For a man who coldly advocates the brutal physical and psychological torture of others, you demonstrate a remarkable level of cowardice when confronted with the slightest written criticism. As if fully incapable of sensing irony, you describe my critique of your pro-torture stance as “poisonous,” and ramble on for over 2,200 words, hiding behind this disingenuous excuse and that, about why you don’t have the time to effectively respond to such “attacks.” Impressive.

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We All Give Money To Assholes




Boycotting Chick-Fil-A can only get us so far

These people really fucking suck. I don’t have a joke here. They just really suck

By now, you’ve probably heard of the ongoing kerfuffle over Chick-Fil-A’s public opposition to gay marriage. It had always been well-known that the company gave donations to homophobic organizations, but this time, they took it to another level, with company president Dan Cathy publicly stating his views on the matter, and quickly creating an epic shitstorm of bad PR.

It’s easy to understand why people are pissed off. Our country is slowly but surely realizing that gay people are, in fact, humans, and should be treated as such. The days when people who opposed gay marriage were people who liberals could “respectfully disagree with” are long gone, and these people are now being viewed for who they really are: hateful bigots. The simple fact of the matter is, if you oppose gay marriage (or any type of gay rights), then you support discrimination, and that is tantamount to hatred regardless to how you view gays from an emotional standpoint.

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Frank Ocean’s R&B Masterpiece




Review of Frank Ocean’s Channel Orange

Most of the press that Frank Ocean has received recently has dealt with the revelation that he is bisexual. While I certainly commend him for his honesty, after listening to his debut album Channel Orange, I get the feeling that most of the publicity Ocean will receive in the future will be for his amazing music rather than his personal life.

This is one of the most engrossing, original, emotionally resonant albums of 2012, and a frontrunner for album of the year. While Ocean works primarily in the domain of R&B, his music is far too diverse to be strictly placed in that category. Like Stevie Wonder before him, Ocean uses R&B as his base, while surrounding it with a wide array of styles and influences. From the light funk of “Sweet Life,” to the bombastic prog-rock of “Pyramids,” Ocean is willing to take his music in any direction.

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Futurama Still Doesn’t Suck




Especially Zoidberg. He fucking rules.

"Hey, look! I found a copy of The Beast from 2006 in here!"

It’s been three years since “Futurama” returned to the airwaves, and I think we can safely say the show is still funny. Admittedly, there were some concerns at the beginning, like the highly dubious “Susan Boil” episode (I get shivers just thinking about that one), but for the most part, the show is producing just as much laughter as it did in its original run.

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My First Election As A Cynic




Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Admit That It’s All Bullshit

The 2012 election will be the sixth presidential election of my lifetime, and the third one I’ve actually given a shit about. In 1992, I was barely sentient, having absolutely no idea that Bush had just lost, or that his son would eventually bring the world just shy of complete destruction. In 1996, I wanted Clinton to win, but only because my mom said he was better than the other guy. It’s kind of like how she roots for the Memphis Grizzlies even though she doesn’t give a rat’s ass about basketball. She knows I like them, and that’s that. 2000 was pretty much the same. I knew that the monkey-faced Republican who stole the election was a bad dude, but I had no clue why. Those years, I was just too young.

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6 People/Groups Obama Didn’t Call




As you’re no doubt aware, President Obama (known throughout my studio apartment as the Drone King for his excellent ability to kill people overseas while still maintaining massive support among liberals who use to hate that sort of thing when a Republican did it) picked up the phone to chat with a woman by the name of Sandra Fluke.

Ms. Fluke, a Georgetown University law student, was called a “slut” and “prostitute” by fat fuck-face Rush “Why Has He Not Joined Andrew Breibart Yet?” Limbaugh. Mr. Limbaugh, a right-wing blowhard radio host, who has since offered an “apology,” took to bashing Ms. Fluke because she went on the TeeVee and defended employer-provided insurance that covers birth control.

Yes, readers of the future, birth control is what people fought over in America in the beginning of the 21st Century. If you feel like looking down on we, your ancestors, you have every right. Have at it. We have earned your righteous contempt many times over.

“I just read something that called me the Drone King.

Meanwhile, for those of us still here in the present I thought I’d whip up a nice little list of people and or groups that President Barack Obama DIDN’T call.

Obama didn’t call…

… the people of New Orleans to apologize for the Army Corps of Engineers drowning them.

… workers in Wisconsin to support their battle for collective bargaining.

… his supporters to explain his craven drug policy concerning pot.

… Iran so he could “talk to our enemies.”

… on cops to stop cracking down on Occupy protesters.

… environmentalist to let them know they could go fuck themselves.

Maybe he’ll phone when Limbaugh calls them sluts. Probably not.

Follow Joe Dixon on Twitter, or check out his Youtube channel if you want to see him get drunk and read the bible.

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