After 8 years on the job, Pope Benedict And The Jets XVI decided to call it quits this week, presumably because covering up child molestation is grueling, tiresome work. This, of course, means there is a vacancy at the Pope position, and since I’m three months away from graduating from college, and I could really use a job, I thought I’d throw my hat into the ring.
What’s that you say? Pope is too tough of a job for a 22-year-old, perpetually drunk college student? I beg to differ. This seems like the easiest job on the planet. All I have to do is not cover up thousands of pederasts and I’ll be better than either of the last two guys to do it. Piece of cake!