THE NORTH AMERICAN WILDERNESS—Used to be a time when a white man could put a black lawn jockey or Carl Paladino sign out front of his summer home, and feel a sense of pride, because race-hate was moral in God’s book. And black folks appreciated the white man’s sins because the same book taught them that to suffer on the oppressor’s cross was divine. Those were the “good old days,” as candy bars only cost 5¢ and the gays knew their place.
You don’t get a lot of press compared to Cuomo and Paladino. Why is that, and have you ever considered threatening a reporter or forwarding equine pornography emails to get more of the spotlight?
BUFFALO–So I’m on lunch the other day, covered in sawdust, specks of paint and your general blue-collar grime, when I notice what appeared to be a prostitute and her diminutive pimp posing for photos in Niagara Square. He’s pinstriped and wearing a fedora. The hooker’s a spray-tan…woman with collagen-duck-lips, long bleach-blond hair, caked-on-makeup, leg tattoos and enough silicon on the top floor to caulk an entire mansion. I’m just eating my shitty gas station sandwich on a bench, wondering what & why?
I hereby propose, on this magnanimous day, the Importeenth of August, 2010, a practical solution to destroy religious belief in our time. For reasons which will soon be abundantly clear, some steps need to be taken before this very practical proposal can be fully elucidated. So, without delay:
A DISPATCH FROM THE FRONTLINES OF THE CULTURE WAR
BY IAN MURPHY
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
– Sun Tzu, The Art of War
“We should chain them up in your basement,” I offered. “You know, get all Gitmo on their asses— sensory deprivation, extremes in temperature, naked pyramids… That’s the only way to really get through to these things.”
Several months ago, while investigating the apparent ties between former Clinton Chief of Staff, and current President of the Center for American Progress, John Podesta and the fossil fuel industry (a charge he vehemently denies), we at The BEAST couldn’t help but notice: The Podesta Group, the lobbying firm John founded with his brother Tony in ’88, represents BP America. While John’s not been on payroll, for a few years now, Tony has since become a DC powerhouse.