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OWS vs. DHS

Nov

09

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Counter terrorism restricts 1st Amendment

It’s been nearly a decade since the Department of Homeland Security was foisted upon our frightened nation, and all we got was this lousy police state. Petulant, Americans tend to scoff at the notion, and mock those who suggest the reality. “We’re not as bad as N. Korea!” goes the typical internet rebuttal. Fair enough; we’re not as bad as N. Korea.

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TV Weatherman Won't Deny Molesting Animals

Oct

24

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Fox News contributor Anthony Watts refuses to deny he sexually violated farm animals 

TV weatherman turned global warming denier, and Fox News contributor, Anthony Watts has refused to answer to charges that he routinely sexually violates farm animals.

In a recent blog post about the animal-sex controversy, Watts cites a critic who’d commented on the Center for American Progress blog Climate Progress:

“I recently experienced a horrifying extended email conversation with Anthony Watts…pleading that he was not, in fact, a lover of sexual congress with farm animals.”

Watts brushes aside the allegations as nonchalantly as he brings them up. “Mentioning the charges,” says psychologist Daniel Dinklage, “and not outright denying them is his way of saying, ‘Oh, Dear God, it’s true; I did have sex with farm animals on many occasions!’ He needs the world to know that on some level.”

Watts, seen here, looking at animal porn

No stranger to controversy, Watts has made a name for himself as a prolific anti-science blogger, commentator, and incompetent data collector. In 2009, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration issued a paper strongly dismissing Watts’s false claims that surface temperatures have not risen. Watts has also inspired critics who see his ties to the Exxon/Koch-funded Heartland Institute as a clear indication that he’s paid to lie about climate change science.

“Having sex with animals,” says Dinklage, “is Watts’s cry for help.”

Watts was not contacted for this report.

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Suicide: DADT

Sep

27

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Why doesn’t the media report suicides?

BY TINA DUPUY

I asked a reporter at Unnamed Major Metropolitan Newspaper, why they don’t cover suicides. Why is it that traditionally in the press there’s a veil of silence draped over taking your own life? He said it’s because they don’t want to encourage the behavior. The concern is if they report on it; others will copy. There’s no such apprehension when it comes to covering homicides, but I digress. “Plus there are far more suicides than murders and we don’t cover every murder,” is how another crime reporter put it.

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Hey, hey, hey! It's a 9/11 Rerun!

Sep

05

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The absolutely true story of how The BEAST smuggled al Qaeda into the U.S.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Glenn Greenwald’s recent post about the insane military & homeland “security” spending since 9/11, called The Decade’s Biggest Scam, reminded me of a similar point I made a few years ago — by illegally canoeing from Buffalo, NY to Ft. Erie, Canada to test border security. The point was that these expenditures aren’t meant to keep us safe from terrorists. That threat is incredibly overblown. The point of it is for defense & security contractors to get paid. Big time.

Sorry for the rerun, BEAST fiends, but some of our new, post-Walker prank readers may have missed it. And, you know, I don’t feel like canoeing across the Niagara river again. The following report was originally published in the August, 2008 print edition of The BEAST.

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Smell no Evil

Aug

24

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Lefties hone nose-holding in run-up to 2012

“It is better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don’t want and get it.”
-Eugene Debs

“Oh, this guy’s quoting Eugene Debs; his opinion doesn’t matter.”
-Jay Carney

“Who is Eugene Debs?”
-You

There’s a pernicious meme going round these here internet tubes.

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'5 Religious Organizations' Updates

Aug

15

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Last winter I wrote an article about five religious organizations you should hate. And since The BEAST is the one and only True News Source (peace ‘n blessings be upon Us), you may have missed some new developments for those groups. So here they are! But (spoiler alert) you should know that none of these updates should make any decent person stop hating them.

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Murphy's Law III

Aug

14

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Mysterious “Cheap Throat” leaks sensitive police document to BEAST

THINGS ARE WEIRD. I was arrested for filming a cop. They confiscated the camera, erased the footage, and charged me with disorderly conduct, disruption of a religious service and some other bullshit. The complainant listed on the officially police report is “Sony”. Its race is unknown. And it lives at police headquarters, according to the report.

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