"Totally coup, yo."

Editorial


Smell no Evil

Aug

24

by

Lefties hone nose-holding in run-up to 2012

“It is better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don’t want and get it.”
-Eugene Debs

“Oh, this guy’s quoting Eugene Debs; his opinion doesn’t matter.”
-Jay Carney

“Who is Eugene Debs?”
-You

There’s a pernicious meme going round these here internet tubes.

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Trout Mask Republican

Aug

22

by

Jon Huntsman Eating Dough in a Polyethylene Bag Is Fast and Bulbous, Got Me?

On Friday, former Governor of Utah and Republican presidential hopeful Jon Hunstman tweeted this tweet tweeted round the Twitter:

To be clear. I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy.

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Annie Jacobsen opposes the kinds of conspiracy theories she started

Aug

09

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It’s silly to believe they’re aliens… They’re clearly part of a Nazi/Communist alliance’s propaganda campaign!

If I were to write a BEAST editorial about how journalists these days are being too offensive to people of faith and spirituality, everyone who read it would rightfully think of me as a huge hypocrite. Or maybe they’d think I’d suffered some kind of brain injury. When you’ve written about faith issues in the way I have, you kind of forfeit your right to complain about people doing the same.

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Melissa Harris-Perry would like more irrationality, please

Aug

03

by

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”
-Voltaire

Melissa Harris-Perry, seen here being incredibly full of shit.

I like Rachel Maddow’s show. It’s one of the few I can stand on MSNBC. Sure, she slips into the “Defend the President and Party At All Costs” mode from time to time, but it’s nowhere near as egregious as some of her fellow hosts on the network. Also, her head is not a ginormous wonder to all surviving phrenologists, which is another plus.

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That's A Spicy Miscarriage-a of a-Justice!

Jul

27

by

A BEAST Reader Opinion

By Mario

Mario, seen here shaking his fist at the

injustice in the case of Amanda Knox

Bonjourno! I’m a-Mario and I’m an Italian-Americano and I do-a the plumbing! But today I’m-a here to tell you about how I’m ashamed of my-a country’s criminal justice system, specifically in the small town of a-Perugia. Perhaps we discuss it over a nice-a pizza pie! Mario knows just the right-a place!

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Point / Counterpoint: The Law

Jul

11

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I Am The Law

by Judge Dredd

After the collapse of the environment and humanity’s sociopolitical structure, lawlessness ran rampant in the few remaining Mega Cities where most human survivors lived. But then a new system of criminal justice emerged. One where elite super-soldiers act as police, jury, and executioners. We call them the Judges. That’s where I come in. I’m a Judge. The name’s Judge Dredd, and I am the law.

I don’t need to hear from some Ivory Tower egg-head about how we need to coddle criminals with fair and impartial trials and presume them innocent. When I see a rotten, good-for-nothing lowlife punk steal an old lady’s purse, I just smash his teeth in with my comically oversized gun from the future. There are no Miranda Rights. No trial. No taxpayer-funded lawyer. Only justice. And that happens to be me. I am the law.

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Not On Your Side

May

04

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Channel 2 WGRZ-TV un-vites me from debate because I write satire

I got another letter today from local NBC affiliate WGRZ–this time it was unopened, in the mailbox.  It reads:

As you are aware, WGRZ-TV and the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle invited the candidates for the 26th congressional district to a debate at the WGRZ-TV studios on May 12th. In fact, after a certified letter to your business, the Buffalo Beast, was returned to our station, we sent Scott Levin to your home to personally make sure you were given every opportunity to respond and participate.

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Levin on a Prayer

Apr

29

by

Local news personality Scott Levin just showed up at my house

So I’m chilaxing on the couch, editing a forthcoming campaign video, and this tall, orange robot’s ringing my doorbell. What the fuck? It’s in polar fleece. It has the blue tooth. It is vaguely threatening.

Wait.

Is that local NBC affiliate WGRZ news personality Scott to-the-mother-fucking Levin?

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