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Politics


Green Around The Edges

May

14

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Green Party “Debate” Between Jill Stein and Roseanne Barr, Reviewed

I didn’t plan on watching the Green presidential debate on Saturday night but when I saw a link get tweeted to a stream of it, I figured it would at least be worth putting on in the background in case Roseanne Barr did something crazy.

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Perception Management

Mar

10

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Koch’d up Wisconsin think tank attempts to rewrite history in real time

Friday marked the one-year anniversary of the day the Wisconsin Senate Republicans killed, for the time being, the collective bargaining rights of most public union employees in the state. I was there. I even slept in the Capitol overnight. It was chaotic, immoral, and illegal, too. The 19 Republicans removed the collective bargaining bit from Governer [sic] Scott Walker’s budget “repair” bill, and rushed it through without fair notice, in violation of the open meetings law. It was separated from the bill because budgetary measures require a 20-senator quorum to pass — which is why the then 14 Democratic Senators in exile were able to hold up its passage. Non-budget bills only need a 14-senator quorum. So there’s your Badger history/civics lesson.

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BEASTcast 22: Brian Dooley

Mar

01

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Brian Dooley is the director of the Human Rights Defenders program at Human Rights First. He has worked with several Irish and international non-governmental organizations including Amnesty International and Public Citizen. In the early 1980s he defied the apartheid laws in South Africa by working as a community organizer and English teacher in a South African black township. Recently he was denied entry to Bahrain. We talk about the ongoing human rights crisis in that country and what can be done to stop it.

Music is by Pigface and is used with permission. You can subscribe to the BEASTcast here or rate and/or leave a review in iTunes.

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BEASTcast 21: Sarah Posner

Feb

27

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Sarah Posner is the author of  God’s Profits: Faith, Fraud, and the Republican Crusade for Values Voters and senior editor at Religion Dispatches where she covers politics. We talk about Republicans, contraception, my gambling debts, religious code words, the possible problems Foster Friess had with girls in high school, and lots more. Music is by Pigface and is used with permission. You can subscribe to the BEASTcast in iTunes and leave a review if you want.

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Know Your Vandersloots!

Feb

20

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Frank VanderSloot is an Idaho billionaire, a national finance co-chair of Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign, and a major contributor to the pro-Romney Super PAC, Restore Our Future.


Joran Van der Sloot
is a sociopath, Dutch citizen, and former Aruba resident who was the main suspect in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway.


Frank VanderSloot is the Chairman & CEO of Melaleuca, Inc., a creepy pyramid scheme which offers home cleaning products, dietary supplements, mortgage readjustments, and even debt relief services — which you probably need if you’re pyramid selling.


Joran Van der Sloot pled guilty in Peru to the robbery and murder of Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramírez, who he killed 5 years to the day after Holloway went missing.


Frank VanderSloot is a devout Mormon who ostensibly believes that God is a magical flesh-and-blood man who lives on the planet Kolob, and that if he’s good on earth, he will become a similar God in the afterlife.


Joran Van der Sloot was caught on undercover video by the Dutch media admitting to have witnessed Halloway’s death.


Frank VanderSloot is virulently anti-gay, and his beard “wife” donated $100,000 to help promote California’s unconstitutional same-sex marriage ban Proposition 8.

 

Joran Van der Sloot attended the International School of Aruba, where he was an honors student, and considered to be a soccer and tennis star.

 

Frank VanderSloot is an overly litigiousness jerk who often threatens news outlets and blogs when they report about what an overly litigiousness jerk he is.

 

Joran Van der Sloot reportedly receives fan mail, marriage proposals, and sexually explicit offers from moronic women all over the world.

 

Frank VanderSloot‘s Melaleuca, Inc., was  warned by the FDA to stop pyramid-selling unapproved drugs and making unproven claims about their health benefits.

 

Joran Van der Sloot was ordered to pay the Flores family $75,000; he is currently serving a 28 year term in prison.

 

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H/T to Glenn Greenwald & Nancy Grace

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When Birchers Attack!

Jan

17

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What took them so long?

I really should be working on our annual 50 Most Loathsome Americans list (it’s pretty late, I’m aware), or preparing for court later (I was arrested for filming a cop) or at least shaving…or ironing my sport coat…or showering, but the National Review posted a hit piece on me yesterday, so I’m going take a few minutes this morning to respond. These are minutes I could use appreciating the fleeting natural wonder that is life. Instead, I’m going to waste them entirely, rooting through the shit-end of Wisconsin politics.

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BEASTcast 16: Jill Stein

Dec

22

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Murphy chats with the best presidential candidate you’ve never heard of — the Green Party’s Dr. Jill Stein.

For more info on how to take our country back from Wall Street, visit jillstein.org.

Or, you know, just throw your vote away on one of the two-party corporate hacks.

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39 Things Obama Could Do To Get My Vote

Nov

07

by

One year from today, Americans and Mormons alike will line up at the polls to cast their votes for who will be the next king of the playground. I didn’t vote for Obama last time because I am a racist who only votes for Arab-Americans like Ralph Nader (besides, to be totally honest, I prefer the Trial By Stone method of appointing political leaders as portrayed by the Skeksis in The Dark Crystal). And I don’t plan on voting for Obama again next year. But this could change.

 John McCain (right), shortly before his banishment

Since I know the President reads all of our posts and commits them to memory like most other people on Earth, I will now inform him of 39 things he can do over the course of the next year in the interests of both earning my vote and of general awesomeness.

  1. Start wearing a cape.
  2. Grow an Afro.
  3. Make The Avengers real.
  4. Replace hands with hand-shaped chainsaws.
  5. Sign an executive order mandating that one night a week, Bill O’Reilly’s TV show must only air footage of O’Reilly trying to fit his fist in his mouth.
  6. Stop the war on drugs.
  7. Follow @BfloBEAST on Twitter.
  8. And then re-tweet ALL the things!
  9. Start every sentence with “In accordance with The Prophecy…”
  10. Angrily refuse to answer any questions about The Prophecy.
  11. Tell my boss to fuck off during the State of the Union address, at the end in between the now obligatory reassuring lies “The state of our union is strong” and “Thank you, and may God continue to bless America.”
  12. Wipe all the snow off my car right before I get out of work all winter.
  13. New appointment: Attorney General Glenn Greenwald.
  14. Go BASE-jumping in secret just to try to piss in Nancy Grace’s mouth.
  15. Dress up as a pirate on a random Tuesday and when people ask about it, act like you don’t know what they’re talking about.
  16. Cut the military budget in half.
  17. Split the money saved from #16 between NASA and the NSF.
  18. Answer the next “Why” question at a press conference with “Because FUCK YOU, that’s why.”
  19. Order the National Guard to follow Nickelback on tour, just to freak them out. Both of them.
  20. Murder Andrew Breitbart with a predator drone.
  21. Then outlaw drone assassination of US citizens.
  22. Stop doing that sideways pointing thing he does.
  23. Punch Jay Leno in his stupid prick face.
  24. Get the birther thing started again by pushing for an amendment to the Constitution which nullifies the requirement that the President must be a natural-born citizen. It’s an idiotic rule anyway, and the conspiracy nuts are too much fun.
  25. Strap a camera to your head and livestream everything you do for a day.
  26. Sexually harass Herman Cain using a stick of pepperoni and at least 3 types of cheese.
  27. Order Mike Tyson to train his pigeons to pick the pockets of hedge fund managers on Wall Street.
  28. Release the invisibility cloaks along with all other technology the government received from the aliens and has since been hiding away in a vault to the public.
  29. Make the Pentagon invisible.
  30. Presidents can too make things invisible. It’s in the CONSTITUTION.
  31. Change the National Anthem to either What Is Hip? or any song from the Black Dynamite soundtrack.
  32. Find my car keys.
  33. Abolish the death penalty for all crimes except for driving 5 or more miles per hour under the speed limit in the passing lane.
  34. Sell Idaho to the Canadians.
  35. Forget that, trade it for Vancouver.
  36. Sell Arizona to the Mexicans.
  37. Challenge Rick Perry to a duel. At dawn. At “Niggerhead.” Call him ‘yellow’ when he declines.
  38. Stop pestering us about your boyfriend Jesus.
  39. Use the find/replace function on your speeches to change “Republicans” to “jive turkeys.”


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