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Editorial


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DESPERATE BUT NOT SERIOUS

Mar

15

by

There’s still no relief from Republican math

BY ALLAN UTHMAN

“Tonight, we tell America: We know the past, we know we did wrong. My bad.”

- Michael Steele

Remember “Bush Derangement Syndrome?” That was the flippant label Republicans applied to the outrage liberals have been displaying toward the Bush administration for the past six years. Well, at least we waited for him to start screwing up before we got mad. Obama Derangement Syndrome, on the other hand, has swept the heartland with amazing speed, starting well before he took the oath of office.

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LET’S GET SOCIAL: Americans Prefer to Hang Separately

Nov

10

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By Allan Uthman

Now that fiscal “conservatives” have devastated this country in ways that only the most knuckleheaded can deny (or blame on Barney Frank), it seems that “liberal” just doesn’t pack the epithetic wallop it once did. Just a few years ago, it was enough to tar a Democrat as a liberal to hurt him in the polls, but Barack Obama hasn’t even done much to evade the charge. People may just be thinking that the liberals might not be so bad, considering that they have turned out to be right about seemingly every policy argument of the past decade or so.

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Moldy Dick

Sep

10

by

John McCain’s Fraudulent Legend

BY ALLAN UTHMAN

I know we’re supposed to be used to this stuff by now, but this recent rash of “faith and values” presidential campaign events is still freaking me out. It was bad enough listening to Republican Senators lie about how often they pray, but now I’ve got to watch Democrats prostrate themselves before the one demographic that despises them the most, evangelical Christians. At least John McCain had the good sense to pass up an audience with the NAACP. When you’re beat, you’re beat.

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Top 10 Idiocies of the General Election

Aug

10

by

…so far

BY ALLAN UTHMAN

The Surge: Working Overtime

“The surge is working.” It’s an incessant mantra, forever on the lips of politicians and “journalists” these days. It’s as if they can simply will it into truth. Yes, there has been a reduction in violence in Iraq, if the stats are to be believed. But it’s a mistake to think that’s primarily due to an increase in troop strength. What is working in Iraq is the Awakening, a movement of Sunni tribes against al Qaeda in Iraq (which, while a franchisee of the al Qaeda trademark, is really an entirely separate group). Essentially what has happened is that the Sunni Arabs have grown weary of al Qaeda’s tendency to wantonly murder their own people, and to start civil wars and stuff like that. So they’ve started taking money from the Pentagon instead of bin Laden, and things have quieted down somewhat. This change was bound to occur, and preceded the surge. In fact, if Bush had eschewed the surge, and instead sent the equivalent amount of money for bribes and salaries, it would have been much more effective.

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Arm or Leg?

Mar

01

by

John Stossel’s Great Invisible Handjob

BY PAUL JONES

Picture this: You’re walking down a city street when suddenly you hear a faint rumbling in the distance. You continue on, turning your head round as you walk, trying to detect the source or spot a physical sign of the tremor. No other pedestrians or motorists seem at all aware of any abnormality. Shrugging your shoulders, you’re about to dismiss it, just as a sloshing gastric seism seizes you. The rumbling is coming from within and, as this realization grips you, your bowels begin to convulse ever more violently. Panicked, you shuffle forward, clenching your buttocks tightly. Luckily you spot a toilet at the end of the block, but when you approach it you discover, to your horror, it’s coin operated. You assume a defensive stoop and fumble around in your pocket for quarters you’re fairly sure you don’t have with one hand, clutching your stomach with the other. The intestinal protestations are reaching a fever pitch, a churning uproar. You shout at passersby between moans, begging them for spare change, but your animal hysteria keeps them at bay. Each one of them is identical, you notice: sleazy, malignant and faintly sickly, with a maniacal avian glare, greasy plume and mustache-a cross between Freddie Mercury and a velociraptor. Deaf to your pleas, they simply sneer at you and whine, in piercing, nasal unison, “Give me a break!”

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In Defense of Stupidity

Jul

27

by

krauthammerKrauthammer: Down with Thinking

BY ALLAN UTHMAN

Last month in Time, Charles Krauthammer told the world that he has had enough of people who have doubt. Apparently outraged that Senator Chuck Schumer would suggest that a judge’s religious conviction might interfere with his ability to uphold the law, Krauthammer wrote a poorly reasoned, poorly written column titled “A Defense of Certainty.”

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